someone please help me

[gypsiejunkie]

Ok so its been a while since ive been on...i havent been doing.well. i moved out of my house friday and things have gone so much worse.than i ever expected. basically to sum things up i was avoiding going to my parents until the last possible moment because i knew it was going to be bad.

when my mom and dad finally came over to discuss the stipulations of me moving in it wasn't until the night before i was moving out even though id been asking about it for a month. anyways their rules go something like this. i can never be home alone without my parents so when they go to work i have to get a ride from my dad at 530 to my grandmas with my son. that means i cant get my daughter ready for school in the morning i cant comb her hair and say goodbye and help her get on the bus and all these things that i love to do for her.

My mom isn't even home to do it some stupid neighborhood girl.comes over for my little siblings. also i cant ever do anything separate from their family. ever. when i have my every other weekend without the kids i cant do anything social. my dad said i cant take my kids on a walk. i cant leave the house. I am seriously devastated right now at the way um being treated. They didn't allow me to bring ANY of my belongings home. they have a big living room in the basement that's not being used I could fit my kids beds in and a lot of ky stuff but they're putting all 3 of us in a small bedroom.

I quit my job for the safety of my kids and i am the first to admit that i have made some huge mistakes in life and need help but i love my kids and ive been taking care of them. i feed them everyday, i dress them, im potty training my son. I dont know why shes taking away something that's important to me and my daughter. besides this shit though the way my.mother is treating me is just unbelievable. Shes just breaking me down to nothing and i dont know what to do. she told me that i have been taking my son ti daycare when i dont need to because im off getting fucked up and that is just a straight fucking lie. i told her i have never done that. he was in daycare while i was going to school but since then i only had him in 2 days last week while i was moving shit and only for a couple hours. that's it.

she then informed me that every time she talks to me on the phone i say hes in daycare so that's how she knows...what?!? I said nooo because he hasn't been in daycare so why would i say that. Thats when she started telling me that i must have forgotten that i took him to daycare because that's how fucked up i am all the time and that everyone in the town im living in knows it and how shitty of a mother i am and all this shit. she was so cruel and just evil i cant believe my own mother would treat me this way. its complete bullshit.

ive been having problems and im the first to admit it but i love my kids and i take care of them. they sleep in my bed every night. I quit really communicating with my parents because they are so fucking out of touch with reality and how to deal with shit so i dont know how she is coming up with her ideas of how my life is. i dont know what to do i have to get out of here. i cant have my kids living in an environment where i get treated like a piece of shit scum of the earth. every feeling i have or opinion is just disregarded because im a drug addict. i have literally no validity in anything because im going through a horrible struggle in life that i am actively trying to get help with.

ive never felt so disrespected and disgusting in my life. I'm no where near where my parents apparently believe i am. i forgot!??? Like im just wandering around neglecting my kids and shit. she was saying that i was there because of the consequences of my addiction which is also not true!! I quit for good reason and that meant i needed somewhere to live im not trying to dismiss my problems because they are very real but im not a piece of shit and im a good mother. yes i could be much better and >I< make mistakes but shes just lying and totally breaking me down to nothing. i feel so shitty right nos im so fucking upset. im trying to see if i can live with my kids dad at his parents house but i dont know if thats possible.

I have to get out of here though its so unhealthy. they've always been pretty degrading to me, even last year before i had a drug problem for some reason i went to their basement to look for something i left there and my dad sent my little sister down ti make sure i didn't steal anything. id never stolen from them ib my life!!! I have been guilty of borrowing cds without asking and shit like that but fuck! Isn't that kind of a normal family thing? Anyway now my siblings constantly say things about how i might steal from them or make other little digs about how much of a loser i am because my parents attitude towards me.

i will not have my kids brainwashed against me. i wish i could express how hurtful and mean and degrading she was bit i can't really put it into words. I wish i had recorded it. so low right now and i dont have many options and they know it. i just want to die this is fucking horrible i dont know how my mom can think so little of me. i have a problem im not a piece of shit. sorry this is so long im just really fucking upset. what should i do?? Everything i say gets ignored but i really think i have to get out of here. and when i do this relationship is OVER forever. im done

 

[gypsiejunkie]

Sorry for all the typos this phone is going to shit and always types the wrong letters unless i type really slow

 

[tripnotyzm]

Hey Gypsie, It saddens me to see you in a position like this.
I understand how much of a torture it must be for you to endure life with your parents when they are not being as supportive as they could be.
At least you have a roof over the head of your children, that's the important thing.
You need to use this experience as a tool for helping you get clean.
I can tell your mothers attitude towards your addiction really bothers you. Instead of wishing you were dead, persevere in changing your ways and proving to your mother and father and siblings that you aren't a piece of shit mother..
It's very easy to tell that you are a good person, a good mother with the best intention for your children.
Please don't let your parents actions bring you down too much.

