Major killer depression going on. I've made some stupid mistakes with money and being way too generous, more than I can afford to be. It's all my fault though and I blame no one but myself. Everything is so damn complicated too. Last night I couldn't read or right without a magnifying glass. I can see fine far away, but trying to read semi small print, even with a light right there, wasn't working very well. The blurry/double vision started maybe 3 days ago and I wasn't under the influence of meth. I was hoping the little bits of meth I've done wasn't responsible for this, but my pupils weren't wide, they got narrow and adjusted to the light, but I just couldn't see to read w/o mag glass. The nurse that came to relieve me this morning let me try on 2 different pairs of reading glasses that are hers. I tried them on and problem solved. I could see fine to chart. Mom was very young when she started wearing glasses. Tony told me he was about 51, so I thought good, I got the Tarantino eye sight. I wondered when the day would come. Then my tooth got so fucking bad, it no longer felt like a blow torch, but simply could not tolerate any pressure whatsoever on it w/o major pain. I couldn't eat. I gave my breakfast to Aimee. Then I lost a piece out of the top molar and now it's starting to hurt. I don't even care about a few grey hairs and Aimee made me feel beautiful again by helping me to shop for clothes that make me look sexy at my new size, just like she is. That part was sweet. I've only done such tiny amounts of meth, and again I loved it, but I don't want anymore. Don and Aimee offered some heroin for the tooth pain, but I didn't want it. I only hope 2 fuck the dentist won't suspect what's been going on, I don't need discrimination. I'm trying to fix everything. The little bit of shit last night was theraputic in that for the first time since 2 years ago, Aimee showed me my physical beauty and that it didn't leave, and I can't get over the new look! The way she did my hair, clothes, hat, make up. We took new photos, some that actually hopefully look good this time. My body can't be put through more than a couple lines or shots of meth in one night only and not too frequently. That's fine, but didn't expect these changes with the diminished vision/and now I've got more major oral surgery in a few minutes.
