this week i have been trying to expand my circle of friends by hanging out with some new people... we went pumpkin carving and then trivia night with some people vgoraz knew from OH. but it ended up that the one dude ended up recognizing me from a bar i used to hang out at, and another guy graduated from my high school two years before me. it made me feel weird because i got all worried that they would hold my previous actions against me (whatever those would be). and i was worried that i didn't act properly or did something weird or something wrong.
then tonight i invited some coworkers over to celebrate me leaving my job. which is somewhat convoluted logic, but actually makes sense in this situation. but i spent the better part of the night worrying if i was doing everything correctly. then i said the word bottle funny (i say boTTle, with am emphasis on the T) and they started cracking up. i am pretty sure it was all in fun, but it made me feel super awkward.
i am not amused with these feelings. for a long time these sort of interactions were getting easier for me and less odd. but it seems like i am going backwards and struggling more with being social. but if i am not hanging out with people, i begin to feel depressed and worthless. wtf is going on in my head?
then tonight i invited some coworkers over to celebrate me leaving my job. which is somewhat convoluted logic, but actually makes sense in this situation. but i spent the better part of the night worrying if i was doing everything correctly. then i said the word bottle funny (i say boTTle, with am emphasis on the T) and they started cracking up. i am pretty sure it was all in fun, but it made me feel super awkward.
i am not amused with these feelings. for a long time these sort of interactions were getting easier for me and less odd. but it seems like i am going backwards and struggling more with being social. but if i am not hanging out with people, i begin to feel depressed and worthless. wtf is going on in my head?
