I had just a great weekend. Sean doesn't quite understand I'm I'm suddenly so in love with him. We came through the thing with the ex so well. MY ex even said tht he said with me, he didn't love m,he just didn't want me to off myself. That was just meant to hurt me. Sean pointed out that all he wants to do and ever has done is hurt me. Perhaps he decided to leave when he started talking to this new girl. Sean knew that I would chose him over talking to my ex. He acted like he forbid it, which bothered me. I prefer that he talked more like he gave me a choice.
But we communicated and he really opened my eyes. When I talked to my ex he threatened to block me and never talk to me again, even as a friend. I was filled with that fear again. Sean would NEVER do that. Often he will hug me and tell me he is not going anywhere. I actually have come to trust him. I can't even tell you how much that means to me as a person that suffers from BPD. I'm afraid of being abandoned and left. I know he won't give up on me and that is a HUGE step for me. He said that since we are coming up on 3 months for us, and hes coming up on his longest relationship...I can't believe that since he is 27 and all but he says that the women always left him.
Really I can't believe that. He has shown me how wonderful he truly is. I guess I wasn't able to appreciate it until I ran into the asshole of my ex. I realize how good he makes me feel. He is there for me, supports me and makes me feel good about myself. We balance each other. He has come in closer to me and even though he knows I love him and he isn't able to say it....he is very cautious and reserved and feels that it is overused. But when I wake up in the morning next to him and I look into his eyes and he smiles I can see the love in his eyes.
Honestly the scary fight made me appreciate the blessing that I have in him. He says that he is just happy that he makes me happy because it makes him happy that I am happy. Follow that one? lol. He spent the weekend being so sweet and loving and telling me I'm beautiful. He is excited I'm on a new medication that will help me want to eat. I need to get healthy, that is what we are going to call it to avoid negative self talk. He actually covered up up the mirror in my room so that I would quit looking at myself and saying negative things. He said that I need to get healthy and he is excited about how good I will look, but he says I'm already beautiful but I will become even more so. He is right, I need to get healthy.
We had a great weekend even though we woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was a growl bear and was kinda nasty, but I forgave him, even before he said he was sorry. But he told me it wasn't my fault, he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and the stores (we went to get his hair cut and go shopping) didn't carry anything worth shit apparently.
I can't believe I didn't see how blessed I am to have him. We are so good together and we can get through anything. I have finally let go of my ex, through his help. He didn't want to talk about it, he hates him. But he let me talk about how he hurt me AGAIN and how things will work out and I deserve better and I do. I am actually in a healthy relationship and its strange. I'm with someone that cares so much about me. He seeks my best interest no matter what, no his own...like my ex. He doesn't ever abuse me in any way. He rarely says hurtful things in anger. But anyway, I consider myself very self-less and giving, but since he cares about me, I benefit. He can be very logical and that helps me since I'm often so illogical. He is such a blessing. He just somehow knew that I would get better from my mental illness and saw the person I truly am underneath. I believe I am a really good person really. I care so much about people. He says that he just loves to be around me when I'm happy.
I'm so glad the medication worked. I didn't need an anti-depressant, although that was the main issue. I needed a mood stabilizer so I'm not all over the place. I'm sure he is glad I take my meds.
Its funny, we spent the weekend Sat and Sun together and we already miss each other. He wants to see me on Wed. An hour after I left he said he missed me and it was hard to let me go...how sweet is that?!
He even said that he is going to start taking care of his OWI stuff and pay off the fines, without me saying a word about it. Hes keeping his room clean, said he wanted to and it was nice that I didn't even complain. I figured he would eventually, and it has even stayed that way. I'm so happy with just about everything. Plus the sex is just great. We have gotten in the habit of shared showers. Really there is nothing more sensual and nice than having him wash me down. Although after shower sex negates it a bit. lol But oh well. He can make love to me or get wild. He just feeds off my energy. I was worried that when I left my ex that sex wouldn't be good, actually its better.
Oh I can't believe I put up with the ex. I'm so over that. Sean treats me SO SO SO much better and I'm so thankful. He just says that he is glad I'm so happy when he is just being himself and I love him for the way he is.
**went to get ready for bed**
So if I repeat myself that is why.. lol
Idk Sean makes me feel good and then that goes into everything else in my life and I kinda wanna take care of myself more. He says once I get healthier he is going to have to beat guys off with a stick. It kinda worries me because I don't want attention from guys really. I've been stalked a few times in my life but I can't let that rule my life, I guess. My ex was always trying to change me, don't wear that, don't wear that make-up, what is up with that outfit? Sean will tell me the looks he likes and often ones I like the most but I don't HAVE to be like that. I even feel comfortable not wearing make up or anything. And he WANTS to give me affection, with my ex I often had to plead for it and often be told I'm smothering him. Now I can do that with Sean, but he does show that he WANTS to be close to me. Plus my ex would kick me out when he got tired of me, even when I had moved in after he asked me he kicked me out because "I was around too much." Hello I live there. Sean can spend days with me at a time and not be tired of me. So this is what a healthy relationship is like, I LOVE IT! I deserve it. My ex treated me like shit. I had to always give in to what he wanted in fear, Sean gets upset if I cower in the corner and give into everything. He wants me to get my needs me and be assertive. Isn't that wonderful. I know it may seem strange to some that I think this is so great huh?
He will be moving at some point to his brother's. It will be a change not living with his parents. Although they like me and mine like him so us staying the night together doesn't bother them. I can't believe we have only been together 3 months on the 16th of this month. It just feels right. It feels like a lot longer. Often it feels like we live together on a trial period, and it will be even more so when he moves because we will be alone more, I can be there more and we will need to g shopping and do laundry and dishes together. I don't mind, I'm a good gf.
