Some Thoughts... (non-poetry)

[zero9zero]

Heya,
I just wanted to get some thoughts and feelings off my chest that have been bugging me for awhile. If you have any input, feel free..
Anyways. I was sitting at home earlier today, bored out of my mind and my mom came into my room to talk to me. She looked upset. She told me she was depressed because I never spend any time with her and my dad anymore. To me it seems obvious. I'd been living on my own for almost a year and a half before I moved back in with my family at the beginning of July, and I've just grown to be an independent person. Her claim that i spend absolutely no time with them whatsoever is totally false, I guess it just seems that way to her.
I left a short while later, and while I was driving to meet up with my friend Cathy to get some dinner and I came to a realization. I've become an asshole. It seems to happen to me every summer. I get really pissed off and bitter with the world, then something happens around July or so that humbles me and teaches me a life lesson. That hasn't happened this year, absolutely nothing signifigant has happened, and it just seems like the months float by meaninglessly. But I digress.
So I've decided I've become an asshole. It seems like every friend I have has been doing a lot of things to piss me off lately, and noone seems to be keeping their word when they SWEAR they will do whatever. Whether it be hang out, call me, stop in and see me at work, anything. Nobody keeps their word, and that's what pisses me off the most. In my mind, I've got a good reason to be bitter, in my mind, people have been treating me like shit. Like if they have nothing else better to do, they'll spend time with me. Fuck that. I'm "_" close to telling just about everyone of my "friends" or even accquaintences to fuck off, because it seems to me like I'm just here as a convience. Nobody is willing to have a serious conversation, nobody gives a shit about my opinion, nobody wants to take responsibility for things. It hurts my feelings more than anything, and that's what makes me angry. I'm not screaming at people, or getting in fights, that's not my style. I just honestly don't know what to do. Why is everyone building up spending time with me, then when that times comes, either ignoring me, or acting like they're doing me a favor? I honestly just don't understand how people minds work and how dicking over a friend for whatever reason, with NO explaination, can be justified. Sorry for ranting, but I just felt to need to get that out.
Dave

 

[LiQwidVibeZ]

((((((((hugz)))))) True friends are hard to find....acquaintances are a dime a dozen. Just remember life is like turntables.......what goes around comes around.

 

[zero9zero]

unfournately sometimes when it comes around the records are all warped and don't play anymore.
Dave

 

[Oldroller]

Ironic as it is, I'm probably as old as your parents yet I can relate to every word you speak.
If life has taught me one thing, it is that the only person you can ever depend on is yourself.
An unfortunate fact of life these days it that most people we know are more or less self serving. I'd love to believe that the people I know and consider friends or good aquaintences cared as much as I do about others genuinely. Aint so.
By not expecting much from anyone else, I am seldom let down. In fact, I can honestly say that as for TRUE friends go? I can count them on my left hand and I still have a few fingers left over.
Just because you may have a good heart don't assume others are the same.
I've reached a point in my life where I do not put up with any shit that I don't like. If someone is only out to use me I quickly disassociate myself from that person. I choose my friends more closely these days and try not to get burned.
As for family whom we all expect nothing but total trust in...Mine were the worst. I disowned most of my family so long ago that they are barely a distant memory. I'd sooner help a total stranger than most of my relatives.
In summary, learn to respect yourself, treat yourself the way you would want others to treat you. Learn to be content with no-one but yourself. Should someone enter your life who has the same values, ideal, and integrity as yourself...Treasure them and see that you never lose them.
This aint no rehearsal...Make your life count for something good and sleep with a clear conscious at night!
Peace brother

 

[little_e]

ok-
oldroller makes a lot of sense and i can totally see how that seems like it's probably the best way to be...that is not expecting much from people and not being disappointed when they don't live up to those expectations.
but it seems to me that if you live life like that then your bound to hold people at a distance and become estranged from even those few friends that you really do cherish.
i'm far from knowing everything simply because i'm super naieve and i've been screwed more that once by thinking this way, but i think that you have to let people get close to you before they'll feel comfortable enough to take you seriously.
it can be a total shit-approach because people can stomp on you can completely use and under-appreciate you, but that's how i see things.
zero9zero-
maybe you need to sit down and think about all of your friendships that you think/thought mattered. some times other people overlook things and don't mean to hurt people's feelings. perhaps they don't realize how you're feeling. you really should tell them.
later
------------------
"Rage, rage against the dying of the light." -Dylan Thomas

 

[Noodle]

I would caution you against becoming too bitter and cool.
Although harsh words may often feel warranted, speak--or shout

--your feelings only after really exploring their origins.
Take this all with a grain or two, from a looper of self- inflicted angst and whatnot

Your parents will have to accept your independence whether they regard it as a postive or a negative. Good luck and all that...

 

[Oldroller]

Lot of good points being made here and I would'nt even begin to think that my opinion is the one and only right solution.
One fact tho, "communication" about whatever issue, is the ultimate way to resolve any conflict.
Either tell everyone whats on your mind or like myself, shut most out. I have learned to become very comfortable with the safety that comes from not allowing my heart and feelings to become vulnerable.
I know this would not work for most people which in the long run is better overall for society in general.
At any rate: Hope you can work things out, be happy, enjoy life while it's yours to enjoy.