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Someone close to me has killed herself
- Thread starter Kota
- Start date
Sammy G
Ex-Bluelighter
Jaysus. I don't really know what to say other than don't hold yourself responsible.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Please don't blame yourself. That's a horrible burdle to put on yourself.
One of my friends died at 18 on the operation table. I vowed from then on I'd not hold grudges n felt extremely guilty for a long time because I fell out with her.
We, none of us, are responsible for another person's actions. This person may have had issues that you may know nothing about n if they hurt you, of course you're going to be upset.
Sorry for what's happened. Please take care of yourself.
Evey
One of my friends died at 18 on the operation table. I vowed from then on I'd not hold grudges n felt extremely guilty for a long time because I fell out with her.
We, none of us, are responsible for another person's actions. This person may have had issues that you may know nothing about n if they hurt you, of course you're going to be upset.
Sorry for what's happened. Please take care of yourself.
Evey
Erikmen
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- May 3, 2014
- Messages
- 20,707
I am very sorry to hear that.
Don't put yourself in that position. It's wasn't your decision no matter how close you were.
Pray and send good energy for her.
That's going to give you more peace and maybe that's what she needs now - who knows?!
Don't put yourself in that position. It's wasn't your decision no matter how close you were.
Pray and send good energy for her.
That's going to give you more peace and maybe that's what she needs now - who knows?!
NightsEpiphany
Bluelighter
Bless you Kota 
may she rest in peace.
may she rest in peace.
people fall out all the time but taking ones life is a personal decision that an inividual makes and must take all sort of issues that come to a head- you cannot attach blame for anothers actions as serious as this. Blame is a classic part of grieving and you can be sure that there will be others who also knew your friend who are going through or who will be the near future.
Take it easy, don;'t beat yourself up and try and thingk of the good memories.
Take it easy, don;'t beat yourself up and try and thingk of the good memories.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
Not sure about the right to die, mental health issues n all that, but that's not for this thread. Just please try not to blame yourself. You're not to blame, ok?!
Evey
Evey
I'll just come out and say it: you did not push her to do this.
One of my younger brothers committed suicide - in a manner so fukkin horrendous I will not even discuss it here beyond the fact he went for maximum pain and suffering with zero chance of reversal. My mother had to send the local police around to inform me of this cos I was at the height of my junky crackhead era and not easy to get hold of. When I finally made it back to where they lived he'd been dead a week and was laid out in the mortuary awaiting cremation. His flesh so loaded with toxins I couldn't touch him or even get too close. Swollen and purple.
In hindsight this is pretty clear evidence that he meant it. At least for that split second when he made the fateful decision he did after years of planning knowing there was no comeback. His last words were "I think I did something rather silly". And you know what my deeply depressed junky brain interpreted this as? "It was all your fault, you should have seen the signs but you weren't here cos you were too busy smoking crack and shooting smack".
It took me a very, very long time to finally accept that that probably wasn't the case. And now I truly know it was never the case - I just made it my case cos it suited my own need to hate myself.
People kill themselves for any number of reasons and sometimes on a complete whim. Those left behind are not party to those reasons - whatever they were if there even were any to outside observers. We all blame ourselves but this is self-indulgence. I hate to be so blunt but it is. People who take it that far had their reasons and they take those reasons with them. At least give them the final dignity of taking it with them because it never was about "us" - it was always about "them".
Many, many apologies for the harshness inherent in the above but this is a topic that brings out very strong feelings in me and I kinda wish somebody had reminded me of some of this stuff sooner than I finally worked it out for myself a very long time later.
Be good to yourself, Kota. The chances are your friend wanted to bring nothing but peace to all she knew. Which is precisely the tragedy of suicide.
Much love
One of my younger brothers committed suicide - in a manner so fukkin horrendous I will not even discuss it here beyond the fact he went for maximum pain and suffering with zero chance of reversal. My mother had to send the local police around to inform me of this cos I was at the height of my junky crackhead era and not easy to get hold of. When I finally made it back to where they lived he'd been dead a week and was laid out in the mortuary awaiting cremation. His flesh so loaded with toxins I couldn't touch him or even get too close. Swollen and purple.
In hindsight this is pretty clear evidence that he meant it. At least for that split second when he made the fateful decision he did after years of planning knowing there was no comeback. His last words were "I think I did something rather silly". And you know what my deeply depressed junky brain interpreted this as? "It was all your fault, you should have seen the signs but you weren't here cos you were too busy smoking crack and shooting smack".
It took me a very, very long time to finally accept that that probably wasn't the case. And now I truly know it was never the case - I just made it my case cos it suited my own need to hate myself.
People kill themselves for any number of reasons and sometimes on a complete whim. Those left behind are not party to those reasons - whatever they were if there even were any to outside observers. We all blame ourselves but this is self-indulgence. I hate to be so blunt but it is. People who take it that far had their reasons and they take those reasons with them. At least give them the final dignity of taking it with them because it never was about "us" - it was always about "them".
Many, many apologies for the harshness inherent in the above but this is a topic that brings out very strong feelings in me and I kinda wish somebody had reminded me of some of this stuff sooner than I finally worked it out for myself a very long time later.
