Whoa ha what a fuckin day today. After I got up I headed on down to Pasadena for another Reiki treatment. When I got there I had a horrific headache and she had me lie down on a table and put her palms against my head and ear for about 20 minutes. I felt it decrease, then subside altogether. She said she felt it was a very intense headache for me, which it was. She spent the rest of the time over my body, then paid special attention to my chest where my heart was. She said, "I'm releasing smoke. You were close to a man that smoked alot." That was weird. It has been a long while since I had anything to do with love or romance, but the most recent men I cared for were Scott and Erik. Scott had been my drug dealer. He was very good looking and very charming, plus he was gifted at fixing things around the house as well as cars. When I had a problem like that I went to Scott. Without meaning to, I fell in love with him. He was always very kind to me, but he had fallen head over heels with Vanessa, another meth head. I was heartbroken, but shortly after that Erik came down.
I got all wrapped up in the drug addict lifestyle and with Erik, so my pain over Scott subsided, though I remained friendly over him. What's the sense in throwing love after someone that doesn't love you the same way? Well all of us were messed up on drugs, all of us were fucked financially. Eventually Erik left to make money elsewhere, I lost my apartment, and Scott went to jail. That was all so long ago, but the lady said I had energy trapped there in my heart. I really thought I had made my peace with it, but after the session as I was talking to her, all of a sudden I felt really sad. Good Lord what is going on with me? She explained that tears would come, although the last thing I wanted was to do it in her office. I came home, put on a meditation CD that she sold me, then the tears came. Last I heard, Scott went off to another drug diversion/sober living program and Erik, well I've maintained a closer contact with Erik, though always from a distance.
After all that, I decided to get off my ass and make the dreaded phone call to my brother Ed as the 9th Step in NA suggests. I really was putting this off, not because they won't forgive me,but because I didn't want to give them another chance to slap me in the face. Well I called Ed and his wife answered. No I couldn't talk to him cause he was in the shower, she said. Ok could I have the address of my sister please? No she would not give it to me because, "We are not Alice (Ed's mother) and we won't give out information without asking the other person first." Fucking ouch. "Ed got your letter. And we gave RJ your information." "You did?," I asked. I honestly wasn't expecting that. "Yes if she wants to get in touch with you she will, but she has the choice not to." LOL. Slap. "OK, " I said. "Look. This is what I want to do. I want to write her a letter, so would it be alright then if I send it to you to forward to her, and to Tony (biological dad)?" "Ok," she said. I left my number for Ed. End of conversation.
Obviously she was pissed that Alice, my bro's Mom gave their phone number and address to me. Christ I'm his fucking sister. This is the second time that I was treated very rudely by Ed's wife on the phone. Fucking Diane, my aunt and cousin Trish must have really said I was this rotten psycho bitch or something, I don't know, but I've never even met Ed's wife. Whatever. I really don't want Tony and RJ in my life, but just to send the fucking letters so I can be done with Step 9 and move on. I wish I could have spoken to Ed, but his wife seems very controlling. God what a bunch of assholes. I'm upset and I wish I knew what the hell he was thinking, but that's it. I'm done with the fucking Tarantinos.
I got all wrapped up in the drug addict lifestyle and with Erik, so my pain over Scott subsided, though I remained friendly over him. What's the sense in throwing love after someone that doesn't love you the same way? Well all of us were messed up on drugs, all of us were fucked financially. Eventually Erik left to make money elsewhere, I lost my apartment, and Scott went to jail. That was all so long ago, but the lady said I had energy trapped there in my heart. I really thought I had made my peace with it, but after the session as I was talking to her, all of a sudden I felt really sad. Good Lord what is going on with me? She explained that tears would come, although the last thing I wanted was to do it in her office. I came home, put on a meditation CD that she sold me, then the tears came. Last I heard, Scott went off to another drug diversion/sober living program and Erik, well I've maintained a closer contact with Erik, though always from a distance.
After all that, I decided to get off my ass and make the dreaded phone call to my brother Ed as the 9th Step in NA suggests. I really was putting this off, not because they won't forgive me,but because I didn't want to give them another chance to slap me in the face. Well I called Ed and his wife answered. No I couldn't talk to him cause he was in the shower, she said. Ok could I have the address of my sister please? No she would not give it to me because, "We are not Alice (Ed's mother) and we won't give out information without asking the other person first." Fucking ouch. "Ed got your letter. And we gave RJ your information." "You did?," I asked. I honestly wasn't expecting that. "Yes if she wants to get in touch with you she will, but she has the choice not to." LOL. Slap. "OK, " I said. "Look. This is what I want to do. I want to write her a letter, so would it be alright then if I send it to you to forward to her, and to Tony (biological dad)?" "Ok," she said. I left my number for Ed. End of conversation.
Obviously she was pissed that Alice, my bro's Mom gave their phone number and address to me. Christ I'm his fucking sister. This is the second time that I was treated very rudely by Ed's wife on the phone. Fucking Diane, my aunt and cousin Trish must have really said I was this rotten psycho bitch or something, I don't know, but I've never even met Ed's wife. Whatever. I really don't want Tony and RJ in my life, but just to send the fucking letters so I can be done with Step 9 and move on. I wish I could have spoken to Ed, but his wife seems very controlling. God what a bunch of assholes. I'm upset and I wish I knew what the hell he was thinking, but that's it. I'm done with the fucking Tarantinos.