I would advice you to seek medical advice for that (possible) underlying mental health issue. Getting properly diagnosed and medicated has helped me to deal with my drug related issues too. Atleast here being diagnosed won't be even reported to social services unless one could really do harm to the kids.
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H&R Moderators: VerbalTruist
Some Benzo advise please for a recovering alcoholic
- Thread starter Clutchingatstraws
- Start date
Yes, you should absolutely seek advice on the mental health issue. I struggled for years to get clean and was only able to achieve sobriety by addressing the mental health issues that were driving me to use. Since I have gotten those under control, staying sober is no longer a struggle, and I was a hard alcoholic for 17 years, amongst other substances.
I don't understand why social services would be involved if you went inpatient. Did they get involved while you were in the ER after you OD'd and were hallucinating, as honestly, that would be a greater concern to them in my opinion.
I really think you need to stop all ancillary drugs and see a doctor as what you are doing now isn't working, and you do have small kids involved. I'm not trying to be harsh, but your post says you've been cutting down since Christmas, and then the ER incident, and it seems like you're adding additional substances that are potentially more dangerous. I think you need help, and I say that with the utmost respect. I've been where you're at, and wanted to do it on my own as well and I wasted a year and a half trying, and ironically had several trips to the ER myself. How much longer do you want your family to go through this with you, as it's hard on them and I know it's hard on you. How much more do you want your kids to witness?
If you keep going like this you risk social services getting involved and your wife leaving you (to protect the kids per social services) and taking the children with her. I really think your best course of action is to go inpatient for 28 days. You can work on the mental health issues there with no distractions, you will have doctors helping with withdrawal, and you will be able to dry out.
Again, I'm really not trying to be harsh. You have so much to lose and this disease is insidious. I want you to beat this!
I don't understand why social services would be involved if you went inpatient. Did they get involved while you were in the ER after you OD'd and were hallucinating, as honestly, that would be a greater concern to them in my opinion.
I really think you need to stop all ancillary drugs and see a doctor as what you are doing now isn't working, and you do have small kids involved. I'm not trying to be harsh, but your post says you've been cutting down since Christmas, and then the ER incident, and it seems like you're adding additional substances that are potentially more dangerous. I think you need help, and I say that with the utmost respect. I've been where you're at, and wanted to do it on my own as well and I wasted a year and a half trying, and ironically had several trips to the ER myself. How much longer do you want your family to go through this with you, as it's hard on them and I know it's hard on you. How much more do you want your kids to witness?
If you keep going like this you risk social services getting involved and your wife leaving you (to protect the kids per social services) and taking the children with her. I really think your best course of action is to go inpatient for 28 days. You can work on the mental health issues there with no distractions, you will have doctors helping with withdrawal, and you will be able to dry out.
Again, I'm really not trying to be harsh. You have so much to lose and this disease is insidious. I want you to beat this!
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Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Ok.
MrRoot and Moreaux, you have helped me to decide. I have an open invitation from a local mental health clinic to approach them after 90 days sobriety.
I'm was going to call them some weeks ago, when I was being successful at this, but I am now going to call them tomorrow, explain the recent success and relapse (might not give all the details during first contact), and see how it pans out.
I'll update, and I am a little ashamed to be a little ashamed that a label should be so bad for me. Maybe it's a guy thing or whatever, but I suppose it is best to know one way or another.
Thank you both.
The SS were mentioned by the EMT's at my home this time (my wife has of course told me this, I have no recollection), due to the fact the children were there, though they were oblivious to all this and safely tucked up in bed.
There is another slight history with the SS due to my wife's treatment by her midwife during her/ our first pregnancy and the way I handled that situation (not in a violent way, just made my views quite clear), but that is a story for another time perhaps.
There are many parts to this, but I think one of them is not wanting to be 'labeled', if you understand. However, if there is a problem I have and that has a label attached to it, then so be it, and if it helps me move forward all the better.
Thank you again.
MrRoot and Moreaux, you have helped me to decide. I have an open invitation from a local mental health clinic to approach them after 90 days sobriety.
I'm was going to call them some weeks ago, when I was being successful at this, but I am now going to call them tomorrow, explain the recent success and relapse (might not give all the details during first contact), and see how it pans out.
I'll update, and I am a little ashamed to be a little ashamed that a label should be so bad for me. Maybe it's a guy thing or whatever, but I suppose it is best to know one way or another.
