Hey u4ia
Sorry you find yourself struggling with an addiction
It seems to me that you are rolling around the cycle of addiction. If you haven't checked this these threads out you may wish to give them a go over. The
addiction guide has some good stuff about what you are up aginst (look at post #3 4 sure) and the
Brian and Addiction has some other relevant information.
As You and herbivore stated the paws and addiction are the real battle..
PAWS LINKS
Why We Don’t Get Better Immediately: Post-acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS)
Post Acute Withdrawal (PAW) Excerpted From “Staying Sober” By: Terence T. Gorski
Post-acute-withdrawal syndrome Wiki
http://www.clairedorotik.com/NLWC-EXERCISE_AND_MOOD.htm
ADD take
http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/threads/673580-Hey-I-thought-the-grey-matter-of-ADD-could-chew-on-this
Managing depressive thinking
it is a powerful thing to keep our thoughts possitive and here are some threads many of us use to help us do this.
Good things about being off drugs/getting sober
Share something POSITIVE from your day!
Today I Am Thankful For... Ver. 3: Earth, Wind and Fire!
As far as the craving that you experience at these times. When we become addicted the dopamine reward pathway has now logged in the use of these drugs as something necessary for life. As with other "natural" actions needed for life, like eating has the drive to eat and thats hunger, drinking has the drive to drink and thats thrust, the drive to reproduce has sex drive or horniness. The way this system in the brain works is it has access to all our senses. If it picks up on something it feels is a chance at a positive rewards to manipulates us to achieve that reward. So for instance you are walking down the street and the smell of a barbecue is detected. Boom it begins to manipulate you. Suddenly you realize that you are hungry, It can make your stomach grown or feal empty, it can make you mouth water, it can send memories of how amazing putting a piece of fresh grilled steak in your mouth, "the old I could almost taste it"..
This is how the brain works and how triggers work. it is the same for the drugs we are addicted to. So if it now sees something that thinks you are close to getting the positive reward of using the drug we are now addicted to it will get triggered and try and manipulate us into getting and using the drug. It will send the best memories ever of use, It will make us crave (like hunger or thirst) also called jonesing, it will also use any of the negative emotions if it thinks they will work.. it cam throw shame or guilt, it can try and use fear or anxiety, it can use loneliness and pity, basically any emotion it will think may get us to use.. so double think all your emotions that make you want to use. Oh and dont forget it can use positive emotions as well, I am a positive relapser.. It has it advantages cause my addiction has figured out that on to it game of making me miserable to try and promote use.. it also knows that I no longer fall for its craving nonsense, it always whispers it will be the best thing in the world, lies lies lies.. I also crave big macks once and awhile and they never taste anything like what my mind says.. they kinda taste like dog food and make me sick half the time.
Now about the addictive cycle.. so even if we are avoiding all triggers nicely if a time period passes and we have not used the drive/reward system will say alright enough of this if we haven't stumbled across any of the opportunities we will have to go out and find them. Your brain likely thinks that around 57 days or what not its had enough and say alright time for you to go looking for it and starts sending you the craves and emotions and everything else it has in its bag of tricks.. its got a big bag as its the
hypothalamus
Functions of the hypothalamus can be listed as:
controls the release of 8 major hormones by the pituitary gland
controls body temperature
control of food and water intake, hunger and thirst
control of sexual behavior and reproduction
control of daily cycles in physiological state and behaviour also known as circadian rhythm
mediation of emotional responses
The hyptothalmus actuall does much more than this little list but this will work for a start. So since the hypothalamus control the sexual behavior and reproduction think of the addictive cycle in terms of this. Say a person hasn't seen a potential mate for a certain period of time so it hasn't been directly triggered. Think about a sailer on a ship back in the day. But after a certain period of time the brain says shit we really need to mate and reproduce to ensure the continuation of the species. So it then starts to make the animal horney it makes them more and more obsessed with finding a mate. So this would likely make a person change their current lonely practices and drives them to find a mate. This would promote sex and reproduction. Thus why many the sailors hit port and go straight for a hooker, they have been obsessing over getting laid for a long time as their limbic system has determined that all this damn sailing is cool but we need to procreate for the good of human kind.
So IMO this is what is happening with the cycles of addiction. We use and then get back to life only to be driven back to use as the use of this drug has been logged in as something we need to promote and sustain life.
What is the recovery plan you have been using to try and cope with your addiction? What work have you done to heal from the effects of addiction?
So hey hang in there.. dont beat yourself up.. until you are able to come up with the things that work for you try and avoid the typical "black or white" thinking we are prone to.. as this drives use and is very dangerous as far as relapse. We have a tendency to fight for so long with will power (frontal lobe or conscious mind) that when it the subconsiouse wins we say alright enough of this shit "fuck it" and then tend to go on a binge. This is the going from nothing at all to hog wild or all or nothing thinking or black or white thinking.
The mere knowledge and awareness of this thought process will not allow you to use a drug you are addicted to with success though it is really important to keep in mind for any relapses. As going from no drugs to allot of drugs is real dangerous and a huge percentage of the people who I know who have died died almost immediately with the first couple usages of a relapse. Also the reason people use so much on a relapse is that is never like we were told or imagined.
Twelve-Step Addiction Recovery Support Groups
SMART Recovery (Support Group information and discussion)
Thread: Varied Approaches to Addiction Recovery
You can do this!!!
^^ allot of links in there even though the aren't blue..
