so tired

[fuckmymind]

I just found this website searching the internet after typing in the phrase "why can't I be sober". This looks like a promising result.

I'm a 20 year-old college student and I'm very interested in biomedical research and plan to peruse a PhD. Despite knowing what drugs do, both through experience with family members and scientifically. I continue to indulge my urges and keep using whatever I can to not be alone with my thoughts. I've smoked weed every day for about 4 years, I've done some other drugs as well but not recreation-ally, I drink as well more regularly. Especially now because I'm not at home and don't have access to weed so I'm drinking instead. So many family problems and my mom with her clinical depression don't make it any easier. I'm just tired of feeling this way, I'm tired of seeing my loved ones in pain. There's never anything I can do. And I'm tired of everything. I don't know what to do. Advice?

 

[DrGreenthumb]

Grow weed?

 

[fuckmymind]

I can't. I'm in a research program and i'm staying at a hotel. That would get me in a lot of trouble and I'll be back home before the buds would even grow. Besides that's not the point. I'm tired of being addicted to things but can't stop.

 

[P.o.T.u.S]

U need to be at peace with yourself if u are ever going to be happy in life and not need an escape..it will not get any easier if u keep stuffing down and numbing out all the feelings and emotions..it will start to manifest in other ways and then it will be harder to resolve the issues u have because they will become a part of u and not just a thought or feeling..try to laugh off the little things it will make life easier

smoking weed is helpful at first but after years of smoking some people develop problems that effect them after they stop smoking..i used weed for anxiety but after years of smoking i stopped and my anxiety was worse then ever and paranoia creeped into my life with some delusional thinking,it took a long time with the help of buddhism and mindfullness to resolve this problem.

Theres nothing we can tell u to get over your own feelings..its up to u to face your fear and accept what has happend and be okay with how it made you feel...u dont have to agree with what happend or how u feel but u have to accept that its happening and dont fight it..the more u have your own expectations with what will/shhould happen the more u allow suffering into Your live...when u can turn that voice in your head into your best friend instead of your worst enemy your life will become much easier..love all of yourself like u would love the girl of your dreams..