Thank you both.
The SS were mentioned by the EMT's at my home this time (my wife has of course told me this, I have no recollection), due to the fact the children were there, though they were oblivious to all this and safely tucked up in bed.
There is another slight history with the SS due to my wife's treatment by her midwife during her/ our first pregnancy and the way I handled that situation (not in a violent way, just made my views quite clear), but that is a story for another time perhaps.
There are many parts to this, but I think one of them is not wanting to be 'labeled', if you understand. However, if there is a problem I have and that has a label attached to it, then so be it, and if it helps me move forward all the better.
Thank you again.
I didn't want the label either, and avoided it as long as I could, to the detriment of my health and a lot of unnecessary stress to my elderly parents. I thought it would hold me back in life, but it hasn't impeded anything I have wanted to do, including being contracted to write software for our military. It came up during my background check for a security clearance, and it was surprisingly a nonissue.
Getting healthy has to be your priority- once you do that life has a funny way of working itself out. Personally, I think seeking help for alcoholism is very brave. It take a very responsible and aware person to voluntarily undertake a task of this magnitude. I sincerely hope you are proud of yourself, because it's the best decision an alcoholic can make, and so very few do it because it's scary. I applaud you!
Getting healthy has to be your priority- once you do that life has a funny way of working itself out. Personally, I think seeking help for alcoholism is very brave. It take a very responsible and aware person to voluntarily undertake a task of this magnitude. I sincerely hope you are proud of yourself, because it's the best decision an alcoholic can make, and so very few do it because it's scary. I applaud you!
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
I'm not sure pride is a feeling I have right now. I did have, but it was fleeting and has yet to return.
I really must sleep, I just noticed our time difference.
I'll update soon.
Good night.
R.
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
And here I am again.
Ok, looked into the mental health people who I have the referral to and it appears testing to show you are not drinking is involved in their work, so going to wait for the alcohol taper to be complete before making direct contact, again this should be by Sunday as it is going well. Tonight I have 6 small cans ( 3 nights ago it was 10 x UK pint size cans, 568ml, today 6 x 500ml cans, so roughly halved in 3 days).
The Kratom is helping, still working on dosage and times but as I seem to get anxious roughly 4pm onwards (historically the time I would start drinking) I am using a gram of Kratom every 2 to 3 hours starting from about 3:30pm.
More than a gram makes me feel worse, but I seem to get around 1 to 2 hours of feeling fine if I stick to a gram.
Example being I could have drunk from 7pm tonight, but comfortably held off till 8:30pm.
Tomorrow will be 5 small cans, then to be honest I want to stop and just use the Kratom at dosages etc mentioned so far.
If I can do that for 1 week, I will call the mental health service.
If all goes well I will buy enough Kratom to last a month or two, then taper it off as it will be illegal here by that time anyway.
At that point I should be 1 to 2 months alcohol free and instead of doing it alone will be using the services of the mental health team and any other services they see fit, and this forum.
I took an online mental health questionnaire last night and was a little surprised to find that other then what would be expected for an alcoholic, my top reading was for suffering PTSD.
Now, that could mean not a damn thing, but it is fair to say some things have happened in my life over 20 years ago that still both me immensely today, so that is for the Mental Health team to look into in the hopefully not distant future.
Finally, on a personal note, at this moment in time I feel quite calm and perhaps a little confident. I was considering starting a blog somewhere, other than my ramblings here to you good people, but am rather undecided. Anyone have any experience in or a view on that?
Many thanks for reading.
R.
Ok, looked into the mental health people who I have the referral to and it appears testing to show you are not drinking is involved in their work, so going to wait for the alcohol taper to be complete before making direct contact, again this should be by Sunday as it is going well. Tonight I have 6 small cans ( 3 nights ago it was 10 x UK pint size cans, 568ml, today 6 x 500ml cans, so roughly halved in 3 days).
The Kratom is helping, still working on dosage and times but as I seem to get anxious roughly 4pm onwards (historically the time I would start drinking) I am using a gram of Kratom every 2 to 3 hours starting from about 3:30pm.
More than a gram makes me feel worse, but I seem to get around 1 to 2 hours of feeling fine if I stick to a gram.
Example being I could have drunk from 7pm tonight, but comfortably held off till 8:30pm.
