i wrote this directed at you in another thread, but see that you have a thread about yourself here.
Most of below is directed mainly at benzo use, but also can apply to opioid use.
If you are going to use benzos for anxiety stop trying to abuse them. You will never get the desired results because one, your building a tolerance, two they become less effective over time especially at higher doses, three your expecting some sort of high like effect (when your prescribed benzos, your not supposed to feel high, nor are they supposed to completely take away all the care in the world). If you actually want your benzos to work for you, STOP ABUSING THEM, SEE A THERAPIST TO WORK THROUGH YOUR ANXIETY, STOP EXPECTING ANY SORT OF HIGH FOR THERAPEUTIC DOSES. Seriously, go speak with a therapist every week to work through your anxiety so you don't need any drugs anymore (if you are on drugs for mental problems ALWAYS see a therapist - drugs don't fix anything, therapists do), eat well (make a food diary and make yourself eat healthy), keep a steady sleeping schedule (wake up the same time everyday, go to bed the same time everday), go out and get exercise (start off doing it twice a week for 15-30 mins, then start progressing when you can handle it).
You will never get over your problems if you keep relying on drugs to help you out. Drugs don't fix a damn thing in the world (in terms of psychiatric shit in most cases like this). They are a bandaid and what happens with alot of bandaids? they fall off and don't do their job anymore. Benzos and opioids work like this. Find a way to deal will your problems by speaking to a therapist, not a psychiatrist who just wants to pump you full of medication. I've managed to get over 75% of my anxiety issues within 6 months of talking to a therapist, and if I was just taking a benzo, I'd still have that anxiety. IF I stopped the benzo, I'd actually be left with worse anxiety than before. Benzos should be taken only in the most severe cases, or for short term.
The key to overcoming or dealing with most mental disorders (I know not all are alike, but for a good portion of self-medicators this applies) -
-Find a therapist that you can open up to. The first one you try, may not be the one for you, so you need to find one that fits your personality. Also be willing to do the work. You can't go into a session expecting it to heal you, you need to go in work within the session, get out in the real world and apply what you've learned with in the sessions.
-If drugs are recommend, ask why, dig into why they seem like they are on the table. See if its possible to try and work through issues with out them, but if they are needed, make sure you use them in conjunction with regular therapy, so you can work through the underlying issues. Try to spend as little time as possible on the medication, so you can fully use the skills you learned/worked on in the real world to over come your problems
-Start a sleep schedule - Make bed times for yourself (its not something that only kids should have, it is what helps adults be healthy). Wake up in the morning (not the afternoon, so you get the most out of the day, the sun is good for you), go to bed not real late at night and roughly the same time everyday (8-9 hours is what you should aim for. People claim they can do fine with less, but I bet half if not more of those folks are BSing and could do better with more sleep)
-Start a eating diary, so you can examine what types of food you put in yourself everyday. Then you can adjust how you eat, so you can make sure you get 4-5 periods of food consumption. Make sure the foods you choose to eat are not junk food, but fruit, veggies, the right amount of carbs, fat, dairy, etc. You can better plan your trips to the grocery store. This alone will make you feel 100x better than you normally do.
-Start working out. If that means going out on a run/walk for 15mins twice a week, then thats a start. Keep a journal to view your progress. Start increasing the number of days you exercise, ie go up to 3 days a week, then to 4. You might get to the point that exercising becomes something you look forward to everyday because it makes you feel confident, makes you less tired through out the day, turns the heads of women or men, etc.
-Find hobbies out side of doing drugs. Anything will do. Build chairs, learn how to solder PC boards to create cool sound machines, find buddies to play soccer, try your hand at skateboarding, etc. It really doesn't matter.
You don't have to do everything at once, but slowly work up to the point where your able to do all these little things and I promise you, you wont have any anxiety. You'll feel damn good about yourself, you'll start to get to the goals that you've had set for years but never been able to reach.
You basically just need to get off all drugs besides non-narcotic pain killers to help with your pain, use physical therapy techniques to strengthen the body parts that hurt so you can find good ways to exercise with out hurting them. Drugs are dragging you down, and are going to continue to fuck your life up. Your still real young so, don't keep down this path of destructive drug use, quit now.
and i don't know what the fuck to do.
