shadowman-x
Greenlighter
Written over the course of a few years. From ages 16-current, and i'm turning 20 on monday, so try not to be too harsh 
"Untitled, december 19, 2011"
from birth to death we seek direction
as though the leaves in the wind are all deep, in prayer
and shine with our hearts to find love's reflection
although seldom we realize it's always right there
inside a castle thought to be crumbled, after being broken, battered and humbled,
over every hill we've stumbled, back to home, all roads lead to rome, and so,
take a brush close your eyes and trust it, let it flow even if you're disgusted,
sweat and bleed and cry 'til you're all un-rusted and shine, like the light
at night from your eyes that helps you see in the blackness, we all know loving blindly takes practice
and sometimes we miss and fall, and wish we could trade it all for the memory of a kiss, a touch
or some words once said
or forever a place in your heart or your head, someone to remember, some time to cherish.
a connection to last until people perish, until we're all dead.
little do we know, so tangled in fear, that all that we seek is here. Unblemished. Untouched.
closed eyes and deep breath can help you so much. It can take you right back from the cloud to the ground
and remind you, inside you all love can be found, it's your actions that count, so don't look to the past.
love deeply right now, because nothing will last.
"4:45AM" Wednesday, february 16, 2011.
every twist in the rope, knots in your hair
or dreadlocks in your stomach
it's all just bones
memory dreams of hope, love and despair
your head won't stop running
it all grows old.
oh but we're bound to go our ways, and it's a shame you can't spare some change
turning grey before 25, young and old together
hollow face on the inside, growing mold from stormy weather
is that the childish shine of youth?
or senility rooting?
are the flowers going to bloom
or does this garden need some pruning?
"Fuck". January 30, 2011.
Well what can I say? it hurts me to write this, i wake up every day feeling cold dead and lifeless, spineleess, i have to reach inside my mind with a clenched fist and rip out the shit that I don't want to keep, unpleasent memories awake or asleep, the shit I choose to take makes me want to weep, but it seems that inside a part's obsolete, something's missing, a switch not connected, flip the breaker and make me corrected, GIVE IN, GIVE UP, ACCEPT IT, this is what you expected!
and I couldn't say I'm surprised that I'm feeling rejected, it seems that miscommunication and pain gets projected around my brain, so I inspect it, take it apart and feed it to my heart but that's no good, it feels sharp, like splinters of wood, what do I do? I know what I should, but without you it feels like cooking with mud, sick, fucked up, it's one or the other, do I feel numb or like killing a fucker?
Spilling my illness, do I really feel this? Angry like a baby without a goodnight, sitting still for too long makes me want to fight, snapped neck, broken jaw with a left and a right, CLEAR MY SIGHT, I'M NOT ALRIGHT, this noose of fear has my throat wrapped tight, the truth is near but I'm fucking blind, fighting a war on the inside, I feel fried, my vision is narrowing, just let myself die with acid and heroin, can't care again, it's too harrowing, draining and painful, stuck alone and shameful, get yourself a brainful of what I'm thinking, it comes and goes with the blur of the drinking, the one-man ship sinking, it's time to let go, to grow and watch the muddy waters flow green, I know what you mean and I know what you meant, fuck, I still love you, I MISS MY FRIEND, get over, get under, forget her, fuck her! Nope I can't feel it, can't mean it, I look at the moon and I want to scream it, I love you! I'm fucked! My ticket's expired, hope I can redeem it, get on a new train, open up to a new day, a sunrise with open eyes, open ears, no more fears, no more tears, songs to sing and the rain washes away all the pain, I feel nothing but peace, sweet warm release, it reminds me of when I kissed you.
Fuck, I miss you.
"Poem #6", November 22 2010.
Wordlessly wordlessly diving deep.
Bubbles pass by, pressure releases
swimming with the stars, dreaming with the fishes.
whirlpool, sand and silt, cloudy waters, bloody rivers, sharks are coming
hide your cuts, eyes wide shut, tensed up guts
Release! Free! Look at me! Flying on the wind, blown out of my tree, sand on a beach, just out of reach.