Tomorrow will be 5 small cans, then to be honest I want to stop and just use the Kratom at dosages etc mentioned so far.
If I can do that for 1 week, I will call the mental health service.
If all goes well I will buy enough Kratom to last a month or two, then taper it off as it will be illegal here by that time anyway.
At that point I should be 1 to 2 months alcohol free and instead of doing it alone will be using the services of the mental health team and any other services they see fit, and this forum.
I took an online mental health questionnaire last night and was a little surprised to find that other then what would be expected for an alcoholic, my top reading was for suffering PTSD.
Now, that could mean not a damn thing, but it is fair to say some things have happened in my life over 20 years ago that still both me immensely today, so that is for the Mental Health team to look into in the hopefully not distant future.
Finally, on a personal note, at this moment in time I feel quite calm and perhaps a little confident. I was considering starting a blog somewhere, other than my ramblings here to you good people, but am rather undecided. Anyone have any experience in or a view on that?
Many thanks for reading.
R.
PriestTheyCalledHim
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 7, 2005
- Messages
- 14,714
Be extremely careful drinking while on the Kratom which is an opiate. You do not want to wind up with a substitute addiction, and stay far away from benzos as well. Say safe.
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Thank you.
At the point I now decide to drink, such as today 8:30pm, I stop using the Kratom until the following day around 3:30pm. I understand there is a danger of Kratom addiction but I am not using it for, or looking for, a high from it, just to remove the anxiety of alcohol withdrawals, which so far seems to be so good.
I do understand your concern Mr Priest, and I thank you for it, I hope to do things correctly this time.
Oh, and other than vitamins and my current supply of sleeping pills, no other drugs involved.
Thank you.
R.
Mental health services won't help you if you are actively drinking? I just have to ask as that doesn't make sense as drink is part of the problem. However, I am not very knowledgable with your medical system and the hoops you hve to jump, so please don't think I'm doubting your word. I did look into Vivitrol and they do have it in the UK for opiate addicts, however I saw nothing regarding Vivitrol for alcohol. I have my fingers crossed for you that it is an option. If it's not maybe you can get the pill version- naltrexone. Campral is also useful for alcoholism, apparently it supposed to "reset" you brain back to pre alcohol times and help with cravings. I tried it but I couldn't stop drinking so it didn't do anything for me, but it has helped other people. The only other alcohol med I know of is anstabuse, a form of aversion therapy, which is very hard on your liver. It blocks the metabolism of alcohol and keeps it from breaking down past acetlyaldehyde, which makes you sick. In my experience, you can drink quite a bit on it before sickness sets in, or I could. I had a 12 pack and then stopped breathing from it. The paramedics had to administer cpr and I almost died. It was touch and go at the hospital. I do not recommend anstabuse under any circumstances.
Regarding kratom - I used it to help with withdrawal back in 2010 and it worked tremendously. I am concerned about you doing both in one day - drink and kratom. Again, I have to declare ignorance, but I know I have had some horrible reactions with booze and opiates, thinking I spaced them out enough. I'm not talking about OD or anything, just extreme mood swings. Please be careful and if you are having your drink for the evening, take it slow so if you start having a reaction you can recognize it. I believe my combination was Percocet and champagne - not the same thing but still opiates and booze.
Priestheycalledhim is absolutely correct with the recommendation to moderate your kratom use as it is addictive, and you don't want to transfer addictions. I have been addicted to many other drugs in my pursuit to quit booze, and that's no fun either. I'm not sure what type of alcohol withdrawal you get, but if you can stop cold turkey at times then I will say withdrawal from opiates and/or benzos is nothing you want to experience. Either one will introduce you to levels of pain you didn't think the human body could endure, and PAWS for both is pretty excruciating as well.
PTSD has driven many an addiction, but fortunately it is something that is very treatable. Not trying to make light because it is a serious condition, but consider yourself fortunate if that is the underlying issue. Therapy works wonders for it, particularly Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It will take work and time, but it is something you can eventually manage.
Please do keep us updated and let us know if there is anything we can do. Good luck!
Regarding kratom - I used it to help with withdrawal back in 2010 and it worked tremendously. I am concerned about you doing both in one day - drink and kratom. Again, I have to declare ignorance, but I know I have had some horrible reactions with booze and opiates, thinking I spaced them out enough. I'm not talking about OD or anything, just extreme mood swings. Please be careful and if you are having your drink for the evening, take it slow so if you start having a reaction you can recognize it. I believe my combination was Percocet and champagne - not the same thing but still opiates and booze.