Be good to yourself, Kota. The chances are your friend wanted to bring nothing but peace to all she knew. Which is precisely the tragedy of suicide.
Much love
BigG
Ex-Bluelighter
I remember you tellingly about that a while ago shambles mate I 'm really sorry for your loss and the awful manner in which your brother was taken from you....
Kota - It's not your fault hun and please don't blame yourself. If however you are having some feelings you just can't shake then speak to someone about them sooner rather than later as it's not a good idea to let bad feelings like that fester. I hope you're OK. Please feel free to PM me if you feel the need or want advice into counselling sessions in your area. I recently had counseling for something nasty that i witnessed at work and it really did help. Take care hun
Kota - It's not your fault hun and please don't blame yourself. If however you are having some feelings you just can't shake then speak to someone about them sooner rather than later as it's not a good idea to let bad feelings like that fester. I hope you're OK. Please feel free to PM me if you feel the need or want advice into counselling sessions in your area. I recently had counseling for something nasty that i witnessed at work and it really did help. Take care hun
That is something I really should have added. I never did receive any counselling but am finally due to do so sometime "soon". Time does heal but professional help heals sooner one would hope.
I don't know what you may make of my posts in this thread, Kota, but do please feel free to contact me if you wish to. I can be slow to respond but that is because I am a bit shite at PMs and try to respond "properly" which is not always immediately feasible for me.
Once again, I am sorry for your loss but please don't blame yourself
I don't know what you may make of my posts in this thread, Kota, but do please feel free to contact me if you wish to. I can be slow to respond but that is because I am a bit shite at PMs and try to respond "properly" which is not always immediately feasible for me.
Once again, I am sorry for your loss but please don't blame yourself
Don Luigi
Bluelight Crew
Sorry to hear I can only echo what is said above
I don't think I've ever heard anyone put it so well.
I can only echo what is said aboveI don't think I've ever heard anyone put it so well.
BecomingJulie
Bluelight Crew
Oh, Kota
Right now, you don't really know what to think; so your brain will be going through a process of elimination, trying on various ideas just to see how they fit. And unfortunately, (1) this is bound to include things like This is all my fault and I am a terrible person and (2) you will remember the ideas that fit really badly as clearly as you remember the ones that fit well.
It will get better, given time. Four-legged company helps, as do -- excuse the cliché -- fresh air and exercise; a long walk in the country with a dog to whom you can tell your innermost thoughts safe in the knowledge that you won't be judged, and which leaves you feeling exhausted enough to sleep without chemical assistance, really is an excellent remedy for most things. But as I don't know much about your state of pet ownership or physical fitness, this may not be applicable.
Right now, you don't really know what to think; so your brain will be going through a process of elimination, trying on various ideas just to see how they fit. And unfortunately, (1) this is bound to include things like This is all my fault and I am a terrible person and (2) you will remember the ideas that fit really badly as clearly as you remember the ones that fit well.
It will get better, given time. Four-legged company helps, as do -- excuse the cliché -- fresh air and exercise; a long walk in the country with a dog to whom you can tell your innermost thoughts safe in the knowledge that you won't be judged, and which leaves you feeling exhausted enough to sleep without chemical assistance, really is an excellent remedy for most things. But as I don't know much about your state of pet ownership or physical fitness, this may not be applicable.
Eveleivibe
Ex-Bluelighter
I'll just come out and say it: you did not push her to do this.
One of my younger brothers committed suicide - in a manner so fukkin horrendous I will not even discuss it here beyond the fact he went for maximum pain and suffering with zero chance of reversal. My mother had to send the local police around to inform me of this cos I was at the height of my junky crackhead era and not easy to get hold of. When I finally made it back to where they lived he'd been dead a week and was laid out in the mortuary awaiting cremation. His flesh so loaded with toxins I couldn't touch him or even get too close. Swollen and purple.
In hindsight this is pretty clear evidence that he meant it. At least for that split second when he made the fateful decision he did after years of planning knowing there was no comeback. His last words were "I think I did something rather silly". And you know what my deeply depressed junky brain interpreted this as? "It was all your fault, you should have seen the signs but you weren't here cos you were too busy smoking crack and shooting smack".
It took me a very, very long time to finally accept that that probably wasn't the case. And now I truly know it was never the case - I just made it my case cos it suited my own need to hate myself.
People kill themselves for any number of reasons and sometimes on a complete whim. Those left behind are not party to those reasons - whatever they were if there even were any to outside observers. We all blame ourselves but this is self-indulgence. I hate to be so blunt but it is. People who take it that far had their reasons and they take those reasons with them. At least give them the final dignity of taking it with them because it never was about "us" - it was always about "them".
Many, many apologies for the harshness inherent in the above but this is a topic that brings out very strong feelings in me and I kinda wish somebody had reminded me of some of this stuff sooner than I finally worked it out for myself a very long time later.
Be good to yourself, Kota. The chances are your friend wanted to bring nothing but peace to all she knew. Which is precisely the tragedy of suicide.
Much love
So very sorry about you brother, Shambles.
Evey
foolsgold
Bluelighter
sorry for your loss
Sammy G
Ex-Bluelighter
I'll bet.