Venting Social isolation and no access to drugs

[mentholmigraine]

I'm well aware that having access to drugs is not "cool" in any way shape or form yadda yadda, but something about having no real friends or connections to other people (because there are people out there, I just don't trust any of them anymore) really hinders my confidence sometimes. It of course limits my exposure to drug culture in general. I think I'm young still but feel like some sort of late bloomer. I dropped out and my social life has never been so utterly dead. Sometimes the possibility of getting drugs is the main driving force behind the socializing I do partake in, which is very shallow, but I don't know how to trust that people are really my friends or that they're being truthful with me. I've started to break that pattern and just talk to people because I can, but the constant nagging thought of being betrayed or lied to is making it difficult. I wanted to vent mostly because there's no one in my life whom I could tell "I wish I had started doing coke at the ripe age of 17!!!!! and years later I still want it" without them thinking I've fully lost it or becoming distant...wonder why

PD: There are no test strips/ drug testing agencies where I live, internet marketplaces are NOT a good option. I figure that would just give me a nitazine OD tbh

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Socialization and trust is a dilemma everyone faces especially if actions are considered harmful and beyond the boundaries of social acceptance. AKA criminal activities, drugs etc. First of all humans are social creatures so cutting yourself off from the social group or organization you were a part of makes you feel like an outsider rather than a member. The so-grouping of society provides protection, interaction and safety and share common interests.

Friends are important and it may come time when you're going to have put yourself out there again. Take a chance on someone who might turn out to be exactly the person you need. Everyone is basically the same as far human DNA . We are all flawed and imperfect but we all in some form or another need each other to survive.