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Something I have to do, maybe the hardest thing I'll ever have to do

Eyes On the Roll

Eyes On the Roll

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 26, 2010
Messages
692
Location
Heaven
Recently I've became addicted to oxycodone in southwest florida. I recently chose exile, by moving to my mothers farther north, away from everyone I know and away from all of the temptation. I have been in cold turkey withdrawal for 3 days, and still going strong. This is so depressing, that I have to leave everyone behind, all of the people I grew up with, even my best of friends that aren't into opiates. Yet, it must be done. I don't know how I'm going to survive up here. I have an upcoming court hearing this Wednesday for DUI and possession of controlled substance (which i am lucky i didn't get trafficking considering i had 64 roxies.. which is a 3 year prison sentence mandatory minimum.)
My lawyer has talked to the prosecutor and I'll be getting 24 months probation and 2 years without a license. I don't know how I'll be able to survive up here.. all alone, not being able to drive. I'm not good at meeting people, I am 21, but look much younger. The loneliness I will have to endure up here may break me... it may make me turn to suicide. I don't know how I can do it, I can't take being alone. The opiate addiction I'm kicking isn't the problem, I'm strong enough for this, I know I'm better than this, I can endure the withdrawals, as taxing as they may be. It's the fact that I have to leave all my friends behind, I have to leave behind the city I grew up in. I just can't take the feeling of loneliness I will have up here in central florida, Clearwater. I'm not good at meeting people, but I need new friends to keep me sane. I don't know where to look, I don't know how to find friends. Take into account my age.. 21.. and all the restrictions being placed upon me. Please, I need advice, for I fear I will be forced into suicide because loneliness is something I fear even more than death.
 
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At your age you should be busy with a part time job and college. Work and school are the best ways to meet new people or at te very least - to get out of the house and not be alone/idle.
 
You really shouldn't be beating up yourself like this, you're making one of the toughest decisions that can be made: To get clean after being addicted. A new start is always frightening to an extent and I'm sure the withdrawal adds to this. It beyond question that it will be a hard and strenuous time you're facing, but what can you lose? In your old environment, it will be a lot harder to quit oxy, and if you don't quit you will end up broken, in prison, maybe dead and in any case utterly uncontent with life. You may not see it right now, but I'm sure even in central florida it is possible to meet nice people and become friends. You have so much more time to resources to live life once you're clean! Maybe the anxiety and shyness will subside after some time as it was the case with me after quitting drugs, and in a few months/years you can say "This was the best decision I made in life so far." There have to be so many things you wanted to do that were postponed because of drugs, now you have the possibility to do them!

I wish you the best, don't take the staying sober thing too lightly and have a great new start!!! :)
 
Well, it's day 4 and symptoms have not yet subsided. I can eat food now though. It seems that day two was the worst, when I was vomiting everywhere. I'm in pain.. terrible pain. How much longer do I have being 4 days in? I know now that I will never go back. The thought of using again has not even crossed my mind while enduring this.
 
I'd say about day 7 you should be out of wds. Usually day 3 & 4 are the worst, so good luck, you've already come a long way! Interestingly I experienced the same when I quit fentanyl cold turkey: On day 1, just after using the last time, I had really really bad cravings. As soon as the physical withdrawal symptoms kicked in, cravings were over.
 
yea i've had dreams where i was kind of half asleep half awake.. at least i can eat now. the main thing i have now is the changes in body temperature and goosebumps, and joint aches. I feel like the worst has gone coming to the end of day 4. I was doing 150-300mg of oxy ir a day. It was a short addiction spanning a period of 3 months, and the only drug addiction i've ever had. But I'm confident I won't go back.. being in a new environment and all. Surprisingly I haven't craved the drug, I gues the pain of withdrawal has changed my mind about it.
 
Congratulations on getting this far even with all the horrible symptoms of WD and still not wanting to use. You are a strong person. Hang tight.<3
 
It is tough man. Handling sobriety in the midst of court. I'm currently in the middle of a situation myself. I just got out of a long-term rehab, which sucked/helped drastically. I've been by myself for the past few months just chilling out, and it gets depressing and that makes me want to use more than anything. Just try to do your best to get out and about and live life. Don't be anti-social. If you need anything bluelight is here for ya.
 
