Sobriety feels like a nightmare

All the detoxes I´ve put myself through all these years have taught me a very simple principle ,if anything: It´s NEVER half as bad as you imagine.
What keeps you from attempting a detox is "Fear " ...this crippling, irrational Fear of change, some sort of self sabotage even .
AMP says it´s "a waiting game ", and indeed it is -you will always come to the point of :"What the Hell was I thinking of all those years ? " after a few weeks/months of having quit your DOC .
There´s planned withdrawals I´ve put myself through where I just took a leap of faith and changed everything about my life ,the junk routine.
I changed environment , basically went to work/live abroad , the people I found there had nothing to do with Heroin/drug culture in general ( the odd joint ,if that ), also the uncertainty of the situation , as a whole , which will keep your mind busy, distracted from what was your yesterday´s routine .
Those of you who have never done this would be surprised at what takes place once you do sth as radical as that ...you will be in awe at how fast you heal ...a week without sleep, working in an environment where nothing reminds you of your DOC -an environment where you must hide your physical discomfort, no one there ,familiar enough ,to hear your delusional moaning, no facilitators of any kind .
You´d basically be surprised at how fast you heal from any type of ...at least Heroin/Cocaine addiction .Uppers never truly had such strong pull on me -only when addicted to speedballing, but even then I quickly realized that the Brown was the main source of affliction.
As I said earlier on ,it is preferable ,and easier perhaps if you have points of reference, before you turned into an addict, points where you were extremely fulfilled, happy without any substance abuse issue .
Without a "lighthouse " you´re lost at sea ( getting pretty poetic all of a sudden 😂.). And once you return to that pre addict state . I have no words for the reward one experiences once free from a (turned )self destructive, stale routine such as Heroin _________ (insert DOC ) addiction.
I’m also in the process of trying to live and work abroad now for the exact same reasons you mentioned. If I can manage financially I think it will be the best decision I’ve made.
 
I’m also in the process of trying to live and work abroad now for the exact same reasons you mentioned. If I can manage financially I think it will be the best decision I’ve made.
So by abroad I am assuming you mean a different country? That’s really cool. I am sure that will really help. A change of atmosphere is both fun and exciting. What country are you looking at?
 
So by abroad I am assuming you mean a different country? That’s really cool. I am sure that will really help. A change of atmosphere is both fun and exciting. What country are you looking at?
I’m in Oaxaca, Mexico currently. It seems like a good choice so far, but I will need to come up with a solid plan for finances soon. Probably teaching English or doing hostel work for the time being.

I am still dealing with some trauma related to my own mother drugging me with haldol a little over a month ago, there’s a separate thread on that. If that hadn’t happened I would be farther along by now.
 
If drugs help you with mental issues, naturally sobriety would be a nightmare on the down bad scale.
If all you´ve ever known was "Disease ", "Trauma ", "Negativity " in general ... sure, take meds to alleviate such innate/ irreversible symptoms. The opposite being having ever felt like a normal Human -leading a Healthy, functional, natural reward system -as you achieve your goals type of existence ( this last one, " natural reward system preservation " ,is of extreme importance cause addiction , at its extreme, will take over 100%, leaving you with the sole goal of seeking unnatural reward 24/7 ).
In sum ,if you have ever felt "normal " as described above ( having goals, achieve them, facing life´s challanges -failure too , struggle to overcome the latter ...all without "bandages " to mask the pain of growth ) , there is no way you can ever say that " Sobriety is a nightmare" ( unless we´re talking a transitory state, of course ) .
Just an opinion as I wait for the Subutex to melt ,know what I mean ?
 
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