 

[beezkneez]

People don't understand addiction unless they've been through it themselves. I've been degraded and felt like the biggest piece of shit I almost killed myself. Well - I guess taking drugs was killing me too. Your kids will know what kind of mother you are by YOUR actions. We've put people through a lot of shit to get to this point and you can't just wake up to a better life instantly bc you made a decision to quit drugs. If you are using, stop. Figure it out, find a support plan. But do not use and if you keep doing the right things everything will fall in place. Every time you fuck up and use you are setting yourself, and your kids' lives back. I know how bad it sucks right now but a positive attitude can and will change everything. Good luck. (Ps- I'm on my 3rd day sober and I'm feeling better and better)

 

[gypsiejunkie]

The thing i dont understand is that shr has dealt with addiction..my dad was a drug addict.most of my life! I really dont think i cam live here its toxic. she argues and lectures me 5 hours at a time. she has always had to be right about everything. i mean she HAS to be right. she is mentally ill and everyone that knows her just agrees with her because it makesbthings easier but i cant do it. Even my dad has turned i to her bitch and i know for a fact he just doesnt argue or do the right thing because she makes life easier. this is not just me. My sister says to just agree with her because she will never change but i cant let things go that effecty life and are straight lies. she will talk and talk and talk until im so distraught that she can prove her point that im irrational and unstable and incompetant. she twists everything i say and uses everything against me and is verbally abusive. i dont know what to do i dont want my kids in this enviroment. just today she called to say she wont be home until.530 so if i want someobe to be home when my daughter gets back i better figure it out. what the fuck kind of parenting is that?! I figure it out and am watching her 5 kids and mine. shes fine with my daughter coming home with no one but a 10 year old to be responsible for her amd the other kids there??? Fuck that shit she can say what she wants about me but Im not crazy i know what the hell is going on her whole superioriy complex is baffling to me amd everyone else that knkws her. i cant live with the emotional abuse but i dont know ehere else to go

 

[Cwest]

if its that bad sober up, get a job and move out. sounds like the woman is giving you and your kids a home and keeping your kids away from a junkie. not bad in my book.

 

[gypsiejunkie]

The thing i dont understand is that shr has dealt with addiction..my dad was a drug addict.most of my life! I really dont think i cam live here its toxic. she argues and lectures me 5 hours at a time. she has always had to be right about everything. i mean she HAS to be right. she is mentally ill and everyone that knows her just agrees with her because it makesbthings easier but i cant do it. Even my dad has turned i to her bitch and i know for a fact he just doesnt argue or do the right thing because she makes life easier. this is not just me. My sister says to just agree with her because she will never change but i cant let things go that effecty life and are straight lies. she will talk and talk and talk until im so distraught that she can prove her point that im irrational and unstable and incompetant. she twists everything i say and uses everything against me and is verbally abusive. i dont know what to do i dont want my kids in this enviroment. just today she called to say she wont be home until.530 so if i want someobe to be home when my daughter gets back i better figure it out. what the fuck kind of parenting is that?! I figure it out and am watching her 5 kids and mine. shes fine with my daughter coming home with no one but a 10 year old to be responsible for her amd the other kids there??? Fuck that shit she can say what she wants about me but Im not crazy i know what the hell is going on her whole superioriy complex is baffling to me amd everyone else that knkws her. i cant live with the emotional abuse but i dont know ehere else to go

 

[dopemaster]

TL DR- Too Long, Didn't Read

Gypsie I didn't bother to read your post because of how poorly it is formatted.

Its impossible for me to read your post without getting a headache.

If you would like people to take the time to help you with advice, it would be in order for you to take the time to properly format your typing.

If you take the time to at least use paragraphs or maybe two spaces between sentences I would read your post and respond to it.

If you want people to be kind enough to try to help you with your problems it would be polite to properly format it.

I am not trying to be rude, but its quite difficult to read your post.

