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Somebody help me out here

I

Imfuckedlol

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Joined
May 23, 2013
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14
I've done a lot of mdma, mostly in caps so it probably wasn't the safest.
I've gone anywhere from .2 caps *NO PRICES* bucks to some pure stuff for *NO PRICES* for 2 grams (From a trusted childhood friend lol)
I really only started abusing it just last summer (2012) from the start till about mid February i was abusing mdma.
In summer i would be able to do it about 3 times a day for a week/2 weeks that stopped quickly, i lost a lot of weight.
i went from 125-90 pounds ( I use to be pretty under weight too) .
oh i should add in there im 5'11'/6' 17 years old.
anyways i think my minds fucked, how much mdma is too much?
i cant really count how many times I've done it, the amounts varied.
on new years i did that 2 grams to myself along with some coke, i could have done it anywhere between 30-70 times.
and sorry about this post being all over the place,
my mind feels fucked, I'm always worrying about if people are judging me, im straight up anti social now.
Im insecure as fuck. and I can't look people in the eye, i get this weird anxiety when i do for too long.
I've been getting at the gym every day since feb. and eating proparlly and i weigh 140ish pounds now.
but i can't seem to fix my mind.
some of my friends are always telling me to look up, I didn't get that fucked up, but honestly i feel like I'll always be anti social now.. Is that possible?? I use to be a bit of an awkward dude as a kid and before my abuse but it didn't get in my way ofmaking friends, meeting girls and what not but this anxiety makes me feel like I'm nuts....
my last question, would 5 htp solve this I don't want to go through life like this, I'm only 17 years old :(
* my spellings always been shitty
oh i should have added ive been eatting proparlly since about December, its impossible to gain 50 pounts in 3 months lol
 
Last edited by a moderator:
Hey man, I'm sorry to hear you have issues from drug abuse. MDMA will make you feel greater than ever, but if you abuse it... it WILL make you feel worse than hell. This is what has happened to you. You abused the drug and you are now paying the price.

But you are making good progress, you are going to the gym and eating food. Physically you are on your way to recover!
Now there's the mental game. If you beleive you're gonna be anti social and that you're weird- then you are gonna be.
If you beleive there's a way out of this and you will get there, you will. There is probably nothing wrong with you at all as a person, I got a friend too with anxiety issues, and he's one of the funniest guys I know, I love him. Anxiety is pretty common and nothing to be ashamed about, I got issues myself. I cry sometimes.

Whats important is stay away from drugs, try to cheer up and realize you're just a guy/girl struggling through what we call life.
In my opinion you will recover, it will take time, but with excersize it will go faster for sure. You are not alone on being nuts btw.. we all are fucking nuts lol (truth)
 
Thanks man, it's just I wasn't anti social before this. I was a bit immature, and goofy but I had a lot of good friends and now I'm like scared to hangout with them, I'm starting to get way to much alone time though.
I know anxiety is normal, but i feel like I wont be as great as a person i could have been, like a man i guess you could say. In the future of course.
these insecurities are really troubling too, I feel like its all in my head most the time, but when m on the bus I'll feel like my mind is blank, I'm staring into space or im just worrying to myself. I wish i stayed with phycodelics
would it be helpful to look into some of those 5 htp pills?
 
Also when ever i smoke weed now, i get this overwhelming feeling of depression.
I'll stare into a mirror and think i look like a retard.
Or ill just be blank.
when i blaze with friends I'll just look/feel like im stuck in a bubble (from what they say)
Has mdma ruined weed for me too :|
 
Imfuckedlol said:
and I can't look people in the eye, i get this weird anxiety when i do for too long.
Click to expand...

I know exactly what you mean. Someone is talking to you and your just listening but when your looking in his eyes your gettin a weird anxiety feeling and the best thing to do is to stand up and walk away or look away.

In general I agree with Exstazy. You'll be fine, just stay positive, eat/sleep/exercise.
 
You will feel better with time. STOP SMOKING WEED. You don't have to give it up forever but any smoking you do right now will only make your symptoms worse.
 
