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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

So I just talked to my boss..

B

bcfly7x7

Bluelighter
Joined
Sep 14, 2014
Messages
209
Location
PA, USA
First the good news, I still have a job after not being there for over a month.

Now the worrisome part, she told me it was a hard choice but because my numbers are so good, they want me back. Then she added, well if you can do what you did taking all that crap and missing 5-7 days a month, you should double your production. She didnt seem to be joking.

My job is high stress and tons of anxiety. Which I have plenty of currently going through PAWS.

Im worried if I dont produce in a greater number I might be out, even though im the top person they have.

I went back for one day two weeks ago right after a 7 day detox, couldn't stop shaking, stayed for six hours and outperformed every other person in the office.

Then I told her about rehab after work, and she said, great how long is this going to take....

Just not sure how to take all this. Its probably me just over thinking things but who knows. All comments welcome.

Thx

Bob
 
It sounds to me like they're cranking up the pressure way to hard, as I guess you already know too many employers behave this way.

It's hardly a surprise that so many people get burnt out and trigger drug issues and mental health problems, I've been down that road. Whilst I don't believe my employer, at the time was 100% responsible for the state I ended up in, they sure knew how to kick me when I was down.

My advice is to try and keep some perspective of your own, trying to always be the on top is just giving away far too much IMO. The balance, for me is to try and do a great job but believe that you can do that without working flat out the whole time, finish on time most days and take you annual leave, they're lucky to have you not the other way around.

The place I work at now is a bit of a mixed bag in terms of the way they treat people, they're mainly OK but ultimately they are a fairly large ( in their field) and aggressive player, will they really give a shit about me in the long run ...hell no, will I really give a shit about them if I see a better position somewhere else ..hell no, I'll politely hand in my notice, finish up and move on. Paying my bills and looking aftre my family is important work is just a means to do that for me, it's not the way I like to define myself or my success as a person.
 
I can definitely relate to that, the only difference is I am not a direct sales person. I am more involved in the paperwork side of the business. They still pressure us to make sales and invoice what we have but the boss, our boss has very unrealistic expectations which gives everyone so much anxiety. This month, we have to make so much that it is nearly impossible due to the current back log from our new manufacturer.

I know that you are having PAWS at the moment, but would it be possible for you to find another part time work that can lead to full time just in case they are not happy with you then at least you have another backup. Thats what I would do
 
Thanks for both comments, I have a quote on my desk that I look at every day and could care less if they see it. "A man should NEVER neglect his family for business". As well as my personal favorite, "Of all things said by tongue or pen, the saddest maybe; it might have been".

Maya, instead of another job, im thinking about finishing college. Im through 2 1/2 years, then I left. I used to joke that this sales purgatory I'm in is of my own doing for not finishing college. Just like it was my choice to take all the opiates and benzos. If ive learned one thing through all of this, its that it wasnt my chronic pain that got me here it was MY CHOICES! Wow, first time ive admitted that. Huh......

Allien, you're correct, I do burn my self out because at the end of every month, even if you had a great month, it's what have you done for me lately. I do have a wife and daughter, and I love them more than my self and would run myself ragged before my wife or daughter are deprived of something because I didn't do enough. Pressure from all sides, anxiety, stress, never ending worry of what im going to make today, this week, month, year. We used to take vacation every year, but its been probably 4 years since we went to Park City. Miss those days, okay enough of my rant. Sorry.

Thx again.

Bob
 
Just remember that the main thing you can give your wife and daughter is a plenty of relaxed time spent together. It sounds like your job is pretty ruthless. Going back to school might be a hardship on your family for a bit but ultimately families work best when the adults are happy n their work/life balance.

You've done a lot already to get your life back on track so now you are free to look at other tracks altogether!:)
 
Thx herb,

Yea, I think ruthless is the right word. I hate it too, wish I sucked at it so it would force my hand. Goddamn sales purgatory.........lol.

Im taking this time currently to reconnect (they never left) but I wasn't there mentally. I wrote letters to my wife and daughter, im sure you all can imagine what is in them. Needless to say, plenty of tears shed while writing them.