 

[gypsiejunkie]

Yea sorry im typing.on a phone and its hard to tell how.long it is in the.first place or format it properly at all. Besides that if i try to go back and fix anything my phone will fuck that up. im just gonna stop posting if its that bad

 

[neversickanymore]

HEY gypsie sorry you are going through this

If I were you I would figure out how to clean up and formulate an follow a strong recovery plan. I know your down gypsi.. but I'm going to hit you with it striat. My intention is not to belittle or degrade you, quite the opposite in fact. We as addicts, especially active addicts, dont always think right. We often take no responsibility for our actions or the results of our actions. We try and sit on our "pity potts" and look for sympathy and blame everyone but ourselves for the mess our lives are in.

We have a hard time admitting to or even seeing the reality of whats went on and whats going, because it a hard pill to swallow. We aren't honest with ourselves and so we are in essence full of shit. We just confabulate a reality that absolves us from responsibility and that justifies continuing to use. Then gasp and scream bloody murder at why we are not taken seriously and are treated like a children. We think that we dont deserve this sorta treatment after all none of this is our fault as its always this persons fault or it was because of this and if I had any worse luck..

We justify all our addict bullshit on some made up story, that we believe is true and that we believe justifies our actions and them wonder why people are always shaking their heads, wearing hip waders, and close pins on their noses. (its because they need this equipment to navigate the insane amount of bullshit we think, cause and spew out all around us. We think we are so clever and will be able to manipulate all the people in our lives who haven't run for the hills to get away from us. We are horrified that no one trust us or believes us. We cant understand how people dont trust us.

Here is another way of looking at your situation, this isn't an attack.. I respect and wish the best for you.. But in order to get and stay clean you will have to get honest.. So I'm just going to hit you with some thoughts here.. Hey you can get through this

Ok so its been a while since ive been on...i havent been doing.well. i moved out of my house friday and things have gone so much worse.than i ever expected. basically to sum things up i was avoiding going to my parents until the last possible moment because i knew it was going to be bad.

when my mom and dad finally came over to discuss the stipulations of me moving in it wasn't until the night before i was moving out even though id been asking about it for a month. I know its family and all but how excited and promotional are they going to be at having an active drug addict and their two grand children moving back into the house? Haven't they already raised their kids?

anyways their rules go something like this. i can never be home alone without my parents so when they go to work i have to get a ride from my dad at 530 to my grandmas with my son. that means i cant get my daughter ready for school in the morning i cant comb her hair and say goodbye and help her get on the bus and all these things that i love to do for her. Clean yourself up and develop a strong recovery, EARN back the trust. You may also look at this in a positive and realistic way.. you still have your children and you are obviously in the throws of a deep addiction.. SO SO SO many people and mothers loose their children because of addiction everyday. Also I would get off the pity pot on the rules of your parents. SO many people in the throws of addiction look around one day and they dont have anyone who still cares for them, they dont have a loving home that will allow them and their children back into the house. The have their children taken by child services and find a spot in a shelter if they are lucky. They would give thier right hand to have a family that was not only willing to accept them back in but cares enough about you and the children to make sure you are constantly supervised, do you think your father wants to give you a ride every day, do you think your grand mother want you there everyday. They obvously love you a great deal and are willing to take on a great amount of incoveince to give you a chance to help yourself. they even have employed the niebors to help your doughter get the care she needs while still protecting you. Instead of looking at this as an unjust burdon why not take amazing help your parents are providing and use this extra time to tackle your addciton. As your father was a drug addict, he knows how active drug addcits work, and it will take efort, progress against your addcitons, and time to reagin thee trust.

My mom isn't even home to do it some stupid neighborhood girl.comes over for my little siblings. also i cant ever do anything separate from their family. ever. when i have my every other weekend without the kids i cant do anything social. my dad said i cant take my kids on a walk. i cant leave the house. I am seriously devastated right now at the way um being treated. They didn't allow me to bring ANY of my belongings home. they have a big living room in the basement that's not being used I could fit my kids beds in and a lot of ky stuff but they're putting all 3 of us in a small bedroom. This is only temporary and it sure as hell beets a shelter or the streets, which is where you would be if you didn't have such a quality family. Your father s not dumb, he knows that an addict will devise a plan to get drugs at the drop of a hat.. If I were you I would stop groaning about where you are and what you are being asked to do.. as you have the ability to leave at any time, your not chained there.. I would start being a little grateful and use this opportunity to heal yourself. If you are able to do this you still have a real life in your future.