Clocktower said:
You will feel better with time. STOP SMOKING WEED. You don't have to give it up forever but any smoking you do right now will only make your symptoms worse.
Click to expand...

yea if weed triggers more paranoia then just stop smoking it, its better left alone if you dont enjoy it anymore.
I got weird anxiety on cannabis for a while cause I got fired and the police sent me a fine in the mail.. every time I smoked i thought about it. Sometimes even to this day I can get anxiety by smoking weed, depends on the day/setting. Actually setting is the most important when it comes to weed for me.

And note to OP, all ur saying sounds like typical MDMA/drug comedowns and it is actually normal to feel exactly like you do.
 
When i was really abusing the stuff I had the same issue with looking people in the eyes. Could do it for a few seconds then it just felt weird so I looked at the ground or made an excuse to walk away. Went away after I stopped abusing the shit out of it and ate healthy. Yeah stop smoking weed too and make the gym your best friend, you'll get better before you know it.
 
Imfuckedlol said:
ah alright thanks guys, that actually cleared all my worries.
what would 5 htp do for me?
Click to expand...

Never used it but read here it's better to just eat healthy. That means eat lots of foods that are high in tryptophan which ends up being converted to serotonin in your body. Vitamin c also, just eat healthy. Things like Bananas, Turkey, and chicken have lots of tryptophan, just do a google search you'll get more answers.
 
Alright thanks mj1945, and all my buddies are always telling me Ive been talking really quietly and like down lately. will that stop? cuz i feel like ill loose my friends if they think im nuts
 
5-htp could be helpful if you react positively to it. Not everyone does, but it is worth a shot. The potential benefits outweigh the side-effects, imo. Piracetam or some of its related "racetams" could be helpful but it may take some experimenting to find out which one works for you. As far as weed goes, it can be of great benefit for some people and can exacerbate the problem for others. Only use it if it helps. For a lot of people, it can make anxiety worse. Have you seen a psychiatrist or therapist?
 
No man i don't need a therapist, like weed use to be normal for me. i had the best head. like i also use to probably still can trip great on acid.
like when i did shrooms recently, first time i did 3 grams of some good shit along with 3 caps .25s.
and i had a horrible trip. i felt extremly insecure.
i kicked my buddies out my house at like 10 pm becuase i thought they where secretly making fun of me although they wherent.
like weed use to be weed for me and now ever since my mdma/coke days its just turned against me it makes me extremely insecure, almost childish.
I never had any social anxieties, except for well i was a little bit of an awkward dude, but it didnt get in the way of me socializing
 
Imfuckedlol said:
Also when ever i smoke weed now, i get this overwhelming feeling of depression.
I'll stare into a mirror and think i look like a retard.
Or ill just be blank.
when i blaze with friends I'll just look/feel like im stuck in a bubble (from what they say)
Has mdma ruined weed for me too :|
Click to expand...

Now some more of the story is coming out.

STOP smoking weed. STOP using mdma.

What is more important to you, abusing your body and making things worse or becoming that person you want to be?
 
Mate you are seventeen. At that age it is perfectly normal for someone to be discovering who and where they are in the world, where they stand, and its very normal to have feelings of insecurity, paranoia and just general exploring and learning issues. And thats for a normal person who does not take drugs.
Do yourself a favour, sort out where you are as a non abuser of chemicals as much as you can... the chems aren't going anywhere, however, your state of mind may well be at risk for future years if you don't give yourself a chance to develop a relationship with yourself without being wasted often.

Teen ages are fucken difficult times at the best of times, please take a break and give your mind a chance to get to know itself.
 
Mazdan: Man i love weed though, like I stopped smoking because of it but will it eventually sort it self out?
Vikingdancer: Meh, Im ine when i drink, i just passout at the end of a night earilir then i use to really, what does imo mean\bunnymurro: thanks man, I feel like i should have somesort of sense of myself by now though, I've got to take an extra year next year to graduate lol, kinda shitty.
Can't even fuck with mdma anymore, I havent fucked around with anything hard in 3ish months anyways
might drop acid a couple times in summer then im done with drugs, it just gets in the way of life.

oh i probably should say i shot up coke twice before lol
 
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