frostyangel
Bluelighter
Life started so simple for me.
I didn't have to much to accomplish.
I wish I knew, I had to be prepared.
For all the pain that my heart could
unfold.
The memories that I held, was only a
short distant since yesterday.
When I was not afraid..
So why, now is it so hard to breathe?
when I think i've already had enough..
when I thought my hands were already
to full, and I couldn't handle anymore.
You tell me not to worry..
I really wish I knew what that meant..
and I don't know the ways anymore to turn.
If I could let go of everything, everything
that anyone has ever done to make me break
down inside or cry my eyes out, maybe I could
remember how to have fun..
So, there is this shadow of answer that became
hard deal with. I hated myself more than anything
anyone had inflicted on me.
I slowly started to slip away from everything.
Not only from myself, but everything that I
have ever known, every great caring emotion that
I wanted to share.. died. And I didn't care to
bring them back. My mouth no longer wanted to
move to find out how anothers were doing..
shit they didn't hear me when I was trapped
between the walls of my own death..when I
thought it was for the best..
I became so bitter.
And I couldn't understand.. how a person like me,
an open to anything, loving music and art..I would
sing as well as any angel would let me and
could stare at beautiful sky for hours on end..
make love to the fullest extent.. at least I
thought that was who I was...
Did I stop believing myself because you destroyed me?
Maybe, it was when I tripped and fell and you kept on
walking.. right on over me..yet again.. I picked myself
up only to find that I could never wash these dirty knees
clean..
Or was it yet another thing for me to discover that was
false in my life? Like all the lies you held above my
head only for me to disbelieve.
Who knew by this time in my life I would be so immune
to such a little feeling as caring. Sometimes, you
can't always do.. do.. do.. when all you want to do
is except. And if no one ever stops to do for you..
you lose the outline of your finger tips that would
willingly help someone else out.
I am afraid I'll never get over this .. but what is
worse is that you just might never understand. And
you'll walk away like everybody else.. because that
is the easy thing to do. Hell, everyone likes to do
things that are easy. I keep telling myself don't be
so hard..
.......someday you'll find you again..........
I didn't have to much to accomplish.
I wish I knew, I had to be prepared.
For all the pain that my heart could
unfold.
The memories that I held, was only a
short distant since yesterday.
When I was not afraid..
So why, now is it so hard to breathe?
when I think i've already had enough..
when I thought my hands were already
to full, and I couldn't handle anymore.
You tell me not to worry..
I really wish I knew what that meant..
and I don't know the ways anymore to turn.
If I could let go of everything, everything
that anyone has ever done to make me break
down inside or cry my eyes out, maybe I could
remember how to have fun..
So, there is this shadow of answer that became
hard deal with. I hated myself more than anything
anyone had inflicted on me.
I slowly started to slip away from everything.
Not only from myself, but everything that I
have ever known, every great caring emotion that
I wanted to share.. died. And I didn't care to
bring them back. My mouth no longer wanted to
move to find out how anothers were doing..
shit they didn't hear me when I was trapped
between the walls of my own death..when I
thought it was for the best..
I became so bitter.
And I couldn't understand.. how a person like me,
an open to anything, loving music and art..I would
sing as well as any angel would let me and
could stare at beautiful sky for hours on end..
make love to the fullest extent.. at least I
thought that was who I was...
Did I stop believing myself because you destroyed me?
Maybe, it was when I tripped and fell and you kept on
walking.. right on over me..yet again.. I picked myself
up only to find that I could never wash these dirty knees
clean..
Or was it yet another thing for me to discover that was
false in my life? Like all the lies you held above my
head only for me to disbelieve.
Who knew by this time in my life I would be so immune
to such a little feeling as caring. Sometimes, you
can't always do.. do.. do.. when all you want to do
is except. And if no one ever stops to do for you..
you lose the outline of your finger tips that would
willingly help someone else out.
I am afraid I'll never get over this .. but what is
worse is that you just might never understand. And
you'll walk away like everybody else.. because that
is the easy thing to do. Hell, everyone likes to do
things that are easy. I keep telling myself don't be
so hard..
.......someday you'll find you again..........
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