libertine7427
Greenlighter
- Joined
- May 13, 2016
- Messages
- 5
Hi everyone, I haven't really got any aim in mind when I post this, just wanted to share my experiences of MDMA abuse.
From September - December last year I took MDMA 3 times, with a month gap, which was good. I enjoyed the drug and didn't feel any negative impacts. Then came January 2016. I did MDMA at least 7 times that month, probably more and I was doing magic mushrooms swell on a fairly regular basis, coupled with daily cannabis use (which continued throughout the entire year) and occasional Ketamine use. Overall, in 2016 I have done MDMA or Pills at least 13 times. By March I was feeling very depressed and increasingly anxious. I would be scared of saying anything to anyone for fear of embarrassment. It got gradually worse and I also started to have deeply romantic feelings to someone who I had barely spoken to. I was convinced that I loved them and that they were the only purpose for my existance and I could literally think of nothing else. By the end of the year I was very depressed and taking a lot of MDMA. I would typically do 300mg for a night out, which I didnt realise was a high dose.
I've been clean for a month now and am getting better. The main point I want to make here though is that because I was in such a druggy social circle, I never even considered that MDMA abuse would be causing me to feel so shit. It's only since removing myself from a certain environment that I've realised that it was the MDMA that was fucking me up. It literally hadn't crossed my mind before. I think that because MDMA has a very obvious comedown, I assumed that that made up for the high and it was a process of readjustment. In retrospect, I can't believe that I didnt consider the long term effects of doing a class A drug so frequently. My decision making towards the end of the year was also shocking, and I was generally just emotionally all over the place
I'm getting better now, through exercise and 5-HTP, and staying away from MDMA. Fuck knows how much damage I've done to myself, I think I got out just soon enough though. If I'd have carried on I think things would have gotten dark. What I find amazing is that because of the circles I was in, I considered it to be very normal, and I really did not consider what I was doing to myself. Looking back, I find my ignorance amazing, but then I have to remind myself that my decision making was so poor because of MDMA. It's only in a period of sobriety that I've realised what I've been doing, and I've been shocked by it. It's been a month of deep introspection, but it has allowed me to put my problems into perspective
As I said, I had no aim when I posted this. Any thoughts are welcome, or if anyone has a similar experience. I suppose if I have one question, it is whether the damage is reversible? Personally right now I feel like it is, I'm getting better and although I did a lot of MDMA, other than in January and June there was usually at least a three week gap. Can I fully recover? The main problem I'm dealing with is anxiety, but I can feel it getting better. Right now I have to force myself to cut through it, I can recognise when its happening and tell myself to go past it. Hopefully I will get to the stage were it leaves me completely. I feel that my excessive cannabis use may have also contributed to this. However, now that I have recognised that it is drugs that have led me to be like this, I am putting my problems into more of a perspective
Well anyway, thanks for reading. I'm not going to bother proof reading, so I'm sorry if its a bit all over the place
From September - December last year I took MDMA 3 times, with a month gap, which was good. I enjoyed the drug and didn't feel any negative impacts. Then came January 2016. I did MDMA at least 7 times that month, probably more and I was doing magic mushrooms swell on a fairly regular basis, coupled with daily cannabis use (which continued throughout the entire year) and occasional Ketamine use. Overall, in 2016 I have done MDMA or Pills at least 13 times. By March I was feeling very depressed and increasingly anxious. I would be scared of saying anything to anyone for fear of embarrassment. It got gradually worse and I also started to have deeply romantic feelings to someone who I had barely spoken to. I was convinced that I loved them and that they were the only purpose for my existance and I could literally think of nothing else. By the end of the year I was very depressed and taking a lot of MDMA. I would typically do 300mg for a night out, which I didnt realise was a high dose.
I've been clean for a month now and am getting better. The main point I want to make here though is that because I was in such a druggy social circle, I never even considered that MDMA abuse would be causing me to feel so shit. It's only since removing myself from a certain environment that I've realised that it was the MDMA that was fucking me up. It literally hadn't crossed my mind before. I think that because MDMA has a very obvious comedown, I assumed that that made up for the high and it was a process of readjustment. In retrospect, I can't believe that I didnt consider the long term effects of doing a class A drug so frequently. My decision making towards the end of the year was also shocking, and I was generally just emotionally all over the place
I'm getting better now, through exercise and 5-HTP, and staying away from MDMA. Fuck knows how much damage I've done to myself, I think I got out just soon enough though. If I'd have carried on I think things would have gotten dark. What I find amazing is that because of the circles I was in, I considered it to be very normal, and I really did not consider what I was doing to myself. Looking back, I find my ignorance amazing, but then I have to remind myself that my decision making was so poor because of MDMA. It's only in a period of sobriety that I've realised what I've been doing, and I've been shocked by it. It's been a month of deep introspection, but it has allowed me to put my problems into perspective
As I said, I had no aim when I posted this. Any thoughts are welcome, or if anyone has a similar experience. I suppose if I have one question, it is whether the damage is reversible? Personally right now I feel like it is, I'm getting better and although I did a lot of MDMA, other than in January and June there was usually at least a three week gap. Can I fully recover? The main problem I'm dealing with is anxiety, but I can feel it getting better. Right now I have to force myself to cut through it, I can recognise when its happening and tell myself to go past it. Hopefully I will get to the stage were it leaves me completely. I feel that my excessive cannabis use may have also contributed to this. However, now that I have recognised that it is drugs that have led me to be like this, I am putting my problems into more of a perspective
Well anyway, thanks for reading. I'm not going to bother proof reading, so I'm sorry if its a bit all over the place