Priestheycalledhim is absolutely correct with the recommendation to moderate your kratom use as it is addictive, and you don't want to transfer addictions. I have been addicted to many other drugs in my pursuit to quit booze, and that's no fun either. I'm not sure what type of alcohol withdrawal you get, but if you can stop cold turkey at times then I will say withdrawal from opiates and/or benzos is nothing you want to experience. Either one will introduce you to levels of pain you didn't think the human body could endure, and PAWS for both is pretty excruciating as well.
PTSD has driven many an addiction, but fortunately it is something that is very treatable. Not trying to make light because it is a serious condition, but consider yourself fortunate if that is the underlying issue. Therapy works wonders for it, particularly Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. It will take work and time, but it is something you can eventually manage.
Please do keep us updated and let us know if there is anything we can do. Good luck!
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Thank you.
Campral if I recall is the one that removes the 'want' to drink, it did not work for me when used (within the last 2 years) and Naltrexone is the other one, which reduces the effects of the drink.
I would appear to have made a mistake regarding Vivitrol, here it's brand name would be the Naltrexone (?) and yes, for myself it was only offered as pill form but only with a choice between the two (Campral OR Naltrexone) and I chose the Campral (you could taper your drinking whilst using the drug for 2 weeks, then had to quit the booze, a bit like champix for people wanting to quit smoking), so because I could still drink for 2 weeks whilst on it, that is what I chose.
It's strange here, I could walk into an alcohol clinic tomorrow and request the Naltrexone, but it would be weeks of proving you are completely off the booze before it would be offered to you (I might be wrong on that, but it is over the last 12 - 24 months I have been upping my game in quitting the booze, so I think I am correct).
I agree it is mad how mental health people, or the only one in my area anyway, insist on sobriety (for 90 days no less) before they will step in and you are correct, alcohol is part of the problem, so yes, it is mad (and frustrating).
Like yourself, I drank through Antabuse. The sickness passed, the drinking continued, but that was roughly a decade ago or more I tried that.
I'm seeing the mood swings already with the Kratom but not as how you are explaining it, for me so far it is a positive. On the upside I am in a good mood for some of the time, where as without it and trying to stop I would be in a foul mood all of the time. I'm being as careful as I can be with it and hope the drinking stops in the next 48 hours anyway.
Regarding the alcohol withdrawals I get, I've only been through it once (christmas gone, 5 day stay) with no ill effects, but I do know repeated withdrawals increase the chances of seizures etc.
You people are a mine of information and it is good to discuss what I think I know with what you people have experience and knowledge of.
I'll keep updating, but it is midnight here now so time to move on (still got one beer left, so drinking much slower right now also).
I opened a thread regarding Kratom and alcohol, it's in the homeless section, hope I got that right.
Thanks again people.
R.
Campral if I recall is the one that removes the 'want' to drink, it did not work for me when used (within the last 2 years) and Naltrexone is the other one, which reduces the effects of the drink.
I would appear to have made a mistake regarding Vivitrol, here it's brand name would be the Naltrexone (?) and yes, for myself it was only offered as pill form but only with a choice between the two (Campral OR Naltrexone) and I chose the Campral (you could taper your drinking whilst using the drug for 2 weeks, then had to quit the booze, a bit like champix for people wanting to quit smoking), so because I could still drink for 2 weeks whilst on it, that is what I chose.
It's strange here, I could walk into an alcohol clinic tomorrow and request the Naltrexone, but it would be weeks of proving you are completely off the booze before it would be offered to you (I might be wrong on that, but it is over the last 12 - 24 months I have been upping my game in quitting the booze, so I think I am correct).
I agree it is mad how mental health people, or the only one in my area anyway, insist on sobriety (for 90 days no less) before they will step in and you are correct, alcohol is part of the problem, so yes, it is mad (and frustrating).
Like yourself, I drank through Antabuse. The sickness passed, the drinking continued, but that was roughly a decade ago or more I tried that.
I'm seeing the mood swings already with the Kratom but not as how you are explaining it, for me so far it is a positive. On the upside I am in a good mood for some of the time, where as without it and trying to stop I would be in a foul mood all of the time. I'm being as careful as I can be with it and hope the drinking stops in the next 48 hours anyway.
