So much is going on... TW

[BlueWeepingRose]

I noticed that everytime I pee, at the very end of when I pee, it hurts at the very end and I tear up. This is a feeling I'm so used to feeling because I felt it before when I got Kidney Stones. I've had Bladder Infections in the past and I never felt that before. Last night I couldn't make it to the bathroom and I peed myself three times. I pee a lot already during the day as it is and I always think this is weird, I don't drink caffeine due to me being bipolar. I mostly drink water and keep a very healthy diet. It seems whenever I have really intense sex or anything, I seem to pee a lot more. Sometimes this worries me and it makes me want to give up sex altogether due to this, it depresses me a lot. First I got precancer on my cervix and noticed that it can cause Kidney Stones which I got and I got a lot of spasms.

When I had bladder infections before I never peed myself ever because the minute I sat down I had to go pee literally every 15 mins to 20 mins. This doesn't seem like a Bladder Infection to me at all. Today I didn't pee myself which is a blessing and I'm so embarrassed to be mentioning this, I really am. I want to go to college this year and get a job and I'm afraid that me constantly rushing to the bathroom constantly and peeing all the time is taking over my life. Sometimes when I'm on the road traveling I sometimes hold my pee in and I know this isn't good. I also hate leaving my house due to me always having to pee too. Sometimes my bladder is relaxed and other times I pee constantly. Today when I told my mother all of this she freaked out and yelled at me. "Gosh why do you have so many health problems??! There's always a problem with you!!" I ended up just sitting on the bench near the woods and staying away from everyone because I feel like such a constant burden.

Again today I cried because I feel really alone right now and I'm suffering with depression. There's other times I pretend I'm happy and act like I have it together. So many people who I reached out too ignored me and wouldn't be there for me. I wrote to so many people and some responded and others didn't over Facebook. I feel isolated. I was addicted to narcotics and opiates. Blue's was probably the one that got hooked though. I also miss my best friend still. I doubt I'll get over his overdose for a long time. I know I didn't abuse Meth or anything, I saw what it did to him though and in the end I got clean from Blue's and cried myself to sleep at night just hoping I make it out alive.

As I was w/d I kept having dreams of his overdose and I had so many battles where I almost relapsed. I ended up calling a sponsor and talked to him every time I wanted to use after I got clean. There's people in fact that I know that abused drugs in the past or is just now getting addicted to something. That's something I try to stay away from. I'm done with drugs. All they did was ruin my life and I lost my best friend and my step brother. Both of them are dead and overdosed. My step brother died years ago and when my mother told me around the time I was just getting addicted to drugs. Did that stop me? No. It should of though.

I just want to be okay now. I'm seriously tired of suffering. 2015 and this year is pure hell for me. I have no idea what's going on with me, I'm just extremely worried and I just want to be okay. Looking back now that I'm clean I hurt so many people and I lied to so many people. I've also snuck out of the house at night when my parents weren't happy with me hanging out with certain people because they knew they weren't good for me. I used to have a Facebook. I ended up closing it down and opened up a new page because a lot of "my old so called friends" who were on there and weren't really talking to me, supporting me when I truly needed it and ignored me anyways. I even took down a lot of photo's off of my page too. Photo's of us hanging out together. Those photo's are gone and lost and I never want to look at them anymore because all it does is cause me pain. All I did was delete them.

 

[Jackplays]

Yea, the past year for me has been really hard aswell. Can I ask how old you are? I think it's 100% ok that you deleted the people who weren't helping you. That was a step in the right direction. Iv also hurt and had to lie to alot of people, and it really sucks. You just have to live day by day.

 

[VastEmpty]

Blue -

I am sorry to hear you are feeling so bad. You say this feels different than a bladder infection - how so? Also, how old are you, if I may ask? I don't mean to pry, but are you and your sexual partner monogamous? There are a few sexually transmitted diseases that can manifest in symptoms similar to yours. Honestly, you really need to see a gynecologist and get tested as soon as possible. If your gynecologist rules out everything - then you need to see a urologist so they can do a bladder scope and see what's up.

I have a bladder condition that causes some similar symptoms and it's super painful, not to mention embarrassing. Get yourself to a doctor ASAP, blue. No matter what it is, it's not something you want to wait a long time on. I'm no doctor, but my guess is that you have a bladder infection, it is just not the same as the ones you have had in the past.

Trust me, I know how scary the process I just outlined is, do you have any support at home? Does it hurt after you pee as well as while you are peeing, or just at the time? I assume opiates aren't an option for pain because your recovering?

sorry for the 20 questions, no need to answer anything you don't want to. I get it. Best of luck.

- VE

 

[Moreaux]

Yes, definately see an obgyn and find out why you're going to the bathroom so frequently. In the meantime, don't give up schoolboy work over this. You can wear thick maxi pads that will protect your cloths so it you have an accident you can just change the pad and continue on with your life.

Your bathrr issue could also be a problem with your pelvic floor muscles, as you say this is more frequent after sex. Ask your obgyn about this. This would also explain your frequent trips to the bathroom as you are not able to fully empty your bladder. Pelvic floor issues are very common and can be treated with physical therapy.

I think you need to continue with school and focus on establishing a solid foundation so you can get out of your parent's house. Good luck!