Slightly disturbing poetry

[Guitar_Dean]

An Unsuccessful Relationship

He lies
under the now red sheets,

Gasping for breath,
cock still erect,

and staring bewilderedly
at the beautiful nameless blonde
who was only seconds ago straddling on top of him.

She smiles,
the same sweet smile that first brought him to her hotel room
as she pulls the dagger out from his chest.


This was heartbreak inspired I don't really like the title that much, but have yet managed to come up with anything better. Oh well.

I'll definitely post a few more later on. I have quite a few more heartbreak and depression inspired poems, and some erooooootica short stories Gotta run right now.

 

[New]

disturbing. could be a little longer. I do like it, though.

 

[a100unitSHOT]

An Unsuccessful Relationship
I don't really like the title that much, but have yet managed to come up with anything better. Oh well.

What about something like... "The End of a Tragedy"... or .... "Putting Him (or it) to Bed" ... I don't know... like a play on words. Like "The End of a Tragedy" would be ironic, because one would think the murder was the tragedy, but The End of a Tragedy implies that the relationship was the tragedy, not the murder itself, and that's how she ended it.... Get it?

I like it though, but yeah, could be longer. Like maybe what she does when he dies or how she leaves him to die?

 

[Pillthrill]

Yeah, I would like to see it given a little more...background or something. Leaves me wanting more.

 

[(Wordy)]

Ditto. I think you should expand this. And agree that the title isn't quite there (needs to be more subtle, perhaps?).

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

Hot. I agree with everyone. Moar!