Regarding the alcohol withdrawals I get, I've only been through it once (christmas gone, 5 day stay) with no ill effects, but I do know repeated withdrawals increase the chances of seizures etc.
You people are a mine of information and it is good to discuss what I think I know with what you people have experience and knowledge of.
I'll keep updating, but it is midnight here now so time to move on (still got one beer left, so drinking much slower right now also).
I opened a thread regarding Kratom and alcohol, it's in the homeless section, hope I got that right.
Thanks again people.
R.
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Good evening.
Ok, last day of my alcohol taper today, got my five little cans and held back starting my drinking till 9pm.
On the way to the off licence I had a little fight in my head...
''Go on, it's the last day, go out on a blast, get 10 pints or what not'', ''No, get the 5 you said R, if you get more you will feel worse tomorrow and just drink again'', ''but come on, it's just one night'', ''Yeah, sure R, it's always one f****** night, then another, another, get the 5 only, you know you have to do this...''.
By the time I had walked there, I had decided on the five and here I am.
I got them at 7pm as well, and actually felt ok holding on till 9pm to open one.
I know some of you are thinking the Kratom is a bad idea, but I was up at 10am today having had my second night in a row of very good sleep, was very rested.
Was fine till 2:30pm and took my first gram, 4:30 my second, 6:30 my last and all in all, I feel I could have not drunk tonight, tomorrow is the same plan but instead of the drinking it will be gram number 4 at 8:30pm and fifth and final gram at 10:30pm, followed by food, followed by sleep.
My first gram was a preemptive one knowing how I would be feeling soon after, and yes there were niggles of wanting to drink all the way till 9pm, but it most certainly takes the edge off.
I hope tomorrow goes well for me, though I am a little worried about the following day after a night without any alcohol, but as I have stated before I have recently done about 100 or so days without drink, so maybe I am worrying needlessly..
I hope no one minds but I will try to come here daily for a while, maybe use this as my way of keeping a written record of my feelings and how the Krat is working for me, easier to follow if it gets out of hand if I write it down, but I don't think it will be a problem.
So, nothing exciting to report really.
Hope you are all well.
R.
Ok, last day of my alcohol taper today, got my five little cans and held back starting my drinking till 9pm.
On the way to the off licence I had a little fight in my head...
''Go on, it's the last day, go out on a blast, get 10 pints or what not'', ''No, get the 5 you said R, if you get more you will feel worse tomorrow and just drink again'', ''but come on, it's just one night'', ''Yeah, sure R, it's always one f****** night, then another, another, get the 5 only, you know you have to do this...''.
By the time I had walked there, I had decided on the five and here I am.
I got them at 7pm as well, and actually felt ok holding on till 9pm to open one.
I know some of you are thinking the Kratom is a bad idea, but I was up at 10am today having had my second night in a row of very good sleep, was very rested.
Was fine till 2:30pm and took my first gram, 4:30 my second, 6:30 my last and all in all, I feel I could have not drunk tonight, tomorrow is the same plan but instead of the drinking it will be gram number 4 at 8:30pm and fifth and final gram at 10:30pm, followed by food, followed by sleep.
My first gram was a preemptive one knowing how I would be feeling soon after, and yes there were niggles of wanting to drink all the way till 9pm, but it most certainly takes the edge off.
I hope tomorrow goes well for me, though I am a little worried about the following day after a night without any alcohol, but as I have stated before I have recently done about 100 or so days without drink, so maybe I am worrying needlessly..
I hope no one minds but I will try to come here daily for a while, maybe use this as my way of keeping a written record of my feelings and how the Krat is working for me, easier to follow if it gets out of hand if I write it down, but I don't think it will be a problem.
So, nothing exciting to report really.
Hope you are all well.
R.
Kudos on your self control - I wouldn't have been able to do that. Out of curiosity, why are you quitting tomorrow, why not decrease to three? I'm not judging, legitimate question. When I battled alcoholism I couldn't do a taper. I was an all or nothing drinker, and once I started there was no stopping until I passed out. The amounts you're at now wouldn't have gotten me a buzz, and I wouldn't have been able to stop. I'm just curious about your taper method, and going from 5 to 0 seems like a quick jump.
