So I fell for another druggie, I guess

[Psyduck]

If you don't see him again I'm sure you'll have forgotten all about him within a few weeks. As Sartre said, 'there is no love but that which is built'.

Also, something (with regards to this thread) one must keep in mind... and which Sartre also said: L'enfer, c'est les autres ("Hell is other people").

 

[Pagey]

Ooh you even put it in french

 

[Stevenski]

“I’d like to help you, I don’t know how you’d like to do it, but I need money in advance and then you will also get quite a good bonus the more you buy. And if you’d like to continue I'd be happy to do that. I would prefer the money sent to me, I don’t have the address right now, but you will have it when I have a new place to sleep.”

Bingo. You can set your watch by this guy. Needs the money in advance but you get a nice bonus in the end.

Ninae you are extremely vulnerable & this guy will take advantage of it. Predators like me can pick our targets from a mile away. He has you in range & has laid the bait. Right now you are just sniffing the bait but you will take it. You can't help yourself & the justification you are offering is exactly part of the plan.

Your trusting nature will hurt you in the end. I understand you just want to help this guy because that is your nature. He also understands that & will use it to his advantage.

If I was in his position I would be playing the "long" game. I bet the first few deals go well & then it is time to up the stakes. That is when he will make his real play.

The reason I say this is because I am a good person but I did many bad things to get where I needed to go. Once the hostage has served their purpose they are expendable & should be discarded.

 

[Ninae]

Look, thanks for all your advice, but I'm not actually as naive to the street scene anymore as I've been both robbed and screwed over so many times by now (and always in different ways).

And these were actually some of the best deals I've made. I don't know what this guy exactly has in mind. He may be planning to screw me over or he may not. His philosophy seems to be that being kind and reliable and helping people out will benefit him more in the long run, as it enables him to form friendships and he'll have people willing to help him out or do him favours when he needs it. Which is really a more intelligent approach than just taking everyone for as much as they've got. He also has sympathy for me, which also comes into play, as even the most cynical in the drug scene have people they like to do right by for sentimental reasons.

Then again with someone in a situation as desperate as his, where his survival is at stake, in addition to abstinences, and other things like street debts, etc. there can always come a time where he simply feels he has no choice for his own welfare, even if he doesn't want to. And that is why I'm not planning to trust him with anymore than like 20 pills at a time, EVER, unless I can actually meet up with him and get them in hand first. And losing that money would be nothing to me after everything I've lost on robberies, deals gone wrong, and customs ceizes, which is a veritable fortune.

So I'm not really that worried about the financial side of it. To be honest I'm more worried about my heart. But I have very few contacts so I'll try him out for some pills and thought maybe I could make some arrangement with him if he promises not to screw me over I'll promise I'll help him out with a bit of money or drugs (if I can) when he's desperate. Which is always, he just went without benzos for a week and can't afford food, so he needs all the help and friends he can get.

Either way, I've had so many experiences myself now, been screewed over in every imaginable way and it hasn't been lost on me, so I've finally become pretty streetwise and now know most of what to avoid. Nearly every time I've gone out to score I've seemed to make some kind of grave mistake (also because of being an outsider to the scene). The one I made this time was taking too many Klonopins with Speed, so that after it went well with him and he departed, and the girl who introduced us and had sold me some Speed earlier took me to someone who could sell me some opiates (as I rarely get the chance to score any).

And that is the last I remember, before I was going to pay for the stuff and my pockets were empty of all money and drugs, and she was complaining she'd had to watch me all the time while I was blacked out. No idea what happened there, but next thing I knew woke up alone the day after on the floor beside the holding box I'd rented on the train station (which was empty of all my belongings) and had to spend the night in hospital, get a free train ride home, then another night in hospital when I got back to my hometown (probably downed like 50 Klonopins with Speed in the course of it). So, yes, I'd say I'm a bit wiser by now.

Also have to say the drug scene is amazingly dramatic, lightning can strike before you even know what hit you, and could be really exciting if much of what happens wasn't so shit. Well, it IS exciting really, and I think many of those more adventerous are attracted to that, but in a really dangerous way that can/will badly hurt you.

 

[Stevenski]

Ninae,

You seem experienced & not too naive dealing with the real word of drugs etc. I just worry that you want to see the best in people which is an admirable quality. That same quality exposes you to considerable risk from the manipulators within the scene.

I wish you the best during the adventure called life but this guy will not bring you any good & the warning signs are there.

 

[Jean-Paul]

Well, it IS exciting really, and I think many of those more adventerous are attracted to that, but in a really dangerous way that can/will badly hurt you.

i heard that.

I fell for a guy who even admitted he was a sociopath.

and that.

 

[B1tO'RoughJack]

Seriously there are no such thing as angels angel channellers energy auras or the ability to sense someone nor is the occult magic or palm reading palm lines or in fact anything of what nin has described. This suggests to me nin is in la la land delusional and probably worse perhaps a mental illness.

Oh and people who hear voices are schizophrenic.

You're just very very wrong. Palmistry is a science, and there simply are auras, and the ability to sense the "paranormal" *snip*

mystical beliefs are fine (not my bag but each to their own) but you cannot rely on them for sound judgement

Depends what mystical beliefs they are - angel channeling I am totally sceptical about, but some people do channel other planes of existence - I personally don't agree with people who charge by the hour for this stuff - a donation I think is more apt, but hey - these thinks drain one just like "real work".

