some days,

I would rather sit alone in my room shooting heroin all day. I mean I never done heroin but I am so close to hopelessness that this idea seems to be a legitimate one. I'm afraid that one day I might go through with it and I know after that there's probably no coming back.. Right now I am so lost. I have what I want and need infront of me and I can nearly grab ahold of it but I have yet to do so. All the chances to get better and I just let them all blow away. I guess knowing the fact I could easily end it all makes me feel at ease.

 

Self distruction is a seductive thought sometimes but it is the thought itself which is so romantically appealing not the realistic outcome. If a feeling/thought makes you at ease then that is good but just recognise that it is the underlying feeling/process which brings comfort not the superficiality of the process.