I don't think most people are against kratom, I think people just wanted to let you know it can be addictive, so be careful. Kratom helped me out tremendously in early recovery, and it reduced cravings. I never drank while taking it, so maybe the combination of having kratom earlier in the day helps with cravings when you can only have so many pints. Have you found that it does have an impact so you can be satisfied with less?
Again, good job on staying focused and sticking with your plan! If you go cold turkey tomorrow you may want to consider having some kava later in the evening around your drinking time, along with the kratom. Kava is surprisingly decent with anxiety, and the combination of the two may relax you and help you sleep later. Please keep us updated and stay strong!
I don't think most people are against kratom, I think people just wanted to let you know it can be addictive, so be careful. Kratom helped me out tremendously in early recovery, and it reduced cravings. I never drank while taking it, so maybe the combination of having kratom earlier in the day helps with cravings when you can only have so many pints. Have you found that it does have an impact so you can be satisfied with less?
Again, good job on staying focused and sticking with your plan! If you go cold turkey tomorrow you may want to consider having some kava later in the evening around your drinking time, along with the kratom. Kava is surprisingly decent with anxiety, and the combination of the two may relax you and help you sleep later. Please keep us updated and stay strong!
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Hi Moreaux.
I tapered down to like just 2 small beers a night via my last alcohol service, took about a year or so to get to that point, and as a drinker who treated alcohol like you did (drink to get drunk only), it was hard.
I'd sit here with my 2 little cans and drag them out for some 4 hours or more, wondering wtf am I doing this for!?
So, as my turnaround from 10/ 12 pints a day to now 4 pints has been quite quick, and the length of time I was drinking heavy has been so much shorter, and I have a small something that seems to help a little (that would be the Krat), I'm not wanting to put myself in that wtf position again and am biting the bullet at this stage.
Very valid question and I hope I'm making the right choice. We will see...
The Krat has helped me start drinking later, has helped me feel less edgy, anxious and depressed.
I think it has made me happier with less, but it's not a road of discovery I am comfortable with taking any further as I don't want to become used to having the two together. Did that with weed and beer and that did not end well, as you can imagine.
It appears you are some six years dry? Ff I am correct in that you have my every respect and regardless I look forward to sharing my future story with you.
Till tomorrow.
Good night.
R.
I tapered down to like just 2 small beers a night via my last alcohol service, took about a year or so to get to that point, and as a drinker who treated alcohol like you did (drink to get drunk only), it was hard.
I'd sit here with my 2 little cans and drag them out for some 4 hours or more, wondering wtf am I doing this for!?
So, as my turnaround from 10/ 12 pints a day to now 4 pints has been quite quick, and the length of time I was drinking heavy has been so much shorter, and I have a small something that seems to help a little (that would be the Krat), I'm not wanting to put myself in that wtf position again and am biting the bullet at this stage.
Very valid question and I hope I'm making the right choice. We will see...
The Krat has helped me start drinking later, has helped me feel less edgy, anxious and depressed.
I think it has made me happier with less, but it's not a road of discovery I am comfortable with taking any further as I don't want to become used to having the two together. Did that with weed and beer and that did not end well, as you can imagine.
It appears you are some six years dry? Ff I am correct in that you have my every respect and regardless I look forward to sharing my future story with you.
Till tomorrow.
Good night.
R.
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Right then.20 mins till the off license closes and I am alcohol free, as is the house.Found today quite easy, Kratom usage been 1g every 2 hours since about 2:30pm and I can still feel some mellow effect but nothing disturbing in anyway, 45 mins till next dose but I might skip it until just before I have my late evening meal before bed, if I have it at all.The reason I might skip it is 2 fold. Firstly the beer shop will be closed so if I want a drink or not makes no difference to me as I can't get one, and historically passing that point has always been a psychological thing for me. As in I could be wanting a drink all day, but when 10pm has gone the want just disappears as I know it is impossible. Weird but true.The second reason being I am concerned of tolerance/ addiction to it, so why take it if not needed?Something else I remembered last night as I was having my final drinking night is how negative I have always been about it. If I purchased 10 pints and took them home, as the first one ends and I reach for the next I think ''shit, only 9 left'. Wtf, and I would be the same until I either finished them all or it got to almost 10pm and I would run out for more, whether they were needed or not, most oftenly not.I have marked my calendar with '1' again, hope to mark tomorrow with a '2' and so forth. It's been 2 weeks since I last marked my calendar, so quite a blip for me but happy to put day one back on it.Not going to use the Krat tomorrow unless I really need to, see if I can do one with out it, see how I feel and how those around me react to how I feel.And that's all.R.