This was groundbreaking for me because I didn't have feelings for years, then all these emotions came flooding back. Even though I was crying, it felt good to care again. Feel pain, happiness, laughter and energy.

Bob
 
It's intense how your emotions come flooding back when you get off opiates, and it's the most intense during withdrawal/immediately after. It does feel good though, doesn't it? Even if it can be very intense, it's like, something REAL, finally. 4 1/2 months out myself and I've had my emotions back for some time, they're pretty stable now, actually my cat (my baby who I love more than anything) is very sick right now and no solution has yet been presented... this is just happening yesterday and today, and I am proud of myself for how well I am dealing with it. It's hard but I am working through the emotions and remaining (mostly) positive and the thought of using opiates to cover it up hasn't crossed my mind once.
 
Yes, xorkoth. It is intense to feel again and so strongly so. I have to check myself before I go to far to one extreme I.e. anger, happiness, sadness, laughter.

Im so sorry to hear about your cat. I have one also, 15 years old. Her name is dusk, I hope that your cat is ok. A friend like a pet and considered a family member is a tough loss. Hopefully that wont be the case but dont let it overcome you if the worst happens. Remember all the good times, and you'll be just fine. I know they'll figure it out. One of my cats died from UTI blockage. If you need to vent, hit me up.

Much respect,

Bob
 
Yeah my cat has blocked 4 times in the past few years, fortunately I caught it the first time and then knew what to look for the other times. They just did an ultrasound, looks like it's not a bladder problem but a bowel problem... waiting to hear from my vet with more information. I'm nearly positive it's all the same issue... he's been on medication and prescription food for the past 3 years which has masked the problem but it's rearing itself again. I am hoping so hard that they can really identify the problem this time and fix it, or at least directly medicate it and get it under control. He's not young - 9 1/2 years old - but he's not old either, he should have half his life ahead of him.
 
Yea that sucks, well I wish the best for and him. Im sure it'll work out. Like you said, hes only still 9 1/2- trust me im sure hes only.burned 3 of those nine lives, take solace in knowing you probably gave him an extra 3 spoting the bladder issues. A strong cat. Stronger owner.

Bob
 
Yea, I know but my business fluctuates with the wind. Its just the added stress bestowed now on my shoulders just out of detox......ggggrrrrrrrr
 
bcfly7x7 said:
Thanks for both comments, I have a quote on my desk that I look at every day and could care less if they see it. "A man should NEVER neglect his family for business". As well as my personal favorite, "Of all things said by tongue or pen, the saddest maybe; it might have been".

Maya, instead of another job, im thinking about finishing college. Im through 2 1/2 years, then I left. I used to joke that this sales purgatory I'm in is of my own doing for not finishing college. Just like it was my choice to take all the opiates and benzos. If ive learned one thing through all of this, its that it wasnt my chronic pain that got me here it was MY CHOICES! Wow, first time ive admitted that. Huh......

Allien, you're correct, I do burn my self out because at the end of every month, even if you had a great month, it's what have you done for me lately. I do have a wife and daughter, and I love them more than my self and would run myself ragged before my wife or daughter are deprived of something because I didn't do enough. Pressure from all sides, anxiety, stress, never ending worry of what im going to make today, this week, month, year. We used to take vacation every year, but its been probably 4 years since we went to Park City. Miss those days, okay enough of my rant. Sorry.

Thx again.

Bob
Click to expand...

I need three more courses to complete my program and yes that is also another backup I have just in case something goes wrong with my current job. You just never know how tides are going to turn and it is much better to have other options and other places you can consider working at. I am not very picky when it comes to work but I would still prefer office work more than anything else. I can also do sales, work in retail or customer service.
 
Is out patient rehab an option for you? I know people who did this after work, and in some cases their job or work paid for it.
 
Priest, yes in short. See my thread about, "how to make rehab after work,work". This might help in seeing the issues im having. Thx

Bob
 
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