So it begins... The Kratom Withdrawal Journal

Not sure how to work this, whether to have a separate blog for each day, or just start a new comment for each day to keep everything in one place... hmmm... Will have to see.

Yesterday I had some stressful shit in the morning so ended up using most of the kratom I had left, then met up with my friend and was OKish, and spaced out what I had left. I chatted on MSN with my girl and arranged for her to come and stay in a couple of weeks which gives me something of an incentive, and as we were saying our goodbyes took my last 5g of kratom powder.

I was feeling OK and positive as I went to bed, and did drift of to sleep a little, then woke feeling very restless. It was 2am. My bed felt weird, I had to get up and fix the slats under the mattress, which had come loose, that felt a little better, but I tossed and turned and couldn't find a comfortable position. Had no mental anguish, apart from in response to the restlessness. Had one or two wistful moments of wishing I still had a little kratom to make this go away for a few hours.

Couldn't get comfortable, or go back to sleep, so got up a lot earlier than I usually would. Made some coffee and came on BL. Noticed pain in my knees on walking around, and a tightness in my stomach. And feeling very cold.

Now I'm not trying to relax and sleep, and am occupying my mind a little, it doesn't feel too bad, though I do feel vaguely uneasy and very tired. I know withdrawal can be deceiving though, so will just take it hour by hour. This will probably get a lot worse as my body realises it's not getting any more of its DOC...

8 hrs and 12 minutes

 

9 hrs and 15 minutes.

Managed to eat half a can of soup. Took some vitamins.

 

10 hrs 46 mins, tried masturbating to kill time, it was a bit lacklustre.

Either the withdrawal or lack of sleep is affecting me cognitively - texted some people and both texts went to the wrong person - have never done that before

 

12hrs 7 minutes.

Have made half a day.

Tried masturbating again, was a bit better. The further away from the kratom the better it will get.

Had the other half of the can of soup.

Feeling extremely tired, nose is starting to run a little, sneezing has started up. Pain in legs. Feel so cold.

Have some phenibut but not feeling tempted to use it - have just used some paracetomol & ibuprofen for aches.

I somehow left MSN on and my girl pounced on me - it was taking me a while to respond and she noticed. She is going overseas on business tonight, I guess that will help, in a way, as there will be less contact while I go through the withdrawal process - find it hard co communicate with anyone real. For some reason it's easier to ramble on on here 8)

 

14 hrs 34 mins. Ironically I have done longer than this some days before, funny how it plays tricks on your mind.

Hard to say how I feel. Dozed for a bit, but not long. Feel dog tired. And this anxiety in the pit of my stomach, an extreme uneasiness. And a voice in my head telling me I'm always going to feel that way, I will never feel right again. It's a voice that needs its windpipe crushing - my body has had huge amounts of various different alkaloids coasting round it for over a year, of course it's going to feel fucking rough for a while as it gets used to not having them. Of course the primitive bits of the brain don't know that so just send all these signals saying something's wrong, do something about this... Well, I managed to eat a sandwich, and drink some green tea.

Keep counting those hours...

 

Almost at 17 hours. I hope I'm not breaking the rules posting multiple comments, at least it's not multiple blogs.

I'm chewing kanna to help with my flat mood, and drinking tea. I feel sad because my girl is leaving the country in a few hours. Ironic that she is 300 miles away to start with, but it feels like she's going further away. Thinking about her kind of gives me strength - I was alone for a long time, and then I found her, and we're moving forward with things. I'm doing this for me, I have to do it for me primarily, but the truth is it's not just me any more, there is someone else, and god knows I care about her and we both deserve that I cut this cancerous branch of myself off...

I'm still very tired, have been doing hardly anything apart from lying on the couch with the tv droning on, and my trusty laptop at hand for reading the threads now and then.

The kanna seems to be helping. I'm missing the kratom. But I'm at 17 hours in a couple of minutes. 7 more hours and that's day one out of the way.

Keep eating the hours up somehow...

 

Sleep it off tonight. You will feel a lot better in the morning.

 

You're doing great psycho-- keep it up.

Oh, and I got a little chuckle at 'masturbate to kill time'. I think we've all been there, and I don't know that it's ever anything but lacklustre in a situation like that.

 

Thanks Dave, and lol! It got a little better as the day went on