iLoveYouWithaKnife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 8,351
Okay, yes yes I KNOW that this is the third post in TWO days.......
but once you break that streak of writers block.... you are instopable.....
All of my topics are emotional....... but yet...... even still... so different, still filled with tears of their own..... I just got done writing the last one a little bit ago, and I got some more new, news....... and i can't resist. Because if i wait until tomorrow to write, my thoughts of tonight, will be gone forever.
It's very far and distant
that I really think about you.
And when I do,
it's rarely how I broke your heart
or you broke mine
or how after three years
it turned to NOT matter in the end.
Because honestly,
by that time
when we both moved away,
we chose a different life.
In sequence,
I forgot about you.....
and I hope you can say the same about me.
I hope you didn't lay awake
longing to be near me at night.
Because we both know,
those nights we spent together
under the same roof,
were seperated by me sleeping upstairs,
and you sleeping downstairs on the couch.
We made it that way.
It was all over,
while we still held on...
pretending we could make something work
while we lived together
with another best friend.
And at the end of the lease,
we'd all part.
But ONE simple night in June (2001)
I said "fuck all of this"
I packed your stuff,
it wasn't worth it.
I moved out of our condo,
a few months later
leaving our best friend there alone.
Paying the six hundred dollars in rent
and all of the utilities.
I didn't leave him stranded though.
He knew I was leaving for Phila.
The extra hundred dollars we both paid
(to take your place)
was nothing to us.
At least it gave us (me and him)
a time to catch up.
Sometimes,
on Tuesday afternoons
I'd crawl in bed with him.
We'd just lay there
and for a moment in time
everything stopped.
There was no you or me.....
it was just me and him...
catching up on sleep
I couldn't seem to find
laying alone.
And you wrecked me, in a way.
That I don't like to admit.
But I'm over it now.
I think back sometimes though,
of how I lost a friend in it all.
And not just you, either,
but our roommate.
In February (2002),
I wanted to talk to you.
I wrote you a letter.
I sealed it in an envelop-
never sent it.
I was so fucked up that night.
I stuck it under my mattress.
Months later,
when I moved out,
I found it.
I FORGOT it was there.
I really did.
I read it..... and laughed.
I'm so glad I didn't send it,
I sounded so desperate.
And I really didn't mean
the things I had written.....
at least not months later
anyway.
So, you were in touch with me
a few weeks ago
told me you were going back to the ARMY.
Going to serve duty
overseas.
Good for you.
It's about time you do something
with your life.
Besides pining over girls.
You told me I could have my cat back,
the one you kidnapped.
I was estatic-
but didn't hold you to it,
because you lie like hell
when you want to.
You and HER are still together-
and that's great.
really.
I really think so.
I was always glad
that you could find someone
who couldn't give you
what I could.
Maybe it's all an act
like it was,
with me.
But I hope not.
She's on the same level as you,
I think.
Down there.
Anyway, there were new plans
not for her to stay
here
but for you to get married-
for her to go with you.
You- getting married-
whoa.
You got the license....
I heard of this news,
you being engaged,
years ago
but nothing ever done about it.
Now, you have one month-
until you ship off.....
and so does she....
I hope you are both happy.
Living in Europe.
Or whereever you'll both be.
Maybe you'll visit Paris someday-
with her-
the most romantic city in the world.
I didn't think SO though,
when we went.
I bitched about everything possible.
And made fun of you,
for that french guy who made fun of you
and your stupid bandana.
And if you ever go to Switzerland,
you'll never be able to look at Zurich again,
the way we shared it.
We saw THE CURE there......
12,000 people and we are in the front row!
And those pictures we have are incredible.
....and the memories of sleeping in the train station there,
trying to get back to France.
And getting drunk in the Airport
before our flight.
I am happy for you,
I am.
But I also wish do not care,
about your so-simple life,
anymore.
You were too uncaring for me.
About everything.
We had it all,
and you brushed it off as nothing.
And maybe I did the same thing as you.
We can remember now-
but three years is too long,
and now
so unimportant.
You have a life, few years behind you
with someone you chose, to share with.
And good for you.
You had nothing to offer me, anymore.
And good for filling her life, with that nothing.
But perhaps, it makes her life something.
I hate you neither.
I'm glad for you both.
I just don't understand how we spent
all that time
together
and all i remember is a few distant times
-mostly remembered by pictures-
of grusome car accidents and the cure in europe,
and me telling you to get on with your life,
not to remember mine......
because i am okay....
and for you to deal with your's today.
...for once.
'cause there's a girl
with a marriage license,
dropping her whole life
to move to europe in a month
to make you happy.
And even though,
that fucking cunt
had the nerve to smile at me
and pretend to be 'friends'
.... while we were together...........
if it makes you happy in the end....
i wish you the best of luck.
but once you break that streak of writers block.... you are instopable.....
