iLoveYouWithaKnife
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 30, 2002
- Messages
- 8,351
There was something about him,
the first time I met him.
His smile?
or
Maybe it was the boyish features
that shone through his eyes-
That simple look of innocense.
His words were so fragile
as he shifted his hands around his pockets,
while he was looking for something to say.
It was as though he planned his words-
He just couldn't find that
crumbled piece of paper in his jacket.
I took it upon myself to talk nonsense.
The only thing I knew is that we
went to the same school.
Hell!
I couldn't even remember his name.
So I asked him his major,
and I told him mine.
"I hate that school."
was the reply.
"And so do I," I said.
And that was the end
of that conversation.
I don't recall any other words
we had exchanged on South St.
I don't even really recall any other words
on the car ride to the bar
or the diner
or as we drove back into the city
to go to Space.
But as we sat in the VIP section
I couldn't help but remembering
me smile.
I just felt...
something...
something I hadn't felt in awhile.
I was going to be okay.
And maybe it was the drugs talking that night,
or maybe it was the way he held my hand so tight.
But whatever it was-
was going to carry me
through the following months.
He wanted me to be his girlfriend
but I declined each time.
I really thought I just wanted to be friends,
who hung out every now and again.
So he asked me out a few times,
but I was busy each time.
But he had made a date
for three weeks ahead.
Two days before,
I wanted to cancel.
I think I was intimidated-
or scared-
maybe I was just in awe
at the way he starred
at me.
That I was this hopeless being
who never saw pain-
the way he did.
And you want to know the truth?
Everytime I was around him
I hadn't a problem in the world.
This is the effect HE had on me.
My past was left behind.
Every now and again
His past came back to haunt him.
I could see the hurt in his eyes.
I just wanted to hold him and tell him-
that everything was going to be okay.
....someday....
I was so nervous the day of our second date.
There was this huge party-
and a bunch of us were going.
None that I ever met before.
I spent so long getting ready
Making sure my eyeliner was just right
and that the sparkles would catch the light
in any direction that I was standing.
My one eye had gotten really dry...
from my contacts.
And fell out.
Then the buzzer rang.
I had asked my roommate
to yell out the window
and tell you I'd be down in a second.
I cleaned my contact
fixed my hair
ran down four flights of stairs...
opened the door
and threw my arms around him.
I just couldn't resist.
I was so confused at this point.
I thought I wanted to just be friends.
But when I saw him again...
other feels already started.
Later on that evening-
his roommate was telling me...
"He really likes you Jen."
"Really," I said.
I mean, I knew he liked me
but it was just something about
the way she emphasized her words.
"YES. He Really Does."
I glanced over and watched him
dance for a moment-
"I really like him too."
And again,
maybe it was the pills
or powder
or
the effect of it all
talking.
But the butterflies in my stomach
were fluttering around so much
I was swept off my fucking feet.
So high- so high.
There were months that flew by
that seemed to move too slow.
I recall every moment of them.
We were together everyday.
You could not seperate.
US.
All good things must come to an end...
so they say, and so they did...
Slowly everything fell apart.
I was living further away
And even though sometimes it felt
like we were even less than friends,
I didn't want to let any of it go.
I couldn't do enough though.
To piece any of it back together.
He had a discussion with his roommate.
She told me.
"She loves me so much- and I'm
fucking all of this up!"
Nothing else was spoken about it-
between us ever since.
For a while I was living in our frenzy,
living in these memories
That I just couldn't let go
to die.
Even now, he won't speak to me.
Sometimes I get angry and think
"What the fuck did I EVER do to you!"
But then I think
"Fuck it and FUCK YOU!"
He never deserved me in the first place.
But that's so immature-
to blame someone else for hurt.
Then I remembered that first night-
On South St.
That look of innocense in his eyes.
Then I realized
it wasn't innocense-
it was a look of hurt.
He tried so hard not to let it shine through.
But it got him in the end-
It got us both...
in the end.
The speed limit says 40 mph.
But the spedometer says 67.
The music is blaring and
I'm singing on the top of my lungs.
Trying to forget about this thoughts
that haunt me.
They creep up every now and again
like Hunter Thompson says,
Like the first stages of an acid frenzy.
And I shrug it off because
maybe I shouldn't care anymore.
And maybe really I don't.
But sometimes I need to
race home after work.
And bury myself in four walls
with nothing else but silence
besides the stereo.
the first time I met him.
