Everyday is just a little worse then the last. I have a pile of SSRIs all lined up on my night stand inviting me too eat them all at once. A cry for help. A week in the phych ward followed by no one giving a fuck still. Don't get me wrong my parents try. I just cant help myself. Everyone would be better off if I was dead or not involved in there life. I just need to find the courage to kill myself. I have been told that I will feel much better after a make a final decision on death. All the worries and doubts will drift away and I will feel at peace with the absolute meaningless of this world. I hope that is true.
Something you have in your favor is that you're aware of many of the things that are hurting you. You are examining yourself, writing about what hurt you, and getting it out of your system. By doing that, you're processing and making progress. It's painful, but I believe it leads to serenity. .
Edit: I'm sure you know depression is an illness. I hope this doesn't sound trite or shallow. It's not something one should feel guilty about. Most thinking people probably suffer from some form of it, especially if it's "existential depression" or "Baudelairian spleen." The smarter you are, the worse it can be. You can literally think yourself into a depression. I don't know if it ever goes away, but it's more a matter of accepting it and dealing with it. For some people, dealing with it is a matter of training yourself to look at life differently.
Other kinds of depression can be intense and keep you in bed for days at a time. Obviously, that's dangerous. I realize you're already doing everythign you can - talking to a psychologist and taking medication. Positive psychology is a new field of psychology being used professionally, and it helps a lot of people.
Edit: I'm sure you know depression is an illness. I hope this doesn't sound trite or shallow. It's not something one should feel guilty about. Most thinking people probably suffer from some form of it, especially if it's "existential depression" or "Baudelairian spleen." The smarter you are, the worse it can be. You can literally think yourself into a depression. I don't know if it ever goes away, but it's more a matter of accepting it and dealing with it. For some people, dealing with it is a matter of training yourself to look at life differently.
Other kinds of depression can be intense and keep you in bed for days at a time. Obviously, that's dangerous. I realize you're already doing everythign you can - talking to a psychologist and taking medication. Positive psychology is a new field of psychology being used professionally, and it helps a lot of people.
Last edited:
cj, don't suffer the illusion that everyone will be better off without you. Life with my son was often scary, often depressing, often chaotic. It was also often joyful, frequently mind-blowing and always s important to me as my own breath. I know your parents feel the same. Please hang in there and keep trying new ways to find peace in your head and in your life. Keep it simple and in the here and now. (((
))) I care about you very much my young friend and I would not be better off without you.
))) I care about you very much my young friend and I would not be better off without you.Thinking of you. Happy Thanksgiving if you celebrate.
When did they release you crom psych? I've been more than once. It's no picnic. My parents never really got it, either.
What psych meds meds are you on? I hope tomorrow is better. How are the suicidal ideations? Stay safe. Don't go.
Im here to support you and I'm subscribing to your blog. You aren't alone!
Rainy
When did they release you crom psych? I've been more than once. It's no picnic. My parents never really got it, either.
What psych meds meds are you on? I hope tomorrow is better. How are the suicidal ideations? Stay safe. Don't go.
Im here to support you and I'm subscribing to your blog. You aren't alone!
Rainy
What's up crimson, was gonna send you a pm but bl wouldn't let me for some reason, I'll have to check into that. I gave up rather quickly tbh
The last time I remember reading some of your posts it seemed like you were doing relatively good IIRC.
I feel the same way you do sometimes after an Eagles loss tbh, although the Vikings lost today and we have their 1st round draft pick this year so that's a plus.
Anywho... just seeing what's good. Always feels good to have someone respond to your blog.
Keep your head up man you have a lot of potential you just have to harness it into something productive and positive sometimes. Not saying nobody has bad days, just remember bad days make you appreciate good days
Idk that's a pretty cliche line and I'm pretty sure it was in a 50 Cent lyric to some degree but it's true
Shim
The last time I remember reading some of your posts it seemed like you were doing relatively good IIRC.
I feel the same way you do sometimes after an Eagles loss tbh, although the Vikings lost today and we have their 1st round draft pick this year so that's a plus.
Anywho... just seeing what's good. Always feels good to have someone respond to your blog.
Keep your head up man you have a lot of potential you just have to harness it into something productive and positive sometimes. Not saying nobody has bad days, just remember bad days make you appreciate good days
Idk that's a pretty cliche line and I'm pretty sure it was in a 50 Cent lyric to some degree but it's true
Shim
Thanks subotai. I was doing pretty good for awhile and I still am in some ways. I haven't done heroin in over a year for instance. On other fronts I am doing terrible though. I am addicted to Xanax right now and that really sucks. I just feel this sense of defeat that I cant really shake. Anyway its good hearing from you man ill clear my inbox for PMs and see if that's the problem.
That loss Monday night hurt man. I really hate the fucking packers. We probably wont make the playoffs this year but I do think Wentz is a long term answer at qb. Having a franchise qb is everything.
That loss Monday night hurt man. I really hate the fucking packers. We probably wont make the playoffs this year but I do think Wentz is a long term answer at qb. Having a franchise qb is everything.