"Waving goodbye". November 22, 2010.
Smiling to the wind, turned
What goes around doesn't come back.
Just a dusty static ghost
echoing hello goodbye farewell
don't cry don't speak
don't sleep don't eat
til you see me again.
'til you see the whites of my lies.
til you cry yourself dry
empty bottle, empty eyes
Who's selling souls, and who's gonna buy?
don't just stand there, go join this great adventure
here's a needle, lighter and spoon
i'll see you again sometime real soon.
"Poem #4" November 13, 2010
Looking for you
frantic and wild
I feel like I'll die if i'm without your smile, your shining eyes
I feel like a child chasing fireflies.
but pausing to look at the moon in the night sky, I realize you're with me all the while
, untold and unspoken in worldly embrace, kissing tears of joy off my face
sitting together as we all run the race
together inherant in time and through space
our atoms dance, sing and play
and when I look at the sun
I know we are one
and i can happily say
I LOVE YOU
"Poem #3" October 28, 2010
Cold morning, awake I rise.
Wipe the fog from the mirror and the dew from my eyes.
Tossing and turning, all 'round the bed
in search of your ghost who danced in my head.
Will she fly off? Or love me and stay?I guess i'll find out at the end of the day.
But walking through rain, and mist with a smile
I find a nice tree, and sit for a while.
My ass is now wet, I'm full of regret, and I'm not really sure what i'm doing here yet.
Perhaps I should sing, or buy you a ring, I'm really a joker who thinks he's a king.
But I'd be quite keen, if you'd be my queen, and we could set out to make this grey world green.
"A wish for pandora" (written for my friend at the DMT-nexus.)
Glue holding you, a porcelain vase, truth be told it was late to the glaze
late to the shine that reflects all the pain, to protect the heart you ran to the brain
time now caught, the box infront, worn world's turned rough, death mocks to confront
and opened lid, to share what you found, or kept snakes inside where the heart would be bound, poison and sickness to flow wide and free, no cage for the rage, hurt and disease, it spilled through your eyes, the beauty unclear, the trees are alive but they're shaded with fear, cars buildings and cats, guns fearful of fact, eye to mistrust, so never turn your back.
Never turn your back.
Rough ride to cracked veins, age touching on the name, Pandora, the young womans ashes spell out the blame, the story of tired humans wearing their shame, the badge of their pride on the left arm, the same, the red band of jealousy murder and hate, whose blood drips down fingers that cannot relate, that choke through the throats of those much the same, perhaps different clothes, skin-color or race, religion or family, bi straight or gay, intolerance released on that fateful day, when the box did yet shine, and the eyes did yet play, for the youthful child had now knowledge of today, and when she opened that box the world learned of dismay, yet 'twas but for her eyes did the world change in that place, a split second to make a full about face.
And years, and dust, have dulled through the shine, the glowing young woman remains trapped inside, a star, a sun, so wise and so kind, humble, with love, for others and life, for cats and her husband, and the DMT pipe, the lessons to share and the laughter and light.
through the storm and the flame it's here that we find, with a grin most insane, trapped deep in the mind,
what she thought she had lost at the end of her rope:
the last thing in the box that she opened was hope.
And "Untitled"
Songbird, who cut off your wings? Did they put you in a cage and force you to sing?
It's a long way back to the trees, now.
And did the oil in the skies get stuck to your feathers, chem trails on the wind, your friends die with the weather?
Rats riddled with disease, now.
Did the guitar save your heart, when it rattled your bars?
singing wood ringing true of a place with no cars, no streetlights of orange to choke out the stars, no ringing alarms, cigarettes, cigars, bottles of JD broken, burning throats scarred, raspy voices grumbling that life is too hard, they've given it all up without much regards.
Did songs remind you? did chains and smog bind you? Did the light of the moon for the first time blind you? thunder and lightning, frightening, fry you?
And when you thought of dying, friends and family crying, the dirt and the worms, the coffin to burn, the flowers and mourners, ashes and urns, did you realize in the ground, rotten and rusty, with love on my mind i'd lie down beside you?
Yep, it's cheesy, depressing, romantic, bitter....it's poetry.