His smile?
or
Maybe it was the boyish features
that shone through his eyes-
That simple look of innocense.
His words were so fragile
as he shifted his hands around his pockets,
while he was looking for something to say.
It was as though he planned his words-
He just couldn't find that
crumbled piece of paper in his jacket.
I took it upon myself to talk nonsense.
The only thing I knew is that we
went to the same school.
Hell!
I couldn't even remember his name.
So I asked him his major,
and I told him mine.
"I hate that school."
was the reply.
"And so do I," I said.
And that was the end
of that conversation.
I don't recall any other words
we had exchanged on South St.
I don't even really recall any other words
on the car ride to the bar
or the diner
or as we drove back into the city
to go to Space.
But as we sat in the VIP section
I couldn't help but remembering
me smile.
I just felt...
something...
something I hadn't felt in awhile.
I was going to be okay.
And maybe it was the drugs talking that night,
or maybe it was the way he held my hand so tight.
But whatever it was-
was going to carry me
through the following months.
He wanted me to be his girlfriend
but I declined each time.
I really thought I just wanted to be friends,
who hung out every now and again.
So he asked me out a few times,
but I was busy each time.
But he had made a date
for three weeks ahead.
Two days before,
I wanted to cancel.
I think I was intimidated-
or scared-
maybe I was just in awe
at the way he starred
at me.
That I was this hopeless being
who never saw pain-
the way he did.
And you want to know the truth?
Everytime I was around him
I hadn't a problem in the world.
This is the effect HE had on me.
My past was left behind.
Every now and again
His past came back to haunt him.
I could see the hurt in his eyes.
I just wanted to hold him and tell him-
that everything was going to be okay.
....someday....
I was so nervous the day of our second date.
There was this huge party-
and a bunch of us were going.
None that I ever met before.
I spent so long getting ready
Making sure my eyeliner was just right
and that the sparkles would catch the light
in any direction that I was standing.
My one eye had gotten really dry...
from my contacts.
And fell out.
Then the buzzer rang.
I had asked my roommate
to yell out the window
and tell you I'd be down in a second.
I cleaned my contact
fixed my hair
ran down four flights of stairs...
opened the door
and threw my arms around him.
I just couldn't resist.
I was so confused at this point.
I thought I wanted to just be friends.
But when I saw him again...
other feels already started.
Later on that evening-
his roommate was telling me...
"He really likes you Jen."
"Really," I said.
I mean, I knew he liked me
but it was just something about
the way she emphasized her words.
"YES. He Really Does."
I glanced over and watched him
dance for a moment-
"I really like him too."
And again,
maybe it was the pills
or powder
or
the effect of it all
talking.
But the butterflies in my stomach
were fluttering around so much
I was swept off my fucking feet.
So high- so high.
There were months that flew by
that seemed to move too slow.
I recall every moment of them.
We were together everyday.
You could not seperate.
US.
All good things must come to an end...
so they say, and so they did...
Slowly everything fell apart.
I was living further away
And even though sometimes it felt
like we were even less than friends,
I didn't want to let any of it go.
I couldn't do enough though.
To piece any of it back together.
He had a discussion with his roommate.
She told me.
"She loves me so much- and I'm
fucking all of this up!"
Nothing else was spoken about it-
between us ever since.
For a while I was living in our frenzy,
living in these memories
That I just couldn't let go
to die.
Even now, he won't speak to me.
Sometimes I get angry and think
"What the fuck did I EVER do to you!"
But then I think
"Fuck it and FUCK YOU!"
He never deserved me in the first place.
But that's so immature-
to blame someone else for hurt.
Then I remembered that first night-
On South St.
That look of innocense in his eyes.
Then I realized
it wasn't innocense-
it was a look of hurt.
He tried so hard not to let it shine through.
But it got him in the end-
It got us both...
in the end.
The speed limit says 40 mph.
But the spedometer says 67.
The music is blaring and
I'm singing on the top of my lungs.
Trying to forget about this thoughts
that haunt me.
They creep up every now and again
like Hunter Thompson says,
Like the first stages of an acid frenzy.
And I shrug it off because
maybe I shouldn't care anymore.
And maybe really I don't.
But sometimes I need to
race home after work.
And bury myself in four walls
with nothing else but silence
besides the stereo.
Last edited:
or
i don't know which is more apropriate) and secondly it is just really well written. i usually struggle getting through long poems. like any long poem (it's a problem i'm working on), but with this i did not. good stuff.
