Didn't get high yesterday (with the exception of weed, cuervo and beer). Didn't get high today (with the exception of beer).
So now the insomnia begins. I take a shitload of otc sleep aids (I forget the active ingredient, diptha-something). That shit doesn't work very well and the next day I'm all de-energized to the point of walking being to active.
I saw 'M' again tonight. I miss her being in my life but I'm afraid I may have fucked my brain up a little too much. I guess only time will tell. I find myself incapable of doing simple, daily routines. Sleep is all I want. I don't have to think when I'm sleeping. The days go by much easier if you sleep them away.
I wish I was better looking. Its petty, but 'M' should be with one of those good lookin guys. I say this because the dude she slept with recently is apparently 'physically attractive'. I mentioned before that I would like to be someone's 'ideal'. I'm still not sure if I will ever be hers.
I find myself gravitating towards violence. I think I want to hurt someone simply because I hurt. I can't wait for someone to fuck with me but they seem to never want to. I can simply just wait for it.
I dunno. I want to sleep but can't. I guess I need to pound some beers in order to achieve this simple goal.
There will probably be a few blogs from me in the future that may not make sense. The emotions always bum rush me when I stop getting high. Ill need to use these blogs to help deal with them.
WTF!?!? I got a fuckin' tear comin from my eye. I'm not thinking or writing anything sad so what gives? This is gonna be hard. Fuck me! Everytime with this bullshit? I don't get it.
Do I take the chance and pursue 'M'? She says there is hope for us but we both need to do a lot of work on ourselves. She's worth it but will I ever be her ideal?
I'm a garbage head. Will I ever stop ingesting whatever I get my hands on? I think so. But when I become the 'true me' I'm hoping that 'me' is a good person.
I want sleep
So now the insomnia begins. I take a shitload of otc sleep aids (I forget the active ingredient, diptha-something). That shit doesn't work very well and the next day I'm all de-energized to the point of walking being to active.
I saw 'M' again tonight. I miss her being in my life but I'm afraid I may have fucked my brain up a little too much. I guess only time will tell. I find myself incapable of doing simple, daily routines. Sleep is all I want. I don't have to think when I'm sleeping. The days go by much easier if you sleep them away.
I wish I was better looking. Its petty, but 'M' should be with one of those good lookin guys. I say this because the dude she slept with recently is apparently 'physically attractive'. I mentioned before that I would like to be someone's 'ideal'. I'm still not sure if I will ever be hers.
I find myself gravitating towards violence. I think I want to hurt someone simply because I hurt. I can't wait for someone to fuck with me but they seem to never want to. I can simply just wait for it.
I dunno. I want to sleep but can't. I guess I need to pound some beers in order to achieve this simple goal.
There will probably be a few blogs from me in the future that may not make sense. The emotions always bum rush me when I stop getting high. Ill need to use these blogs to help deal with them.
WTF!?!? I got a fuckin' tear comin from my eye. I'm not thinking or writing anything sad so what gives? This is gonna be hard. Fuck me! Everytime with this bullshit? I don't get it.
Do I take the chance and pursue 'M'? She says there is hope for us but we both need to do a lot of work on ourselves. She's worth it but will I ever be her ideal?
I'm a garbage head. Will I ever stop ingesting whatever I get my hands on? I think so. But when I become the 'true me' I'm hoping that 'me' is a good person.
I want sleep
)