Hope you guys enjoy. Cheers!
"Untitled, december 19, 2011"
from birth to death we seek direction
as though the leaves in the wind are all deep, in prayer
and shine with our hearts to find love's reflection
although seldom we realize it's always right there
inside a castle thought to be crumbled, after being broken, battered and humbled,
over every hill we've stumbled, back to home, all roads lead to rome, and so,
take a brush close your eyes and trust it, let it flow even if you're disgusted,
sweat and bleed and cry 'til you're all un-rusted and shine, like the light
at night from your eyes that helps you see in the blackness, we all know loving blindly takes practice
and sometimes we miss and fall, and wish we could trade it all for the memory of a kiss, a touch
or some words once said
or forever a place in your heart or your head, someone to remember, some time to cherish.
a connection to last until people perish, until we're all dead.
little do we know, so tangled in fear, that all that we seek is here. Unblemished. Untouched.
closed eyes and deep breath can help you so much. It can take you right back from the cloud to the ground
and remind you, inside you all love can be found, it's your actions that count, so don't look to the past.
love deeply right now, because nothing will last.
"4:45AM" Wednesday, february 16, 2011.
every twist in the rope, knots in your hair
or dreadlocks in your stomach
it's all just bones
memory dreams of hope, love and despair
your head won't stop running
it all grows old.
oh but we're bound to go our ways, and it's a shame you can't spare some change
turning grey before 25, young and old together
hollow face on the inside, growing mold from stormy weather
is that the childish shine of youth?
or senility rooting?
are the flowers going to bloom
or does this garden need some pruning?
"Fuck". January 30, 2011.
Well what can I say? it hurts me to write this, i wake up every day feeling cold dead and lifeless, spineleess, i have to reach inside my mind with a clenched fist and rip out the shit that I don't want to keep, unpleasent memories awake or asleep, the shit I choose to take makes me want to weep, but it seems that inside a part's obsolete, something's missing, a switch not connected, flip the breaker and make me corrected, GIVE IN, GIVE UP, ACCEPT IT, this is what you expected!
and I couldn't say I'm surprised that I'm feeling rejected, it seems that miscommunication and pain gets projected around my brain, so I inspect it, take it apart and feed it to my heart but that's no good, it feels sharp, like splinters of wood, what do I do? I know what I should, but without you it feels like cooking with mud, sick, fucked up, it's one or the other, do I feel numb or like killing a fucker?
Spilling my illness, do I really feel this? Angry like a baby without a goodnight, sitting still for too long makes me want to fight, snapped neck, broken jaw with a left and a right, CLEAR MY SIGHT, I'M NOT ALRIGHT, this noose of fear has my throat wrapped tight, the truth is near but I'm fucking blind, fighting a war on the inside, I feel fried, my vision is narrowing, just let myself die with acid and heroin, can't care again, it's too harrowing, draining and painful, stuck alone and shameful, get yourself a brainful of what I'm thinking, it comes and goes with the blur of the drinking, the one-man ship sinking, it's time to let go, to grow and watch the muddy waters flow green, I know what you mean and I know what you meant, fuck, I still love you, I MISS MY FRIEND, get over, get under, forget her, fuck her! Nope I can't feel it, can't mean it, I look at the moon and I want to scream it, I love you! I'm fucked! My ticket's expired, hope I can redeem it, get on a new train, open up to a new day, a sunrise with open eyes, open ears, no more fears, no more tears, songs to sing and the rain washes away all the pain, I feel nothing but peace, sweet warm release, it reminds me of when I kissed you.
Fuck, I miss you.
"Poem #6", November 22 2010.
Wordlessly wordlessly diving deep.
Bubbles pass by, pressure releases
swimming with the stars, dreaming with the fishes.
whirlpool, sand and silt, cloudy waters, bloody rivers, sharks are coming
hide your cuts, eyes wide shut, tensed up guts
Release! Free! Look at me! Flying on the wind, blown out of my tree, sand on a beach, just out of reach.
"Waving goodbye". November 22, 2010.
Smiling to the wind, turned
What goes around doesn't come back.