All of my topics are emotional....... but yet...... even still... so different, still filled with tears of their own..... I just got done writing the last one a little bit ago, and I got some more new, news....... and i can't resist. Because if i wait until tomorrow to write, my thoughts of tonight, will be gone forever.
It's very far and distant
that I really think about you.
And when I do,
it's rarely how I broke your heart
or you broke mine
or how after three years
it turned to NOT matter in the end.
Because honestly,
by that time
when we both moved away,
we chose a different life.
In sequence,
I forgot about you.....
and I hope you can say the same about me.
I hope you didn't lay awake
longing to be near me at night.
Because we both know,
those nights we spent together
under the same roof,
were seperated by me sleeping upstairs,
and you sleeping downstairs on the couch.
We made it that way.
It was all over,
while we still held on...
pretending we could make something work
while we lived together
with another best friend.
And at the end of the lease,
we'd all part.
But ONE simple night in June (2001)
I said "fuck all of this"
I packed your stuff,
it wasn't worth it.
I moved out of our condo,
a few months later
leaving our best friend there alone.
Paying the six hundred dollars in rent
and all of the utilities.
I didn't leave him stranded though.
He knew I was leaving for Phila.
The extra hundred dollars we both paid
(to take your place)
was nothing to us.
At least it gave us (me and him)
a time to catch up.
Sometimes,
on Tuesday afternoons
I'd crawl in bed with him.
We'd just lay there
and for a moment in time
everything stopped.
There was no you or me.....
it was just me and him...
catching up on sleep
I couldn't seem to find
laying alone.
And you wrecked me, in a way.
That I don't like to admit.
But I'm over it now.
I think back sometimes though,
of how I lost a friend in it all.
And not just you, either,
but our roommate.
In February (2002),
I wanted to talk to you.
I wrote you a letter.
I sealed it in an envelop-
never sent it.
I was so fucked up that night.
I stuck it under my mattress.
Months later,
when I moved out,
I found it.
I FORGOT it was there.
I really did.
I read it..... and laughed.
I'm so glad I didn't send it,
I sounded so desperate.
And I really didn't mean
the things I had written.....
at least not months later
anyway.
So, you were in touch with me
a few weeks ago
told me you were going back to the ARMY.
Going to serve duty
overseas.
Good for you.
It's about time you do something
with your life.
Besides pining over girls.
You told me I could have my cat back,
the one you kidnapped.
I was estatic-
but didn't hold you to it,
because you lie like hell
when you want to.
You and HER are still together-
and that's great.
really.
I really think so.
I was always glad
that you could find someone
who couldn't give you
what I could.
Maybe it's all an act
like it was,
with me.
But I hope not.
She's on the same level as you,
I think.
Down there.
Anyway, there were new plans
not for her to stay
here
but for you to get married-
for her to go with you.
You- getting married-
whoa.
You got the license....
I heard of this news,
you being engaged,
years ago
but nothing ever done about it.
Now, you have one month-
until you ship off.....
and so does she....
I hope you are both happy.
Living in Europe.
Or whereever you'll both be.
Maybe you'll visit Paris someday-
with her-
the most romantic city in the world.
I didn't think SO though,
when we went.
I bitched about everything possible.
And made fun of you,
for that french guy who made fun of you
and your stupid bandana.
And if you ever go to Switzerland,
you'll never be able to look at Zurich again,
the way we shared it.
We saw THE CURE there......
12,000 people and we are in the front row!
And those pictures we have are incredible.
....and the memories of sleeping in the train station there,
trying to get back to France.
And getting drunk in the Airport
before our flight.
I am happy for you,
I am.
But I also wish do not care,
about your so-simple life,
anymore.
You were too uncaring for me.
About everything.
We had it all,
and you brushed it off as nothing.
And maybe I did the same thing as you.
We can remember now-
but three years is too long,
and now
so unimportant.
You have a life, few years behind you
with someone you chose, to share with.
And good for you.
You had nothing to offer me, anymore.
And good for filling her life, with that nothing.
But perhaps, it makes her life something.
I hate you neither.
I'm glad for you both.
I just don't understand how we spent
all that time
together
and all i remember is a few distant times
-mostly remembered by pictures-
of grusome car accidents and the cure in europe,
and me telling you to get on with your life,
not to remember mine......
because i am okay....
and for you to deal with your's today.
...for once.
'cause there's a girl
with a marriage license,
dropping her whole life
to move to europe in a month
to make you happy.
And even though,
that fucking cunt
had the nerve to smile at me
and pretend to be 'friends'
.... while we were together...........
if it makes you happy in the end....
i wish you the best of luck.
