Here is my abbreviated story.My family has always had little to no tolerance for drug use. So this Thursday will be the 4 year to the day that my oldest brother died. He himself struggled with substance abuse for many years and my parents were very aware of that.
I am not sure if I would consider myself depressed but these past 4 years have been terrible personally having to deal with the loss of my brother who I was very close to. But then watching my parents have their grief cut them down. All my friends didn't know how to relate to me so they stopped trying. Moved schools found a friend who really understood what was going on in my life and he helped me out a lot. But then life gave me the finger and he was killed in a car accident .
So all the progress I felt I made was basically lost. I lost all motivation to live went from a 3.7 to about a 1.6 gpa. The only reason I didn't end my life was I didn't want my parents have to lose another child. With the 2 year anniversary of my brother dieing coming up I was thinking of anything I could do to escape reality. I ended up finding an old bottle of wisdom teeth medication.
Those pills were the first time i liked life since my brother died. I tried to find more pills when the bottle ran out. Those Pesky pill bottle always seem to do that. Being only 17 at this point I knew to talk to the kid who smokes weed. Started smoking as much as possible. Started drinking and binging on adderall.
A pattern of smoke, get drunk, Adderall to keep going and smoke again in the morning to help the hangover emerged. For about a year that was my life. All my college money was gone. I ended up in the hospital for a few days when one night coming home late I crashed head on totaling my car and was knocked out cold for several hours. I woke up in the hospital with a concussion and was severely dehydrated. Obviously stimulate related. So that was the wake up call.
I stopped everything. My surviving brother who had been in military training and subsequent deployment for nearly two years was finally back for good I thought. I actually had some one to keep me straight for a while. But in January he was told by his new guard unit that he is being deployed to Afghanistan. So now I am basically at square one again. Or worse if he gets killed.
I got some weed vodka and adderall last night and just got some Vicodin and something called gabapentin which I am not entirely sure what it is.
If you are still reading thank you and here is my question I am pretty much determined to use a combination of them all this entire week so I can just get through it. I don't know how else I can prevent just a full blown break down which I can't afford right now in my life. I know that for most of you guys here you have a lot worse story.
So is it worth it? Right now this seems like my only option. Just have the willpower to stop at the end I feel hopeless again like this is my only option.
So if anybody has a better idea I am willing to listen.
Here is my plan for the week
6am weed
10am Adderall and Vicodin
3pm weed
7pm drink
2am Vicodin and sleep
Repeat
Is that sustainable I have very little experience with Vicodin.
So any ideas? This is my plan I know it's not exactly healthy but no drug use is.
I am not sure if I would consider myself depressed but these past 4 years have been terrible personally having to deal with the loss of my brother who I was very close to. But then watching my parents have their grief cut them down. All my friends didn't know how to relate to me so they stopped trying. Moved schools found a friend who really understood what was going on in my life and he helped me out a lot. But then life gave me the finger and he was killed in a car accident .
So all the progress I felt I made was basically lost. I lost all motivation to live went from a 3.7 to about a 1.6 gpa. The only reason I didn't end my life was I didn't want my parents have to lose another child. With the 2 year anniversary of my brother dieing coming up I was thinking of anything I could do to escape reality. I ended up finding an old bottle of wisdom teeth medication.
Those pills were the first time i liked life since my brother died. I tried to find more pills when the bottle ran out. Those Pesky pill bottle always seem to do that. Being only 17 at this point I knew to talk to the kid who smokes weed. Started smoking as much as possible. Started drinking and binging on adderall.
A pattern of smoke, get drunk, Adderall to keep going and smoke again in the morning to help the hangover emerged. For about a year that was my life. All my college money was gone. I ended up in the hospital for a few days when one night coming home late I crashed head on totaling my car and was knocked out cold for several hours. I woke up in the hospital with a concussion and was severely dehydrated. Obviously stimulate related. So that was the wake up call.
I stopped everything. My surviving brother who had been in military training and subsequent deployment for nearly two years was finally back for good I thought. I actually had some one to keep me straight for a while. But in January he was told by his new guard unit that he is being deployed to Afghanistan. So now I am basically at square one again. Or worse if he gets killed.
I got some weed vodka and adderall last night and just got some Vicodin and something called gabapentin which I am not entirely sure what it is.
If you are still reading thank you and here is my question I am pretty much determined to use a combination of them all this entire week so I can just get through it. I don't know how else I can prevent just a full blown break down which I can't afford right now in my life. I know that for most of you guys here you have a lot worse story.
So is it worth it? Right now this seems like my only option. Just have the willpower to stop at the end I feel hopeless again like this is my only option.
So if anybody has a better idea I am willing to listen.
Here is my plan for the week
6am weed
10am Adderall and Vicodin
3pm weed
7pm drink
2am Vicodin and sleep
Repeat
Is that sustainable I have very little experience with Vicodin.
So any ideas? This is my plan I know it's not exactly healthy but no drug use is.
Last edited by a moderator:
