Sketchy Territory

[weldonarchus]

Bit of a drunken ramble here, excuse me if it's a little difficult to connect the threads.

38yo M. Nearly two years off meth, still buying coke in binges. Ridiculously expensive where I live and I make minimum wage, = 1/2 weekly paycheque for 1g. Shitty situation. The seller uses younger good looking girls as the plug. First two deals were fine, next one- sold me straight up baby powder. Same old story- 'I'll talk to my dealer and get back to you', then ghosted.
Tried to lean on her a bit to pay me back. Told her I knew where she lived, etc. No reply. Was really salty about being $500 out of pocket, as I'm effectively broke. Just wanted my money back.
Her dealer/pimp started messaging me with personal info about myself in retaliation. Realised I got in too deep, that I wasn't quite ready to crash out over $500.
I hate human viruses, junkie thieves. You know that style of meth hustle, where you can smell the theft on them. Might be good people deep down, but even as a user I can't relate to them. Makes me want to crash out and make an example of one.

My point is, this is how I got off meth. I got ripped off twice in a row and I was done. In hindsight, it was a blessing. Maybe I can get out while I can.
Meth was easier because the comedown was rough on body and mind. Coke is harder to kick because the comedown isn't as harsh. Regardless of the financial price.

Problem is, the rest of my life is in shambles and I have all these alcohol/drug habits to get me through hard times.
When I stop using, I have extra energy to 'not-enjoy' the live that I live. I don't know how to 'steer the wheel' anymore. Things do seem to get better over time when I abstain, but not good enough for me not to freak out and end up using again.

Just wanted to share this as a catharsis, in the hope that I don't end up messaging these people again trying to get a deal.

 

[AlphaMethylPhenyl]

Yeah sounds like a good time to change for the better. Maybe medication can help? I know it's harder to treat stimulant abuse with them, but some of them seem to work for folks. Would be a lot less expensive this way, but still difficult to stay clean. They aren't magic bullets. Nothing as euphoric as cocaine or meth. But sure less expensive without hurting your body and mind. How long were you using meth for? I think you have the right idea to not force these people to give you your money back, as it's probably not worth it in the end.