We talked on the phone the other night and I helped him find stuff on the Resident Evil 5 game. it was fun, plus I made him brownies, which he LOVED. I earned our local radio station's Monday morning man card for being such an awesome gf. Video games, food and sex, what else could you want? Sean said nothing.
But we communicated and he really opened my eyes. When I talked to my ex he threatened to block me and never talk to me again, even as a friend. I was filled with that fear again. Sean would NEVER do that. Often he will hug me and tell me he is not going anywhere. I actually have come to trust him. I can't even tell you how much that means to me as a person that suffers from BPD. I'm afraid of being abandoned and left. I know he won't give up on me and that is a HUGE step for me. He said that since we are coming up on 3 months for us, and hes coming up on his longest relationship...I can't believe that since he is 27 and all but he says that the women always left him.
Really I can't believe that. He has shown me how wonderful he truly is. I guess I wasn't able to appreciate it until I ran into the asshole of my ex. I realize how good he makes me feel. He is there for me, supports me and makes me feel good about myself. We balance each other. He has come in closer to me and even though he knows I love him and he isn't able to say it....he is very cautious and reserved and feels that it is overused. But when I wake up in the morning next to him and I look into his eyes and he smiles I can see the love in his eyes.
Honestly the scary fight made me appreciate the blessing that I have in him. He says that he is just happy that he makes me happy because it makes him happy that I am happy. Follow that one? lol. He spent the weekend being so sweet and loving and telling me I'm beautiful. He is excited I'm on a new medication that will help me want to eat. I need to get healthy, that is what we are going to call it to avoid negative self talk. He actually covered up up the mirror in my room so that I would quit looking at myself and saying negative things. He said that I need to get healthy and he is excited about how good I will look, but he says I'm already beautiful but I will become even more so. He is right, I need to get healthy.
We had a great weekend even though we woke up on the wrong side of the bed and was a growl bear and was kinda nasty, but I forgave him, even before he said he was sorry. But he told me it wasn't my fault, he woke up on the wrong side of the bed and the stores (we went to get his hair cut and go shopping) didn't carry anything worth shit apparently.
I can't believe I didn't see how blessed I am to have him. We are so good together and we can get through anything. I have finally let go of my ex, through his help. He didn't want to talk about it, he hates him. But he let me talk about how he hurt me AGAIN and how things will work out and I deserve better and I do. I am actually in a healthy relationship and its strange. I'm with someone that cares so much about me. He seeks my best interest no matter what, no his own...like my ex. He doesn't ever abuse me in any way. He rarely says hurtful things in anger. But anyway, I consider myself very self-less and giving, but since he cares about me, I benefit. He can be very logical and that helps me since I'm often so illogical. He is such a blessing. He just somehow knew that I would get better from my mental illness and saw the person I truly am underneath. I believe I am a really good person really. I care so much about people. He says that he just loves to be around me when I'm happy.
I'm so glad the medication worked. I didn't need an anti-depressant, although that was the main issue. I needed a mood stabilizer so I'm not all over the place. I'm sure he is glad I take my meds.
Its funny, we spent the weekend Sat and Sun together and we already miss each other. He wants to see me on Wed. An hour after I left he said he missed me and it was hard to let me go...how sweet is that?!
He even said that he is going to start taking care of his OWI stuff and pay off the fines, without me saying a word about it. Hes keeping his room clean, said he wanted to and it was nice that I didn't even complain. I figured he would eventually, and it has even stayed that way. I'm so happy with just about everything. Plus the sex is just great. We have gotten in the habit of shared showers. Really there is nothing more sensual and nice than having him wash me down. Although after shower sex negates it a bit. lol But oh well. He can make love to me or get wild. He just feeds off my energy. I was worried that when I left my ex that sex wouldn't be good, actually its better.
Oh I can't believe I put up with the ex. I'm so over that. Sean treats me SO SO SO much better and I'm so thankful. He just says that he is glad I'm so happy when he is just being himself and I love him for the way he is.
**went to get ready for bed**
So if I repeat myself that is why.. lol
Idk Sean makes me feel good and then that goes into everything else in my life and I kinda wanna take care of myself more. He says once I get healthier he is going to have to beat guys off with a stick. It kinda worries me because I don't want attention from guys really. I've been stalked a few times in my life but I can't let that rule my life, I guess. My ex was always trying to change me, don't wear that, don't wear that make-up, what is up with that outfit? Sean will tell me the looks he likes and often ones I like the most but I don't HAVE to be like that. I even feel comfortable not wearing make up or anything. And he WANTS to give me affection, with my ex I often had to plead for it and often be told I'm smothering him. Now I can do that with Sean, but he does show that he WANTS to be close to me. Plus my ex would kick me out when he got tired of me, even when I had moved in after he asked me he kicked me out because "I was around too much." Hello I live there. Sean can spend days with me at a time and not be tired of me. So this is what a healthy relationship is like, I LOVE IT! I deserve it. My ex treated me like shit. I had to always give in to what he wanted in fear, Sean gets upset if I cower in the corner and give into everything. He wants me to get my needs me and be assertive. Isn't that wonderful. I know it may seem strange to some that I think this is so great huh?
He will be moving at some point to his brother's. It will be a change not living with his parents. Although they like me and mine like him so us staying the night together doesn't bother them. I can't believe we have only been together 3 months on the 16th of this month. It just feels right. It feels like a lot longer. Often it feels like we live together on a trial period, and it will be even more so when he moves because we will be alone more, I can be there more and we will need to g shopping and do laundry and dishes together. I don't mind, I'm a good gf.
We talked on the phone the other night and I helped him find stuff on the Resident Evil 5 game. it was fun, plus I made him brownies, which he LOVED. I earned our local radio station's Monday morning man card for being such an awesome gf. Video games, food and sex, what else could you want? Sean said nothing.