soliloquy of damage

[pennywise]

it's been five days since i wrote you a poem.
you're gone.
it's hard to eat, to sleep.
tomorrow, i will be driving to your mothers house
to drop off the rest of your things.
there are tiny flowers on top of your things in the footlocker.

we named our children, who will now never be born.
jake, and ella.
we had a house.
we never got around to planting those flowers.

i feel numb all the time.
sometimes it feels like i need to vomit, and i dont know why.

tomorrow i will tell your mother:
tell her i love her
tell her i miss her
tell her goodbye.

i wrote you a poem 5 days ago
because i needed you to know how i felt
because i knew the end was coming
but somehow
still
i cant believe it

and the only thing that i can do now
is what i have always done

pick up the pieces.

i have done that more times than i like to think about.

but i'll do it again.

because you will not kill me.

the city couldnt kill me.
the prison cell couldnt kill me.
the twisted metal, the cold, the night
couldnt kill me.
the needle couldnt kill me.

and your lies
and your manipulation
and your betrayal
they will not kill me either.

they will not.

 

[(Wordy)]

This is so powerful, and I can relate to most of it.

Some searing lines:

we named our children, who will now never be born.
jake, and ella.
we had a house.
we never got around to planting those flowers.

and the only thing that i can do now
is what i have always done

pick up the pieces.

the city couldnt kill me.
the prison cell couldnt kill me.
the twisted metal, the cold, the night
couldnt kill me.
the needle couldnt kill me.

Amazing stuff!