Just a dusty static ghost
echoing hello goodbye farewell
don't cry don't speak
don't sleep don't eat
til you see me again.
'til you see the whites of my lies.
til you cry yourself dry
empty bottle, empty eyes
Who's selling souls, and who's gonna buy?
don't just stand there, go join this great adventure
here's a needle, lighter and spoon
i'll see you again sometime real soon.
"Poem #4" November 13, 2010
Looking for you
frantic and wild
I feel like I'll die if i'm without your smile, your shining eyes
I feel like a child chasing fireflies.
but pausing to look at the moon in the night sky, I realize you're with me all the while
, untold and unspoken in worldly embrace, kissing tears of joy off my face
sitting together as we all run the race
together inherant in time and through space
our atoms dance, sing and play
and when I look at the sun
I know we are one
and i can happily say
I LOVE YOU
"Poem #3" October 28, 2010
Cold morning, awake I rise.
Wipe the fog from the mirror and the dew from my eyes.
Tossing and turning, all 'round the bed
in search of your ghost who danced in my head.
Will she fly off? Or love me and stay?I guess i'll find out at the end of the day.
But walking through rain, and mist with a smile
I find a nice tree, and sit for a while.
My ass is now wet, I'm full of regret, and I'm not really sure what i'm doing here yet.
Perhaps I should sing, or buy you a ring, I'm really a joker who thinks he's a king.
But I'd be quite keen, if you'd be my queen, and we could set out to make this grey world green.
"A wish for pandora" (written for my friend at the DMT-nexus.)
Glue holding you, a porcelain vase, truth be told it was late to the glaze
late to the shine that reflects all the pain, to protect the heart you ran to the brain
time now caught, the box infront, worn world's turned rough, death mocks to confront
and opened lid, to share what you found, or kept snakes inside where the heart would be bound, poison and sickness to flow wide and free, no cage for the rage, hurt and disease, it spilled through your eyes, the beauty unclear, the trees are alive but they're shaded with fear, cars buildings and cats, guns fearful of fact, eye to mistrust, so never turn your back.
Never turn your back.
Rough ride to cracked veins, age touching on the name, Pandora, the young womans ashes spell out the blame, the story of tired humans wearing their shame, the badge of their pride on the left arm, the same, the red band of jealousy murder and hate, whose blood drips down fingers that cannot relate, that choke through the throats of those much the same, perhaps different clothes, skin-color or race, religion or family, bi straight or gay, intolerance released on that fateful day, when the box did yet shine, and the eyes did yet play, for the youthful child had now knowledge of today, and when she opened that box the world learned of dismay, yet 'twas but for her eyes did the world change in that place, a split second to make a full about face.
And years, and dust, have dulled through the shine, the glowing young woman remains trapped inside, a star, a sun, so wise and so kind, humble, with love, for others and life, for cats and her husband, and the DMT pipe, the lessons to share and the laughter and light.
through the storm and the flame it's here that we find, with a grin most insane, trapped deep in the mind,
what she thought she had lost at the end of her rope:
the last thing in the box that she opened was hope.
And "Untitled"
Songbird, who cut off your wings? Did they put you in a cage and force you to sing?
It's a long way back to the trees, now.
And did the oil in the skies get stuck to your feathers, chem trails on the wind, your friends die with the weather?
Rats riddled with disease, now.
Did the guitar save your heart, when it rattled your bars?
singing wood ringing true of a place with no cars, no streetlights of orange to choke out the stars, no ringing alarms, cigarettes, cigars, bottles of JD broken, burning throats scarred, raspy voices grumbling that life is too hard, they've given it all up without much regards.
Did songs remind you? did chains and smog bind you? Did the light of the moon for the first time blind you? thunder and lightning, frightening, fry you?
And when you thought of dying, friends and family crying, the dirt and the worms, the coffin to burn, the flowers and mourners, ashes and urns, did you realize in the ground, rotten and rusty, with love on my mind i'd lie down beside you?
Yep, it's cheesy, depressing, romantic, bitter....it's poetry.
Hope you guys enjoy. Cheers!
