When I lost my best friend Joe in an overdose a little over three months again I have this reminder of why I can not help him and it reminds me of my past quilt, my past deaths that are not able to change. I pray I these things do not exist, and that I must be dreaming. Just in time to wake up with the hard facts, that we all live, we all die. That does not begin to justify what has all happened to a lot of us. In all of my past skeletons, I miss what all of the people meant to me. I was left alone, to fend for me and my daughters in a world that would rather see you die then hear your pain. Like a sea of tears to wide to cross, it scares so maany people away so that help is out of the question in most cases. I just think until we let out our pain to an open ear even if it is just to God or a close friend or to be honest out loud works too, it is then we should find answers. That is not always the case though. There is no answers to life, only ways of survival. How do you survive in a world that would rather eat you then to feed you. Some say with religion, and I am a christian, but it is just not that simple. There is a war on this planet and a lot of times, it is between those that are hurting, and those that are in denial and then the privledged ones. A lot of the ones that really need help is the ones that are to proud or afraid to ask. Not because they think they are better then you, but because the mere thought of another rejection is just to hard to bare, and to do without is easier then to be denied help in your lowest times in life. Sometimes a person is so broken that it takes everything in them to just try to survive.
Sometimes you need to know the worst is over now and you can breathe again. There's so much left to learn, and not many left to fight that are willing to help or make a difference. There is really nothing that can steal your pain, but you. You need to want to release it, and not feel guilty when you let go, or the guilt has a string to it as if when you try to let it go, it still drags you down. Especially when you are in denial about the very thing you are trying to let go. Those are the very things that have the strongest strings attached and drag you harder and faster. You must recongnize what you are releasing so you know that even though it is a part of you, it doesn't have to be you. You can only become all you want and more, if you learn when to acknowledge what you are and where you've been. We can take responsibility without letting it break us down or what was the purpose of surviving. Apparantly we are all here for a reason, why not make the best of it, and stop judging yourself and others. Just learn to learn lessons, not labels yourself as broken, you are not broken you are becoming the person you need to be with the lessons you go through. These things mold you into who and what you are. That is why so many people do not care, because most parents never wanted the kids or the kids were abused to grow up to abuse, and no one takes blame. When we can stop and recognise our weakness and strengths will be able to move forward and find peace.
Sometimes you need to know the worst is over now and you can breathe again. There's so much left to learn, and not many left to fight that are willing to help or make a difference. There is really nothing that can steal your pain, but you. You need to want to release it, and not feel guilty when you let go, or the guilt has a string to it as if when you try to let it go, it still drags you down. Especially when you are in denial about the very thing you are trying to let go. Those are the very things that have the strongest strings attached and drag you harder and faster. You must recongnize what you are releasing so you know that even though it is a part of you, it doesn't have to be you. You can only become all you want and more, if you learn when to acknowledge what you are and where you've been. We can take responsibility without letting it break us down or what was the purpose of surviving. Apparantly we are all here for a reason, why not make the best of it, and stop judging yourself and others. Just learn to learn lessons, not labels yourself as broken, you are not broken you are becoming the person you need to be with the lessons you go through. These things mold you into who and what you are. That is why so many people do not care, because most parents never wanted the kids or the kids were abused to grow up to abuse, and no one takes blame. When we can stop and recognise our weakness and strengths will be able to move forward and find peace.
