engineercchad
Bluelighter
Some background: having been caught up in my own personal belief that I could implicitly trust medical professionals, I once had the whole DSM thrown at me and was medicated as such. SSRIs led to serotonin syndrome. Serotonin syndrome to benzo abuse. Benzo abuse to psychosis. Psychosis to.... polysubstance issues involving just about everything except what would need IV or IM administration, over the years.
I found myself under a semi during the morning rush on the interstate in October 2012 on my way for "chronic pain treatment" which I now see was unneeded (I deal with persistent neuropathic pain most likely due to the benzo use over the years these days dealt with by meditation, distraction and/or exercise). I got everything righted while providing full-time hospice and pallative care for my terminally ill grandmother (alz and inoperable brain tumor) while simultaneously detoxing from anxiety meds, anti-psychotic drugs, anti-seizure drugs, then stopped pain meds in every form, stopped everything.
I could never wrap my head around any of the programs, but it's good to see they work for some people. I tend to deal with mental chaos these days through filling my head with information to crunch on on topics ranging from metaphysics, math, spirituality, science, theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, mathematics, technological topics of all types, etc. etc. etc. (got back that old intellectualism
)
I have yet to return to the doctor with any trust, which I do not yet see as unreasonable just yet (my health has never been better). Every time I see one, they tend to find no real issues with a good, physical cause and just recommend I see a therapist (wait, I think that helped me start this 8( ).
I have eliminated most processed sugar, most processed foods, learned to cook (very well, at that), started my own electronics repair gig (cell phones, tabs, computers, televisions, etc.) to manage pain and to help keep the old noggin ticking with as little chaos as possible (additive allergies, perhaps?)
I guess my question is this: I have been unable to find meaningful work for a reliable paycheck to date! I had a three week pizza spot job, they cut me out of the schedule despite my learning the entire store in that period. I have obtained more higher education (2010 - AAS in CIS/Network Security -- before I was clean, now working on another AAS in Medical Office Admin).
I'm learning to cope in productive ways. Finally got to feeling right enough within myself to look at getting married and have a family (first child will be born in May) but... The money still is never right, but it is improving (only of my own accord, through my electronics work).
Does it get better?
Anyone here have a horrible time returning to gainfully employed status? I keep interviewing and filling out paperwork in everything I can think of in the time I'm not concentrating on my own business but, it's only netted about 4 pay stubs since I got clean.....
I found myself under a semi during the morning rush on the interstate in October 2012 on my way for "chronic pain treatment" which I now see was unneeded (I deal with persistent neuropathic pain most likely due to the benzo use over the years these days dealt with by meditation, distraction and/or exercise). I got everything righted while providing full-time hospice and pallative care for my terminally ill grandmother (alz and inoperable brain tumor) while simultaneously detoxing from anxiety meds, anti-psychotic drugs, anti-seizure drugs, then stopped pain meds in every form, stopped everything.
I could never wrap my head around any of the programs, but it's good to see they work for some people. I tend to deal with mental chaos these days through filling my head with information to crunch on on topics ranging from metaphysics, math, spirituality, science, theoretical physics, quantum mechanics, mathematics, technological topics of all types, etc. etc. etc. (got back that old intellectualism
)I have yet to return to the doctor with any trust, which I do not yet see as unreasonable just yet (my health has never been better). Every time I see one, they tend to find no real issues with a good, physical cause and just recommend I see a therapist (wait, I think that helped me start this 8( ).
I have eliminated most processed sugar, most processed foods, learned to cook (very well, at that), started my own electronics repair gig (cell phones, tabs, computers, televisions, etc.) to manage pain and to help keep the old noggin ticking with as little chaos as possible (additive allergies, perhaps?)
I guess my question is this: I have been unable to find meaningful work for a reliable paycheck to date! I had a three week pizza spot job, they cut me out of the schedule despite my learning the entire store in that period. I have obtained more higher education (2010 - AAS in CIS/Network Security -- before I was clean, now working on another AAS in Medical Office Admin).
I'm learning to cope in productive ways. Finally got to feeling right enough within myself to look at getting married and have a family (first child will be born in May) but... The money still is never right, but it is improving (only of my own accord, through my electronics work).
Does it get better?
Anyone here have a horrible time returning to gainfully employed status? I keep interviewing and filling out paperwork in everything I can think of in the time I'm not concentrating on my own business but, it's only netted about 4 pay stubs since I got clean.....
Given what's been happening, I've been fighting the urge to dismiss the pleasure of knowing a decent job may be lined up finally, seems like it may be just another false hope? 
It's really all there is to possibly count on at the moment, the electronics bit is suffering mainly due to "life on life's terms" (ie: the finances, for this second).