sobering up after relapse

[Mafioso]

So I fell for it again. I had a little binge of xanax and morphine... nice while it lasted but I'm not in the best shape now. I didn't get as bad this time because I had a job working out of town so when I would leave I would make sure to only take enough for a small dose at night to help me sleep. Weekends were are different story. I started taking so much over the weekend that I would be missing or showing up late for work(which didn't really seem to bother the boss because I am, in his words, one of his harderst workers) but I eventually resigned/quit giving the reason I needed to be closer to home, which isn't not entirely true. I don't want to get into all that though.

I don't think I got physically dependent until the very end(1-2week binge after I quit) because even still when I'm not on them I don't feel severe coldsweats, constipation, panic attacks, hallucinations, I can sleep(about all I can do) but I have no desire to socialize what so ever and I have been not seriously toying with the idea of suicide. I hate to say it but it seems like the simple, albeit selfish, but at least it would ease all of my pain and end all of my worries.

Really, though I can't go into seizure again. Things would not be good if that happened. I wasn't taking large doses of xanax most the time but ya there were a few times I was taking whole bars. Of cousrse last time I was taking 3-4 at a time.. so idk. not sure what to do. feeling very low though.

 

[herbavore]

Mafioso

You don't need to die to solve this. You just need to see where you are (down) and explore it a bit further. You have some pain, maybe really deep pain, maybe not so deep, just ingrained thinking and bad repeating habits; you take the drugs to alleviate the pain and end up with more pain. Then you feel horrible for succumbing to the pattern again. So the place to stop and explore is this: what could you throw in the pattern to disrupt it?

 

[Erikmen]

^ Indeed.

It happens Mafioso. It's part of the package, move on and start over. Don't beat yourself up for this, instead try to recognize the signs, what triggers your cravings and make you go down. What you can do about it. Don't give up!

 

[dmtmixalis]

It happens to the best of us. Chin up! Binging benzos is known to trigger depression, so focus on the fact it's just a temporary chemical in balance which is making you feel low. You haven't been taking them long so you shouldn't be in seizure territory, $till it's best to do a taper to make sure.
Sending all my positive vibes through the cosmic wave of the internet

 

[dognasher]

I agree with all these guys. I relapsed four or five times before finally getting sober and knowing that I won't go back to it. I beat myself up really badly as well. But you aren't a BAD person because you relapsed. You have an addiction to opiates, which is one of the hardest things on this planet to pull yourself out of. I am also a heroin addict, and this has been the hardest journey I have ever been on. Like the poster above said, this is all part of the package, and you have another chance as long as you have life in your body.

Pick up, start over, don't look back!

Much luck to you!