this is a note
this is my mind
people are talking around me, im not listening, but theyre talking
probably about shit that has nothing to do with anything i even remotely know about, but they are all invested in it, and i appreciate that. that they truly enjoy what theyre talking about, whatever it is. whether its drug induced, or pure raw thought. who knows, they are happily enjoying each others company.
im sitting here, literally inches away, with a computer on my lap typing, typing about nothing. i probably wont even post this, its just something to do i suppose, because i am an addict. i have a desire to quit drugs and foreign substances. its legitimate, at least, i think its legitimate. but i am influenced by LSD right this very moment. And I love it, I love the substance, all that it has to offer. Mind expansion, wavy walls, heightened senses ect ect... I am not addicted to LSD, I am not addicted to any specific drug. I am addicted to an escape from reality. and its deeper then i can even express.
i have faced all my demons, i have accepted all the truths about myself. my perception of myself, my perception of other peoples perceptions about me. but there is still something that i desire outside of this realm of existence.
everything that exists, exists within me. I am everything, everything is me. This is not any type of "profound" or "spiritual" thought. This is pure selfishness. And its not induced by anything, it is naturally who I am. Why is that? I haven't a clue, maybe I use drugs as a way to locate the roots of my selfishness, but i don't think that. All i know is I am selfish, and I am trying hard, going against all that i have previously announced i "stood" for, because what i "stood" for was drugs, "going hard", violence. stupid shit you know. not helping life in any way.
I'm trying to get a job, not because I want a job, not because I want money. Only to repay those people that I owe, mainly my parents. I don't care about money, it has no value to me, but i also realize to other people that it does, and they deserve what they are owed, so I am going to pay them, at whatever the cost.
i just closed my eyes, all i saw was fractal patterns of bright colors, mainly oranges, purples, reds, blues, just bright colors in general. all in kaleidoscope style patterns, awesome, looks amazing. but what meaning does it hold? none, none whatsoever. actually wait, here is what it holds. it holds fear, fear in the people who actually do legitimately care about me. because i am on "drugs", because they think I am "killing" myself. and thats what drugs do, they cause fear in people. not the people who use them, no, because i am not scared, i am not scared of anything. but there is people who are scared for me, and its effecting them. i sit here, in my altered states of reality, and MY life is negatively effecting the lives of others. and that is a selfish statement, but its a true statement, and i know its true. and i dont want anybody to be negatively effected by me. i need to stop, hopefully i can, soon, hopefully.
i think i may have just saved a life. someone who is with me who i have been paying no mind to for the most part, to be completely honest. and i just stopped him from making a mistake. the mistake was his to make, but it could have very likely been a fatal mistake, and even though i don't like to intervene in peoples decisions, i did
this is all current events. this is all right now, this very moment. I am influenced by LSD, they are influenced by alcohol, which I don't drink at all, ever, anymore.
this is the mind of a depressed person who uses psychadelic drugs. this is the truth, this is my mind.
this is my mind
people are talking around me, im not listening, but theyre talking
probably about shit that has nothing to do with anything i even remotely know about, but they are all invested in it, and i appreciate that. that they truly enjoy what theyre talking about, whatever it is. whether its drug induced, or pure raw thought. who knows, they are happily enjoying each others company.
im sitting here, literally inches away, with a computer on my lap typing, typing about nothing. i probably wont even post this, its just something to do i suppose, because i am an addict. i have a desire to quit drugs and foreign substances. its legitimate, at least, i think its legitimate. but i am influenced by LSD right this very moment. And I love it, I love the substance, all that it has to offer. Mind expansion, wavy walls, heightened senses ect ect... I am not addicted to LSD, I am not addicted to any specific drug. I am addicted to an escape from reality. and its deeper then i can even express.
i have faced all my demons, i have accepted all the truths about myself. my perception of myself, my perception of other peoples perceptions about me. but there is still something that i desire outside of this realm of existence.
everything that exists, exists within me. I am everything, everything is me. This is not any type of "profound" or "spiritual" thought. This is pure selfishness. And its not induced by anything, it is naturally who I am. Why is that? I haven't a clue, maybe I use drugs as a way to locate the roots of my selfishness, but i don't think that. All i know is I am selfish, and I am trying hard, going against all that i have previously announced i "stood" for, because what i "stood" for was drugs, "going hard", violence. stupid shit you know. not helping life in any way.
I'm trying to get a job, not because I want a job, not because I want money. Only to repay those people that I owe, mainly my parents. I don't care about money, it has no value to me, but i also realize to other people that it does, and they deserve what they are owed, so I am going to pay them, at whatever the cost.
i just closed my eyes, all i saw was fractal patterns of bright colors, mainly oranges, purples, reds, blues, just bright colors in general. all in kaleidoscope style patterns, awesome, looks amazing. but what meaning does it hold? none, none whatsoever. actually wait, here is what it holds. it holds fear, fear in the people who actually do legitimately care about me. because i am on "drugs", because they think I am "killing" myself. and thats what drugs do, they cause fear in people. not the people who use them, no, because i am not scared, i am not scared of anything. but there is people who are scared for me, and its effecting them. i sit here, in my altered states of reality, and MY life is negatively effecting the lives of others. and that is a selfish statement, but its a true statement, and i know its true. and i dont want anybody to be negatively effected by me. i need to stop, hopefully i can, soon, hopefully.
i think i may have just saved a life. someone who is with me who i have been paying no mind to for the most part, to be completely honest. and i just stopped him from making a mistake. the mistake was his to make, but it could have very likely been a fatal mistake, and even though i don't like to intervene in peoples decisions, i did
this is all current events. this is all right now, this very moment. I am influenced by LSD, they are influenced by alcohol, which I don't drink at all, ever, anymore.
this is the mind of a depressed person who uses psychadelic drugs. this is the truth, this is my mind.