I quit my job for the safety of my kids and i am the first to admit that i have made some huge mistakes in life and need help but i love my kids and ive been taking care of them. Children need parents that aren't in active addiction. what put you in a position to have to quit your job for the kids safety? If you were looking out for your childrens needs then why dont you have a house for them?

i feed them everyday, i dress them, im potty training my son. I dont know why shes taking away something that's important to me and my daughter. besides this shit though the way my.mother is treating me is just unbelievable. Shes just breaking me down to nothing and i dont know what to do. she told me that i have been taking my son ti daycare when i dont need to because im off getting fucked up and that is just a straight fucking lie. i told her i have never done that. he was in daycare while i was going to school but since then i only had him in 2 days last week while i was moving shit and only for a couple hours. that's it. If you get clean and enter into a strong recovery you will have all these things and way more.. maybe your mother is breaking you down because you just wont accept the fact that you are in real trouble and need to get better right now.. maybe she is just trying to break down some of the lies you are telling yourself and using to deflect reality.. you are an active drug addict that is unemployed and has moved back into your parents place. You are an amazing person and an amazing mother. clean your self up, get the help you need, start taking responsibility for the results of your actions, and above all else take an active part in recovering from your addiction. Accept wher you are, throw all shame and guilt out the window, get up dust yourself off and begin to move forward.

she then informed me that every time she talks to me on the phone i say hes in daycare so that's how she knows...what?!? I said nooo because he hasn't been in daycare so why would i say that. Thats when she started telling me that i must have forgotten that i took him to daycare because that's how fucked up i am all the time and that everyone in the town im living in knows it and how shitty of a mother i am and all this shit. she was so cruel and just evil i cant believe my own mother would treat me this way. its complete bullshit. with the amount of pitty seaking thought this doesn't seem to unjust.. a bit of tough love perhaps

ive been having problems and im the first to admit it but i love my kids and i take care of them. they sleep in my bed every night. I quit really communicating with my parents because they are so fucking out of touch with reality and how to deal with shit so i dont know how she is coming up with her ideas of how my life is. You think this might be total BS?

i dont know what to do i have to get out of here. clean yourself up and get to a place where you can provide for yourself.. a good word we addicts hate to hear "time to grow up"..

I cant have my kids living in an environment where i get treated like a piece of shit scum of the earth. every feeling i have or opinion is just disregarded because im a drug addict. i have literally no validity in anything because im going through a horrible struggle in life that i am actively trying to get help with. there is a big difference between "going through" and "dealing with" you will get your validity back when you begin to heal yourself and your relationships.

ive never felt so disrespected and disgusting in my life. I'm no where near where my parents apparently believe i am. i forgot!??? Like im just wandering around neglecting my kids and shit. she was saying that i was there because of the consequences of my addiction which is also not true!! I quit for good reason and that meant i needed somewhere to live im not trying to dismiss my problems because they are very real but im not a piece of shit and im a good mother. yes i could be much better and >I< make mistakes but shes just lying and totally breaking me down to nothing. i feel so shitty right nos im so fucking upset. im trying to see if i can live with my kids dad at his parents house but i dont know if thats possible.

I have to get out of here though its so unhealthy. they've always been pretty degrading to me, even last year before i had a drug problem for some reason i went to their basement to look for something i left there and my dad sent my little sister down ti make sure i didn't steal anything. id never stolen from them ib my life!!! I have been guilty of borrowing cds without asking and shit like that but fuck! Isn't that kind of a normal family thing? Anyway now my siblings constantly say things about how i might steal from them or make other little digs about how much of a loser i am because my parents attitude towards me. I just have a hard time believing that this is totally unfounded..

i will not have my kids brainwashed against me. i wish i could express how hurtful and mean and degrading she was bit i can't really put it into words. I wish i had recorded it. so low right now and i dont have many options and they know it. i just want to die this is fucking horrible i dont know how my mom can think so little of me. i have a problem im not a piece of shit. sorry this is so long im just really fucking upset. what should i do?? Everything i say gets ignored but i really think i have to get out of here. and when i do this relationship is OVER forever. im done
You need to get and stay clean or they wont need any brain washing to be against you. For you and your children its time to make that monumental effort and put your recovery above everything else.. cause with out it there isn't going to be much of anything else.

Your an amazing person. Your an amazing mother. But you need to get honest and real. You have an amazing opportunity to create a whole new life. You have the support of you parents and others. Please take this second chance and use it to heal and create an amazing life for you and your children You can do this.. The hardest part of anything is starting... please make recovery your number one priority... this is your opertunity at a whole new life.. GO ALREADY!!!

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