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So Scared

B

BananasAndOranges

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 25, 2010
Messages
1,982
I'm finally going to detox tomorrow. I've never been so happy/anxious in my life. I can't wait for all this to stop. I need help and I just hope the help I need is going to be there. Fuck me.
 
Good Luck Man.

Deciding to detox is a big deal. What are they going to detox you with? Its always nerve-racking going into one of those places.

peace.
seedless
 
Good luck BandO, I wish you the best of luck. It seems like you're making the right decisions and the pay off should be great. There's no reason you should have to go through life unhappy, so go out there and immerse yourself into the process because you only get out of it what you put in. So, as I said good luck and here's to a happy recovery.
 
Good for you!

I can certainly appreciate how anxious you are feeling; that is completely normal as you are on new path, trying to embark on a new life.

I've read a lot of your posts and about how depressed you have been. I will be honest and tell you that, at first, it is likely you will be anxious, more depressed, angry, experience cravings, and want to use. Please try to hold out. It honestly took me 4 months before I really felt "normal." That isn't to scare you, it is to tell you that even if it seems like your work has been in vain, keep pushing because you will get to the place you want to be if you don't give up.


You need to be just as stubborn about getting rid of your addiction as you were about feeding it :)
 
bagochina said:
Good Luck Man.

Deciding to detox is a big deal. What are they going to detox you with? Its always nerve-racking going into one of those places.

peace.
seedless
Click to expand...
No idea. I have so many issues. As far as I know benzos (3 years now of abuse and use), and opiates.
 
Good job on wanting to detox.

Detox isn't so bad. For me the worst part was the food, and by far. But i am pretty health conscious so being made to eat this absolute prison gruel was pretty taxing. I mean, it's rehab, they should be trying to make you healthy and comfortable right? But me being cheap went to a free detox, so that was the problem i am sure. For a little dough you could probably get a ocean view bedroom and prime rib. Funny that i would spend so much on drugs and then nothing on getting clean.


ANYWAY, enough about that absolutely non-consequential information. Detox is not bad. Usually they have the drugs and knowledge to make your transition as smooth as possible. I was coming off of methadone too so it was a heluvan addiction to beat. They gave me tramadol and some high powered sleeping pill and i really didn't feel too bad, i even slept through the night.

I'm not real keen on talking my reasons for drug use out with a bunch of boring junkies (interesting junkies i could talk to all day), so the group sessions and meals were by far my reasons for leaving detox early. I never went back to using though. I walked out of detox and said i will get on suboxone and taper myself and eat what i want. They gave me an earful about how anyone who leaves early ends up right back there. But look at me now. Always trust your own instincts...


What is the point here? Tomorrow you enter the next phase of you, the one where you reclaim your life. It will be the best thing you ever did, and it will be your blue ribbon, wear it proudly.
 
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is it weird I can hardly sleep right now? I'm having such a difficult time. I have had maybe 3 hours. Storms have kept me up and well I've just been tossing and turning all night and now that I got up I realized its 5am about and I don't think I can fall back asleep.
 
B&O I'm thinking of you man, and sending you the best wishes for your journey to sobriety. This is the right thing to be doing, and I KNOW you can do it. Everything will be just fine, be strong <3
 
I still don't like the fact my doctor gave my mom My pills. She's just hoarding them around like she's doing something "right". I feel she needs to learn a little more about opiate addiction than what my idiot doctor told her. He didn't have ANY excuse for my 14 hour dry heave sesh which I think is far from fucked up. If you cant tell Me why I heaved my ass off of 3mg and I've taken Suboxone before and had no problems like that then I don't think someone really needs to be a doctor.

Actually I take that back he claimed it was My body. I claim bullshit. Ugh. I feel disgusting right now. Don't really want to go to work, but I feel I need to go in today, and at least say hey I'm going to be gone on doctors leave after today instead of just calling in. Then again I've got so much shit working there it's not even funny. I should have said a big fuck you long ago, but I've been high for 3 years so it's just been rough. I know I can do better and deserve better then where I'm currently at. I just pray my friend follows me before he gets too much deeper than he already is. I love him to death(as a friend).

The most uncomfortable part about this whole thing is I don't know who I'm going to be around. I wish I could go a bit farther away, but I'm pretty broke right now and shits busted as fuck anymore. I just hope this actually works or I atleast learn something out of this.:|

I'm a bit scattered right now so I hope that wasn't to scrambled up and someone can read that.
 
I know you can do this dude, be thankful you had detox. I got spun out on several drugs loosing most of everything around me, what made me clean up finally was an overdose that lead to depersonalization on christmas night. Lucky for me this made drug use not enjoyable at all, I couldn't feel my pulse, nor most of my body. I felt like only bits of me existed in the real world and the rest was numb, I consumed a few more times like this but it lead to severe anxiety attacks and a physically painful trip.

Now months later I not only feel back to normal but I have got a new job, new girlfriend, got on good terms again with friends and family. I finally feel successful for once in seven years. Not to mention a few weeks ago I asked myself "Why do I honestly smoke?" and came to a conclusion it was nothing more than a nervous habit and I dropped it cold turkey without so much as a second thought. It was easy compared to drugs actually.

Now that I am on my feet again I tried marijuana and a few other drugs, none of which feel right anymore, it's just very uncomfortable since my overdose. I do think however I may try a psychedelic or two again in the distant future. But as for now I am just enjoying the fog that has lifted.

Point to all this is you WILL quit if you think you need to, you just have to realize that only you can do this for yourself. Have faith in yourself, be proud of what your doing.

Also something that helped me. I kept a list of reasons why I wanted to quit drugs in my wallet, right in front of my money so if I ever tried to buy drugs I would be forced to look at it.
 
I overdosed and died for 15-20 minutes choking on my vomit in January. I wont forget that day. It didn't stop me from using though. I just cant take it anymore. I'm a good kid inside and I haven't shown it to anyone for years. I'm just sick of drugs, and sick of being sick.

I know this may not last, but at least I can know the steps to recovery. I bet as soon as I get out I'll get high, whether it be weed, or ecstacy. I just need to learn how to limit myself and well not self destruct.
 
Don't go in thinking you'll probably get high the day you get out. Try and think this is the start of getting off the garbage. I know how you feel, it's going to suck walking through the door, but you aught to be really proud for having the balls to do it. It's going to fly by, so don't dread it
 
People who 'know' they will use again after their detox don't truly want the help provided in-front of them. I hope you prove me wrong by having a successful detox but if you really want this than nothing will be able to knock your ego. You just have to mentally build yourself strong enough to say no even when your around it, after that it's a piece of cake.
 
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