You wanted me to write to you. I am sad but i do not know why, there is just a sadness taking over my inside sometimes. I am not sad at you. It is like i can not think of anything, there is a darkness inside and over the world. This is what i want to describe, but i cant. One thing hit me when i was home a few days ago. I looked at my fathers car and his brothers and sisters cars, and a realise that i don’t think i’ll ever get a new car like them, a prosperity like they have got. And maybe that is what they have fight for and what is there for me who don’t have this kind of goal in life?
It scares me, that i never could write something good. Have wanted that so bad and maybe i could never do it. It feels like all the words are stupid, it is so hard for me to like what i’m writing. i am so unsure of what it is a really want to do or write down. It makes me want to burn everything and go to sleep and never wake up. But i want to wake up cause sometimes i want to be awake and feel. But not now.
/lana
It scares me, that i never could write something good. Have wanted that so bad and maybe i could never do it. It feels like all the words are stupid, it is so hard for me to like what i’m writing. i am so unsure of what it is a really want to do or write down. It makes me want to burn everything and go to sleep and never wake up. But i want to wake up cause sometimes i want to be awake and feel. But not now.
/lana
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
