• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

Sleep with Angels, indigoizzo

I posted this elsewhere as well, but figured I'd drop it in here as well just to mention how appreciative I have been for everyone's kind words and support:

I'd like to thank everybody for reaching out to me over the past couple weeks. It has been a very difficult time. In reaction I have thrown myself as deeply into my harm reduction work and music as I can, to distract myself from my emotions. I think about Sasha the moment I wake up in the morning, until the second I fall asleep at night. I can't help it.

I have so many conflicting feelings about it. Everyone knows I'm a very open person regarding my life and my experiences. But Sasha was not. She was a very private person. It feels very wrong to even be speaking of her this way, but I have to now come to terms that it's just me here now, and that's one of the hardest things I've ever had to do. Sure, we fought. We broke up very shortly before she passed. That was painful enough. But we also shared the most beautiful intimate moments together, moments I will keep with me and cherish for the rest of my life. This past year was not easy, for anyone, but in the end, it might have been the best year of my life. I truly grew, and she helped me every step of the way.
I was wildly head over heels in love with her, and had been for years. I will not let the grief and regret of losing her eat me alive, or her death will have been in vain. I have to recognize that she is at peace now, and I have to respect that, because all along, I only wanted to take her pain away.

I have done what I can to write a eulogy that I can only hope will help people understand Sasha as she was. I can only hope it will help comfort people through this trying, tragic time. I am terrified to deliver it.

Anyway, before I say too much (lord knows I already have) thank you all for your love and support. If I seemed distant or short it's because I've truly been at a loss trying to comprehend this. This is my little update to you. I am good. I am trying. I am living. That's the best I have at the moment, and that's fine.

Sending you all my love,
J
 
I know you will come through this stronger than you were before but trust me that it will take time.
I lost a boyfriend to a drunken drive south on the northbound lanes of the freeway several years ago. I take comfort in the fact that it was instantaneous for him. I thought about him all the time for the first 2 years, but then, as I dated others, I thought of him less, and now it’s about once a week. He was an amazing and interesting guy. But God had other plans for him. That’s what I’ve always told myself…maybe thinking this way will help you, too.
 
Fiori di Bella said:
I know you will come through this stronger than you were before but trust me that it will take time.
I lost a boyfriend to a drunken drive south on the northbound lanes of the freeway several years ago. I take comfort in the fact that it was instantaneous for him. I thought about him all the time for the first 2 years, but then, as I dated others, I thought of him less, and now it’s about once a week. He was an amazing and interesting guy. But God had other plans for him. That’s what I’ve always told myself…maybe thinking this way will help you, too.
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That's how I lost my father when I was young. Thank you Bella, hopefully it works like that.

Arnold said:
I'm so sorry for your loss.

May she RIP.
<3
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Thank you Arnold.

Today is her funeral. Everything just hit me all at once this AM.

It feels selfish, but like, my first wife, who I was with for 11 years, left me, and my first serious relationship afterwards, she dies 3 weeks after we break up.

It's just hard and I'm asking myself what's wrong with me? Idk I already broke down this morning.
 
I haven't been to the shrine in a long time, as I am afraid to come here... beautiful tribute, man. I'm so sorry for your loss. <3
 
deficiT said:
Sasha's tiktok account was inexplicably banned and all of her content erased there. So, I mournfully made her a neat little thoughtful collage and monologue and posted it.


And then thiiiiiiisssssss was my response after being blasted with 45 random account suggestions to get the account unbanned without a single rip or condolence.

Now THIS is quality entertainment!

Click to expand...

:(<3👍🙏💪
 
deficiT said:
Sasha's tiktok account was inexplicably banned and all of her content erased there. So, I mournfully made her a neat little thoughtful collage and monologue and posted it.


And then thiiiiiiisssssss was my response after being blasted with 45 random account suggestions to get the account unbanned without a single rip or condolence.

Now THIS is quality entertainment!

Click to expand...

Tiktok is a sociopath/pure narcissism alien meetspot aka "notice me" 100%. Dont take that site seriously. all those morons care about is views, literally.
 
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For my dear Sasha, who I've been thinking of a lot recently, on Black Bluelight Day.



Be at peace, daughter of the fire and water, you were ice cream mixed with gasoline, enjoy The Other Side of Paradise, Indigo Izzo
 


She would listen to this song so much, probably 50k of the views on YouTube were from her alone. I learned the chords and we'd sing it together. Playing it today feels a lot more empty.
 
She is definitely going to kick my ass for being a fucking sappy cornball the past year or two
 
It has now been two years since losing you, and the anniversary passed me by completely unaware as I continue trying to cobble together the pile of rubble my life fell into.

A year ago, I had lost the will to continue. The difference between that year and this year could not be more stark. Today I am moving forward the best I can, and I feel I am healing some. I quit drinking finally. I wish you were here to see the person I'm becoming, you got the chopped and screwed version of me, and for that I do feel guilty.

I'm optimistic for the future and I almost feel like I'm ready to love someone again. It hasn't been easy, but I am grateful for the gift of life that you gave me. You are never far from my thoughts, and your face still lights up my mind a couple times a day.



Your mother completed and released this song and she dedicated it to you. You named the song yourself.



I love and miss you greatly Sasha
 
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Her eyes radiate peacefulness, I cannot imagine a person like her to be passing at such a young age. RIP
 
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