something cut though me like a bayonet.

reading the darkside today, sliced at my normally cool and composed self. I don't me a nick at it, it tore me from pelvic bone to nap of my neck.

So many bad memories, so many things I wish I could help with. So many people suffering in silence, often over false images in magazines, or from a disorder that is simple to treat.

Not many things rip rangrz apart like that, and if I made an ass of my self. I am sorry. But it was a punch of emotion and sadness that compared to very few others.

So I will try every day, to make some small, positive change. One more burden on my weary shoulders, but one I would rather take on the fluff off.

I don't care if I'm a spook, viewed as a sciopathic tool of the goverment by most. It aint true, we too have feelings, we're not sciopaths. I don't care if i'm a tweaker. Once again viewed as just violent, mean people. No, we feel too. I am whatever you say I am. But I know who I really am. The things that I feel and care about. The things that bring me to tears, and the acts I am capable of doing, if the need should occur. Fuck the labels of the general public. I'm still human, even if they are blinded to it.

Just writing shit out helps sometimes. Even if its hard to understand for anyone else. My life has been fucked up in a million ways and not many would understand 100%, just as I can not understand others 100% but I can offer my compassion. Maybe sometimes, others could do the same for the type of people they might not get?

 

Don't think of self-improvement as a burden rangrz, think of it as a way of looking at yourself. Just something little like learning to wear a smile while walking down the street can make a huge difference. Even for a tweaker spook with a heart of gold

I'm the first to admit that I fall under the category of people who don't get you, but I certainly find it fascinating to talk with someone whose opinions and experiences are so different from my own. You come off as a bit brash at times, but you're a cool cat rangrz.

 

Sweetie, as Ive said before everyone is human even you spooks. Never be embarassed to let it all go and cry/ wail / get fucking angry, it doesn't make you less of a man or human or spook or anything.
I fucking love you dude and it hurts to see you upset but I hope you know that if you need someone to talk to, to just let it go emotionally I am here for you, never feel embarassed or ashamed to ask, just fucking ring me up even 2am, Im there for you bru. I'll listen, I'd let you yell your anger out at me, I'd hold you all fucking night if need be.
We are all human, never think I would think less of you bru.
Fuck, You been there for me, before and I KNOW probably will be anytime I ask, so hell Im here for you.
I just hope you'd trust me enough.
anytime, any place.
♥

 

Hey buddy,
I'm sorry I haven't been around much but you know that you can always send me a message. I'm more than willing to try to help. Hang in there. I'll be thinking about you!