so s (orry)

[iLoveYouWithaKnife]

I can't begin to tell you
how it made me feel
to watch your adam's apple
slide down your throat
into your stomach.
i witnessed it all.
And not only did I have to say it once,
but I had to tell you twice,
because you misheard me.

"I want to be with you."
"Are you sure? How do you know, what if you change your mind tomorrow?"
"Then I guess it'll be too late, and I'll have to deal with it."
I look away.

I see you out of the corner of my eye
turn to kiss me and I pull away.
"you just said you wanted to be with me, and now you won't even let me kiss you?!"

I looked down.
I looked to you.
"I said I didn't. didn't want to be with you."

I saw your adam's apple hit your heart,
and then that
explode onto the floor.
into a million pieces.
never to be repaired.

I don't want to have to ask you
where you were
or why
there's a different kind of spakles
sparkling your face tonight
a different kind
that aren't mind.

And if i'm just your friend
i don't hold the right anymore to question that
or to have to check in.
I don't have to answer to anyone anymore.
and I don't have to ask the questions
that you don't have answers for.

And I'm sorry it's got to be this way.
But I refuse to accept it any other way.
I can't continue to do this anymore.
And this is the first time that i've been so sure.
I just kept thinking back to what I did
before 'there was you'.

I woke up, forced my eyes open
the same I have to do now.
Only hoping I'll one day find a reason
for all of this.
It's nothing you can give.
So I must do this alone.

I am so sorry
for all these terrible memories.
They haunt me every night
I close my eyes to sleep.
One day we shall both be able
to overlook them.
And look at one another again.
And know we'll see each other
because as of right now...
I'm not so sure.

I'm so sorry
for all these terrible memories.

 

[E-girl]

you go girl

And I'm sorry it's got to be this way.
But I refuse to accept it any other way.
I can't continue to do this anymore.
And this is the first time that i've been so sure.

good for you... finally.... for finding the strength to walk away.

One day we shall both be able
to overlook them.
And look at one another again.

look how long it took me and justin to be able to look at each other/talk to each other without feeling hurt, pissed off, betrayed... a long time. almost 3 years. but it was worth it to be able to call him up on the phone as my friend again and tell him all the little things that only HE would understand... and not hang up the phone wishing... you know, things...

so the quicker you get that initial goodbye over with... the quicker that day will come...