So here I am 21 years old, no insurance of any kind, I have a fractured eye socket (cant really tell thought unless you felt my face) and an elbow that needs to be operated on. & No money other than the cash that goes to managing my chronic pain.
I no longer have a job (had to quit after wrecking my car in a hospital induced lack of sleep/benzo/barbiturate/opioid haze in another state), all my money (all I can scrape up selling benzos) goes to internet pharmacies to buy codeine & dihydrocodeine. Im starting to lose hope.
Ever since I was little my mind has been filled with constant traumatic events; too many to mention. And on top of the constant trauma in the back of my mind about where Im @, how I got here, and my most recent series of traumatic events (again too much to mention) nothing seems to be getting better no matter how hard I try to break through this cycle of nothingness.
I've fucked up college, and am in over 5000 dollars in debt due to having no medical insurance without my knowledge (I was dropped off my dads plan without notice after the wreck).
The only time I feel truely content with the life I lead is when I get cash in my hand (illegally) & am in an opioid induced haze. All my friends and family see nothing in me & I don't have the money to make something with my life without risking my freedom. I have no family in America on my moms side and my dads side has written me off for continuous failed drug tests and refuses to speak to me. All I've ever wanted was to feel a part of something; to have a family to co me crawling back to when all hope is lost; but no. I really try hard every day to see the light @ the end of the tunnel and be happy, somedays it works but most days it doesnt.
Me and my sis used to be close but now shes off exceeding me in college and is going to be a very successfull woman.
I really don't know what the fuck to do. I have a criminal record that was supposed to be expunged after completion of probation (charged as an adult @ 16 for marijuana cultivation & carrying a knife within legal length and drug paraphenalia). I was on ADHD meds (amphetamines to the max) & ritalin (methylphenidate) since I was 6 & from what I've read in medical literature, permanent damage can be caused by constantly being doped up as a developing child; especially when all you come home to is violent alcoholic outbursts.
I dont use this forum often but I cant keep talking to my mom about my problems, she has enough of her own with her ex husband who is a emotionless alcoholic. I just felt like venting. Thanks for reading.
I no longer have a job (had to quit after wrecking my car in a hospital induced lack of sleep/benzo/barbiturate/opioid haze in another state), all my money (all I can scrape up selling benzos) goes to internet pharmacies to buy codeine & dihydrocodeine. Im starting to lose hope.
Ever since I was little my mind has been filled with constant traumatic events; too many to mention. And on top of the constant trauma in the back of my mind about where Im @, how I got here, and my most recent series of traumatic events (again too much to mention) nothing seems to be getting better no matter how hard I try to break through this cycle of nothingness.
I've fucked up college, and am in over 5000 dollars in debt due to having no medical insurance without my knowledge (I was dropped off my dads plan without notice after the wreck).
The only time I feel truely content with the life I lead is when I get cash in my hand (illegally) & am in an opioid induced haze. All my friends and family see nothing in me & I don't have the money to make something with my life without risking my freedom. I have no family in America on my moms side and my dads side has written me off for continuous failed drug tests and refuses to speak to me. All I've ever wanted was to feel a part of something; to have a family to co me crawling back to when all hope is lost; but no. I really try hard every day to see the light @ the end of the tunnel and be happy, somedays it works but most days it doesnt.
Me and my sis used to be close but now shes off exceeding me in college and is going to be a very successfull woman.
I really don't know what the fuck to do. I have a criminal record that was supposed to be expunged after completion of probation (charged as an adult @ 16 for marijuana cultivation & carrying a knife within legal length and drug paraphenalia). I was on ADHD meds (amphetamines to the max) & ritalin (methylphenidate) since I was 6 & from what I've read in medical literature, permanent damage can be caused by constantly being doped up as a developing child; especially when all you come home to is violent alcoholic outbursts.
I dont use this forum often but I cant keep talking to my mom about my problems, she has enough of her own with her ex husband who is a emotionless alcoholic. I just felt like venting. Thanks for reading.