Hi there,
Growing up (late teens) i've done my fair share of experimenting with Mdma, charlie, mephodrone, ket and then alot of weed and alcohol. It was all in dribs and drabs until last year i decided to go overboard and just constantly get myself fucked up. It wasn't pretty, most nights i didn't know what i had done, woke up in hospital one time and still to this day have no idea what happened. Anyway since 2013 i've been clear, besides drinking and weed. I still feel like i'm recovering from my antics last year, combined with other bad habits such as lack of sleep. Until recently i blamed it all on the drugs but we are half way through 2013 and then it hit me...
The reason why i went over the top last year was i wasn't happy with life (i didn't realise this at the time), so i pretty much put my head in the sand and just lived for getting messy and them nights out. I messed up alot of oppertunities within that year but i didn't care, i had my escape mechanism.
Obviously the drugs have impacted my life in a sense, but i feel like they have just amplified habits and other personality traits i had before. People think i'm Mr Confident but it's all an act, i'm so socially anxious right now it's insane. Even walking places seems like a mission, my legs turn to jelly. Now i didn't have this before, but i did have anxious thoughts but now it affects my general life it's horrible. See what i mean by how it could have amplified stuff?
Anyway moving onto the main points such as my lack of ambition, moments of self loathing, lack of empathy for others and my obvious lack of happiness. I believe i am depressed. That's the first time i've properly said that. I'm also a paranoid mess when i smoke weed now, it sucks. Sometimes i wonder whether i'd be happier if i never touched any of these drugs, but i've got to accept my position and learn from it. My point of this post is
a) It's nice to get that shit off my chest
b) I'd like an outside opinion, my thoughts are so clogged and it's only recently i realised the true reasons behind what i've done
c) I want to steer clear of any tablets to help depression. I need to do this naturally. I'm thinking eat right, sleep right and try pursue some hobbies. See where it all takes me. Thoughts on that approach? oh and stop smoking weed!
Growing up (late teens) i've done my fair share of experimenting with Mdma, charlie, mephodrone, ket and then alot of weed and alcohol. It was all in dribs and drabs until last year i decided to go overboard and just constantly get myself fucked up. It wasn't pretty, most nights i didn't know what i had done, woke up in hospital one time and still to this day have no idea what happened. Anyway since 2013 i've been clear, besides drinking and weed. I still feel like i'm recovering from my antics last year, combined with other bad habits such as lack of sleep. Until recently i blamed it all on the drugs but we are half way through 2013 and then it hit me...
The reason why i went over the top last year was i wasn't happy with life (i didn't realise this at the time), so i pretty much put my head in the sand and just lived for getting messy and them nights out. I messed up alot of oppertunities within that year but i didn't care, i had my escape mechanism.
Obviously the drugs have impacted my life in a sense, but i feel like they have just amplified habits and other personality traits i had before. People think i'm Mr Confident but it's all an act, i'm so socially anxious right now it's insane. Even walking places seems like a mission, my legs turn to jelly. Now i didn't have this before, but i did have anxious thoughts but now it affects my general life it's horrible. See what i mean by how it could have amplified stuff?
Anyway moving onto the main points such as my lack of ambition, moments of self loathing, lack of empathy for others and my obvious lack of happiness. I believe i am depressed. That's the first time i've properly said that. I'm also a paranoid mess when i smoke weed now, it sucks. Sometimes i wonder whether i'd be happier if i never touched any of these drugs, but i've got to accept my position and learn from it. My point of this post is
a) It's nice to get that shit off my chest
b) I'd like an outside opinion, my thoughts are so clogged and it's only recently i realised the true reasons behind what i've done
c) I want to steer clear of any tablets to help depression. I need to do this naturally. I'm thinking eat right, sleep right and try pursue some hobbies. See where it all takes me. Thoughts on that approach? oh and stop smoking weed!