I think you need to consciously take a few years off from "falling in love" to redefine what you think love is. How can you seriously believe you love someone when you haven't seen them at their worst and darkest moment? You sound like a prime candidate for codependency and an abusive relationship.

Totally agree - great constructive post.

Ninae - sort out your control over your emotions, and I would also suggest looking into sorting out your dependence on prescription drugs too. For someone who believes in angel channeling you're not being terribly good to your body and mind there are you?

 

[hyroller]

he all but outed himself as a wolf in sheep's clothing.... can't say you weren't warned..

 

[Ninae]

Ninae,

You seem experienced & not too naive dealing with the real word of drugs etc. I just worry that you want to see the best in people which is an admirable quality. That same quality exposes you to considerable risk from the manipulators within the scene.

Yes, but so does he. He comes across like a child, very pure and innocent, and it tugs at the heartstrings. I'm just feeling down about it as I can't really see any way to be with him. I'm not a street-life person, I've alway lived a shielded life and only been a visitor to the scene.

 

[Comrade Kane]

You're just very very wrong. Palmistry is a science, and there simply are auras, and the ability to sense the "paranormal" - you're just ignorant.

Evidence that palmistry is a science? Peer reviewed research from scientists only please. Simply are auras? Well you know what they say that which is claimed without evidence can be dismissed without evidence. The paranormal? I'm ignorant? How do YOU know you are not the ignorant one?

People with delusions never believe they have delusions.

I'm not trying to make this into a supernatural discussion but this whole thing simply points to the credulity of ninea and all the more reason for her NOT to trust that she is mentally in a state to avoid being played scammed whatever and frankly anyone who encourages her like you are with the palmistry auras nonsense is being irresponsable anti-harm-reduction and not helping her whatsoever.

She needs to speak to a therapist and get her addictions under control not post on an Internet forum looking for validation for her choices.

 

[Pagey]

^Once again, please keep the discussion on topic! Feel free to go discuss all this in philosophy & spirituality or something but let's focus on the actual issue at hand here please
Also it's not because someone believes something different than you that they're ignorant. I'm not saying that to anyone in particular but please bear it in mind.

Ninae, I think the fact that he wants you to pay him before giving you the drugs is your answer.

 

[Ninae]

he all but outed himself as a wolf in sheep's clothing.... can't say you weren't warned..

Whatever - he has wonderful lips, golden hair, and amazing arms.

No, seriously, he literally has no money so what are you supposed to do? Even the girl I was with fronted the money for him. At lest he seems better than 99% in the scene (as a person).

 

[Lysis]

Ask him on a date and see what happens. Tell him you high standards, so you want a 5-star restaurant and he has to pay for everything. If he says "Yes," then he's a keeper.

 

[Ninae]

But this is just not realistic when he can't even afford food or drugs and have no fixed place to live. Taking someone out to a restaurant would be the last thing on his mind. I don't care about that crap, anyway, I'd rather buy him a good meal if he needs it. Money doesn't equal love. Have had guys showering money one me and it means nothing to me.

*snip*

 

[Lysis]

How is he giving you drugs if he can't afford drugs?

 

[Ninae]

How is he giving you drugs if he can't afford drugs?

By making deals by being given the money upfront, like anyone without money does.

And that wasn't meant as an expression of xenophebia or to imply you are whores. Just that it's a more materialistic culture and females seem to emphasise that aspect of a relationship with a man more (maybe also because of less material security). At least it's a very obvious difference from European women who never even seem to mention it.

 

[pofacedhoe]

And that wasn't meant as an expression of xenophebia or to imply you are whores.

i think expecting a potential partner to be able to bring something to the table is standard in every culture lol

if they cannot bring something material then they are a drain and no matter how attractive physically that's a big turn off for people who are attracted to options that are good for them.

i'm into people with their shit together. i fancy lots of weirdo's and people who are a mess but would i date them? probably not

 

[Pagey]

By making deals by being given the money upfront, like anyone without money does.

And that wasn't meant as an expression of xenophebia or to imply you are whores. Just that it's a more materialistic culture and females seem to emphasise that aspect of a relationship with a man more (maybe also because of less material security). At least it's a very obvious difference from European women who never even seem to mention it.

Yeah, I'm European and still thought your comment was offensive. Not to mention I find that huge generalisation incredibly inaccurate. It really shouldn't matter what counrty we're from for us to give our opinion, whether you agree with it or not.
Especially since I'm preeeetty sure Lysis was being sarcastic.

 

[Ninae]

Have nothing against Americans, actually, but it's a pretty world-known fact it's one of the most materialistic cultures on Earth (if not the). And I can't count how many times I've heard American women talk about men in those terms, and the dream of the wealthy husband, big house, and affluent lifestyle, etc. which is perplexing to me.

My mother came from a well-to-do family but didn't think twice about marrying a blue-collar guy. She might come to regret it later, and I don't deny there is also some realism of this, but love and a good man also compensates for a lot. I'm also sure many American men would agree and find this attitude offensive to men, which is the equivalent of wanting a woman for her body. That is hurtful to US so maybe that is hurtful to THEM. At least that's how I see it. I just don't like taking money from men and never have as I feel it undermines my love for them, but I suppose there are those who feel different.

Anwyay, didn't mean to offend anyone, and sorry if it was taken that way, just commenting on my observations.

 

[Lysis]

^ Yeah but you're taking it to the extreme opposite: getting involved with a guy who admits to being bad, has no money, no house and is a drug dealer.