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Well, I'm a little earlier than usual posting, but day 2 is well underway.
I just walked to the shops with my daughter aged 7 as she NEEDED sweets, no idea where she gets that from but in fairness with have tapered her down to just twice a week now
I had no urge to buy alcohol, didn't even cross my mind, but I have used the Krat today as around 3ish I was getting agitated, so only 2 doses so far today at 3 and 5. I can see myself needing another around 8 to see me through till the shops close at 10 but all in all feeling quite good.
Ordered more Krat yesterday for arrival monday, will do a couple more small orders before the ban then just use as needed until it's gone. This is one method I've not used before so hoping for the best.
The weekend is going to be interesting as I do tend to get a little frustrated when the children are here for the whole day, but if I manage to keep everyone happy it shouldn't be so bad.
So, not much else going on, I'm going to do a bit of reading up on Kava and such and probably have an early night, as the Krat does make me sleepy, which I don't mind.
Hope everyone is well.
R.
I just walked to the shops with my daughter aged 7 as she NEEDED sweets, no idea where she gets that from but in fairness with have tapered her down to just twice a week now
I had no urge to buy alcohol, didn't even cross my mind, but I have used the Krat today as around 3ish I was getting agitated, so only 2 doses so far today at 3 and 5. I can see myself needing another around 8 to see me through till the shops close at 10 but all in all feeling quite good.
Ordered more Krat yesterday for arrival monday, will do a couple more small orders before the ban then just use as needed until it's gone. This is one method I've not used before so hoping for the best.
The weekend is going to be interesting as I do tend to get a little frustrated when the children are here for the whole day, but if I manage to keep everyone happy it shouldn't be so bad.
So, not much else going on, I'm going to do a bit of reading up on Kava and such and probably have an early night, as the Krat does make me sleepy, which I don't mind.
Hope everyone is well.
R.
That's fantastic news! Great job! The next time you take your daughter to get sweets, get some for yourself. Sweets help to keep cravings at bay. Every time I used to quit drinking I would go on an absolute sugar binge for the first month, and then slowly ween off. I would have six or seven candy bars consecutively before going to bed. Alcohol is high in sugar, and being a heavy drinker your body is used to high amounts of sugar. For me, I get sugar cravings at night. I used to drink primarily in the evenings, so I'm not surprised that's when I want sugar.
As for kratom, you may want to order more than you think you'll need just to be safe. In my opinion, kratom is a lot easier to stop than alcohol, and really helps to get off of alcohol. I'm saying this since you said it will be banned soon. I still think you should also try to get some naltrexone, either pills or shot to keep on hand too. It's really good with anxiety and cravings.
I singled to hear you're doing well! Keep up the good work. It gets easier as more time goes by.
As for kratom, you may want to order more than you think you'll need just to be safe. In my opinion, kratom is a lot easier to stop than alcohol, and really helps to get off of alcohol. I'm saying this since you said it will be banned soon. I still think you should also try to get some naltrexone, either pills or shot to keep on hand too. It's really good with anxiety and cravings.
I singled to hear you're doing well! Keep up the good work. It gets easier as more time goes by.
Jabberwocky
Frumious Bandersnatch
I just have to say, I give you sooooo much credit for what you are doing OP. Being a junkie myself when it comes to nicotine, stims, psychs and (my beloved) opioids, I still cannot fathom what going through benzo or alcohol dependence/addiction/withdrawal is like. I mean, recovery is such a beautiful process, and once you struggle as we have you kinda know the score across the board. Still, please make sure you pat yourself on the back and give yourself lots ofcredit for what you are doing. It is rather amazing you know.
Much love and respect
Much love and respect
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SunSpot
Bluelighter
@ straws your doing the right thing, i wish you all the best! Have you figured out what your alc trigger(s) are? Mine was caffeine, once i quit that i had zero cravings anymore for ethanol.
As for the kratom, be very very careful with that. I did that for a year and then got really into pod and seed tea. Just don't do it!
