so I fell

[DramaQueen47]

This is one of the newer songs I've been working on. How does it sound?
It started on a rainy day, hop in the car then you took me away, and I fell.
One precious weak moment, I should've stayed in bed, you caught me alone, so I fell.
I don't know if I can end it all this time.
I couldn't laugh with you, just speaking with you would be amazing. so how did I fall?
What did I see behind that painful smirk? Don't look at me like that. I could never fall..
If I click my heels three times can I go home?
Now you're home again, I can't stand to hear your key in the door. Maybe you'll fall.
If i make it past your unconvincing eyes no more warnings, this is it. will you fall?
I don't want to pretend any more
I don't need one of those halfway smiles
I'm not sorry to watch you go
But now I'll turn my back and slam the door.
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Luv Ceej
You know, it don't take much intelligence to get yourself into a nailed-up coffin. But who in the hell ever got himself out of one without removing one nail?
AIM: LadyBaby7

 

[beatbeat]

ooh, I like this. The only thing is you end with a strong statement about a closed door, which is a really different image than the falling body. And I wasn't sure how you made that transition of importance - like it was really satisfying that the falling body kept emerging as a recurring image and I wasn't ready to surrender that to a whole different conclusion. But I like that key turning in the door thing. And maybe this wasn't the ending anyway. Overall I do like this very much and wonder what the musical aspect of it sounds like.
[This message has been edited by beatbeat (edited 03 October 2001).]