Well, day 5 is coming to a close. Still having a very difficult time getting comfortable and getting to sleep. But, I am up and about, walking around and trying to do things. The goosebumps are still VERY intense.. and the temperature fluctuations are maddening. I can tell the poisons almost completely out of my body though. Feeling a bit more optimistic, and more secure and independent again. Court early tomorrow morning though... dreading the very thought of it. I probably won't get much sleep tonight..
 
much empathy for you, did something very similar a long time ago but went from nyc to way out in the woods of northern new england.
and i hear you loud and clear about no license cuz where you are in fla there is absolute shit for public transportation.
but
you aren't going to a florida prison and given the state laws you sure as hell could have. having lived in fla for close to 30 years i'm pretty well versed on how that swamp operates and you have dodged something major by getting probation.
and you've made it to day 5.
tomorrow will be one more day and then things will start looking different.
try to find one thing. anything... it's not raining... court is over... just anything even slightly positive to focus on... yeah life sucks but at least it ain't raining or freezing cold or blowin' up a hurricane. even if the weather or some other mundane thing is the only positive you can see, well, you got one positive thought to send through your brain for a bit.
you get what i'm tryin to say? even one positive can sometimes get something rollin' so maybe you can see one more ok thing about the day.
best of luck.
-izzy
 
Are you able to walk to a library? Lots of people there. At the very least, you'll be improving your mind.
 
14 days and I haven't touched any opiates since ;). Withdrawals have been gone for several days. I have a job now.
One thing though is that I have been getting quite drunk, not every day though.
 
While I sympathize with your situation, I have to say that I am also jealous.
To have 2 years to focus on my hobbies, outside of work, would allow me to become like a monk, spending hours a day on music, writing, exercise, and meditation. I would get my body, mind, and spirit in good shape in that time. I would see it as a wonderful opportunity, though loneliness would also present the biggest challenge. However, I believe that the fear of loneliness is much worse than actual loneliness. So I would (want to) go into it from this perspective, and while I would try to make friends, I would also treasure the chance to improve myself.
I don't know if seeing it in this way will help you at all, but now that I have kids and a regular job, I would love to re-experience loneliness! I am too busy, too often.
I hope that you finish withdrawals, and then go on to good things. :)
 
I may have kicked opiates, but I seem to have picked up alcohol. I've been getting blackout drunk every night. i'm not worried though, since I do it at home when I have no other obligations, late at night right before i go to sleep.
 
I don't want to be that guy but I'm a little concerned about you getting black out drunk every night. We as addicts tend to justify things in our heads and I know for me that has almost killed me. "I'm getting black out drunk but at least I'm not doing roxis" is a really bad justification if you think of it. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to take anything away from you kicking roxis cold turkey takes a lot of will power but at the same time I'm worried this drinking can become a problem for you. I know as an addict I was running from myself in any which way I could and I would continue to do so until I realized why I did it and did a lot of work on myself to be comfortable in my own skin. Best of luck man, always here for support and advice.
 
VanWeyden said:
I quit fentanyl cold turkey.
Click to expand...

Hi EyesOnTheRoll, apologies for hijacking yr thread but I want to ask VanWeyden something:

Vanweyden, when you say you quit fentanyl coldturkey how much were you using when you hopped off and how long had you been using fentanyl for? And how long were you able to stay off it afterwards? I'm a fent user and would really appreciate it if you could take a few minutes and jot down a few lines on the topic for my benefit (and any other fent users out there thinking of quitting). Many thanks.

Eyes On The Roll? Be proud of yourself for taking such big and positive strides forwards in your life. Moving away and quitting a oxy habit is such a positive move that you should give yourself a big hug and just think how easy you're going to find it to meet folk in your new area when you're no longer shackled by a hardcore opiate habit.

And if you use the sense of achievement and satisfaction you will be feeling from now on - for quitting oxy and being strong and brave enough to make a real life change (which is something so many folk talk of doing but so few actually do it....) - then I'm certain you'll feel so much more confident and the more confident you feel about yourself then the more other people will want to get close to you. Just watch it happen!!!

Finally please don't stress out about being lonely and certainly don't look at it as something to be terrified of. Are you into any sports? If so then go join a local gym or sports club and see how fast you'll meet like minded folk. Alternatively I assume you're going to seek work in your new area or go to schoYou'll do ifol there? Then you're bound to meet new people through your new job or in your new educational establishment. You'll do just fine I'm sure and remember that there are always folk here on Bluelight you can turn to for help, fellowship and friendship so please just take a deep breath and start looking around you and inside you and seeing what there is that you like. It can be anything. Good luck. You'll do fine my friend.
 
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