I've found it incredibly helpful to find out what my triggers are, and then avoid them. Forgive yourself if you have a lapse and try to associate it with something painful. When i stopped drinking for good i had one lapse after a few months (drank a large coffee and couldn't resist a few hrs later). Feeling buzzed and very disgusted with myself i then cleaned my drains which were draining slow. The smell was awful, and i didn't wear gloves. Finally i did taxes, and the experience seemed to have an effect on my subconscious: even with the occasional small coffee there are no more urges.
So whatever you do be wary of substitute addictions. Keep yourself busy, forced yourself to be social. You'll find that if you put yourself in the right places, meet the right people, things will just click. At least i hope; )
As for the kratom, be very very careful with that. I did that for a year and then got really into pod and seed tea. Just don't do it!
I've found it incredibly helpful to find out what my triggers are, and then avoid them. Forgive yourself if you have a lapse and try to associate it with something painful. When i stopped drinking for good i had one lapse after a few months (drank a large coffee and couldn't resist a few hrs later). Feeling buzzed and very disgusted with myself i then cleaned my drains which were draining slow. The smell was awful, and i didn't wear gloves. Finally i did taxes, and the experience seemed to have an effect on my subconscious: even with the occasional small coffee there are no more urges.
So whatever you do be wary of substitute addictions. Keep yourself busy, forced yourself to be social. You'll find that if you put yourself in the right places, meet the right people, things will just click. At least i hope; )
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Well, what a day.
Firstly thank you toothpastedog for your kind words. In my 30's I had a 12 month habit with injecting amphetamines, cured that quite simply by moving onto a 2 year crack habit, all the time still drinking and it was a low point in my life as I was homeless, sleeping on couches sometimes taken in by family, but with the drugs I couldn't stay with family so slept in a few empty shops and what not. Not happy times so I moved to a city where I had no connections and rebuilt my life, from a hostel to meeting my then future wife, to now having a family.
People say how could you kick that habit but not the booze? Simple answer is booze is everywhere, same as fags which I also couldn't give up. I now vape, so guess I cheated on that one a little.
I'm not working right now Moreaux so money is tight but what would have gone on booze is going on getting in the Krat supplies, but I'm still limited as to volume I can purchase. When that becomes unavailable to me I'll start a supply of the other stuff mentioned in my other thread and mix them up a bit to keep away from a new addiction.
Had an extra kid here all day as daughters friend visited, so stress levels through the roof, but still stuck to my 2 hourly grams and watered the garden about 3 times just to relax myself, not been an easy day but it is completed.
I think I will pick up a load of chocolate tomorrow after church, and I'm keeping my carbs going as well. I'll worry about the weight when I no longer have to worry about this so much.
Thanks for listening.
R.
Firstly thank you toothpastedog for your kind words. In my 30's I had a 12 month habit with injecting amphetamines, cured that quite simply by moving onto a 2 year crack habit, all the time still drinking and it was a low point in my life as I was homeless, sleeping on couches sometimes taken in by family, but with the drugs I couldn't stay with family so slept in a few empty shops and what not. Not happy times so I moved to a city where I had no connections and rebuilt my life, from a hostel to meeting my then future wife, to now having a family.
People say how could you kick that habit but not the booze? Simple answer is booze is everywhere, same as fags which I also couldn't give up. I now vape, so guess I cheated on that one a little.
I'm not working right now Moreaux so money is tight but what would have gone on booze is going on getting in the Krat supplies, but I'm still limited as to volume I can purchase. When that becomes unavailable to me I'll start a supply of the other stuff mentioned in my other thread and mix them up a bit to keep away from a new addiction.
Had an extra kid here all day as daughters friend visited, so stress levels through the roof, but still stuck to my 2 hourly grams and watered the garden about 3 times just to relax myself, not been an easy day but it is completed.
I think I will pick up a load of chocolate tomorrow after church, and I'm keeping my carbs going as well. I'll worry about the weight when I no longer have to worry about this so much.
Thanks for listening.
R.
Clutchingatstraws
Bluelighter
Thanks SunSpot, your comment appeared whilst I was writing my last one. I hands on heart don't think there are trigger unless perhaps stress and depression, all of which I relate to my alcohol use anyway, so vicious circle I need to break.
I think the garden is going to be well watered this year and I'm thinking of getting back into reading, something I love but have not done for years, I can lose hours in a good book.
Thanks for your advise.
I think the garden is going to be well watered this year and I'm thinking of getting back into reading, something I love but have not done for years, I can lose hours in a good book.
Thanks for your advise.