Thing is, I've fallen off the wagon that many times most people I know think I quit ages ago, or actually haven't, or aren't in immediate contact so its a real quiet goal to be making.
I dont really see the point in this, which is a problem in getting off drugs. The first time I detoxed was under the care of parents and that situation was so bloody bad, Id really messed up my life, couldnt deal, got straight back on and stayed on.
This time around, its not under the care of anyone. I did have the Acute Care Mental Health service nurses home visiting me in week one after I was discharged from the hospital. Being there under those conditions seems so unreal now.
I guess I had to fall into a crisis to bounce back again but has this been worth it?
I don't know. I am really feeling let down. I don't know who by or what I was expecting but I didnt expect to be so fucked up emotionally and mentally. I am not feeling too good about myself.
I dont know what the future holds, if Im going to stay sober off meth or what, and I am never going to expect or pretend I am going to do that when I might fail.
I think to get into a place in my mind where I am happy I need to change many things, not just drugs.
I think I need to leave BL for a start, its cool to spend procrastination time here but too much shit has happened and Im over the bullshit.
I need to get out more, this is impossible at the moment but Im getting better so will do soon.
I need to get back to just getting on with things and not feeling so damn shitty. Being around people I feel comfortable with, and that means getting some self esteem back. Pining for someone I lost a while ago is not helping and fruitless.
Reality is a good thing to be aware of.
I dont really see the point in this, which is a problem in getting off drugs. The first time I detoxed was under the care of parents and that situation was so bloody bad, Id really messed up my life, couldnt deal, got straight back on and stayed on.
This time around, its not under the care of anyone. I did have the Acute Care Mental Health service nurses home visiting me in week one after I was discharged from the hospital. Being there under those conditions seems so unreal now.
I guess I had to fall into a crisis to bounce back again but has this been worth it?
I don't know. I am really feeling let down. I don't know who by or what I was expecting but I didnt expect to be so fucked up emotionally and mentally. I am not feeling too good about myself.
I dont know what the future holds, if Im going to stay sober off meth or what, and I am never going to expect or pretend I am going to do that when I might fail.
I think to get into a place in my mind where I am happy I need to change many things, not just drugs.
I think I need to leave BL for a start, its cool to spend procrastination time here but too much shit has happened and Im over the bullshit.
I need to get out more, this is impossible at the moment but Im getting better so will do soon.
I need to get back to just getting on with things and not feeling so damn shitty. Being around people I feel comfortable with, and that means getting some self esteem back. Pining for someone I lost a while ago is not helping and fruitless.
Reality is a good thing to be aware of.