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Six months without any...sigh.

N

Ninae

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 18, 2010
Messages
4,522
Six Months Without Any

So I'm one of the few who can't separate sex from emotions (or rather, that would be more rare for men, but include most women). Now there's been almost six months since I split up or drifted apart from my ex, after our 3 year long marriage (I prefer shorter relationships, so to me 3 years is virtually a marriage).

Anyway, now I find myself getting more and more boycrazy and missing both the one thing and the other. I miss everything about a relationship, sex being one of them, as I'm very high-drive (close to nympho) when I DO have feelings for someone. If not it has no interest to me and I'm never even tempted, unless I get some of those emotions, then I might be a bit. But I want MORE - I want the kind that makes you feel like you're high when you're sober.

So now my resolution for the rest of this year is:

1. First off, get my looks back, as I've been neglecting my body for the past six months, in most ways possible. No nutrition, no exercise, gained a lot in water weight, then lost it all in two weeks from stimulants. Hospitilised twice for seizures/amphetamne overdoses, no skin/hair care, make-up, etc.

And I'm a professional beautician who can work miracles if there's a will and it's all within my reach.

So that's the first thing I need to take care of to get a good man (good simply meaning someone I'm crazy about, anything else being relative). This should take a couple of months...3 months tops (I have high standards, and the better you look, the more highly he values you, and the better he treats you and you have more power in general)

2. Find him, fall in love.

3. Get him to repriciate my feelings...approach him slowly, or less slowly (impulsive).

4. Start a sexual relationship when I'm confident I'm not just a random peace of meat for him to fuck in between others.

5. Live happily ever after (i.e. anywhere from six months to 3 years).

Ideally he'll be a casual user, but not a junkie, so we can have lots of naughty fun and sex...sounds like a good plan?

Just need fate on my side so can you please send me your prayers/good wishes as I'm starting to get desperate and am worried I'll settle for something I shouldn't?
 
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Doesn't seem fair to go in a relationship with that mind state. At least let your partner know that you want to break up after three years.
 
This idea that you'd "settle" for someone and that you worry its a mistake is a natural state of your slightly histrionic personality. The act of falling in love is a drug, you're an addict and have addictive tendencies towards other things then amphetamines, and if settling for someone is to be acquired then suddenly one has to deal with losing your almost magical perception of delving deeply into intimacy. You're having natural thoughts because around a certain time in someones life they realize the benefits of staying with one person, however, whether or not that may be you it still is a transitory process and because you're an addict you will be less likely wanting to make life-style changes.


"Settle for something I shouldn't?" "If I want more." Those are the contrasting idea's when needing to feel high and the mind-set of someone continually craving that cannot settle for just one high (relationship). You need to be high again and again and this is a continual theme is a self-perpetuating wrecking-ball for long-terms plans such as marriage. I think you're more fucked up then you write.

I recommend therapy.
 
Edvard Munch said:
This idea that you'd "settle" for someone and that you worry its a mistake is a natural state of your slightly histrionic personality. The act of falling in love is a drug, you're an addict and have addictive tendencies towards other things then amphetamines, and if settling for someone is to be acquired then suddenly one has to deal with losing your almost magical perception of delving deeply into intimacy. You're having natural thoughts because around a certain time in someones life they realize the benefits of staying with one person, however, whether or not that may be you it still is a transitory process and because you're an addict you will be less likely wanting to make life-style changes.


"Settle for something I shouldn't?" "If I want more." Those are the contrasting idea's when needing to feel high and the mind-set of someone continually craving that cannot settle for just one high (relationship). You need to be high again and again and this is a continual theme is a self-perpetuating wrecking-ball for long-terms plans such as marriage. I think you're more fucked up then you write.

I recommend therapy.
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Interesting, and I'll get back to it in a bit.

Just wanted to say I am: 1) Not addicted to any sort of drug at the moment (i.e. not in the position to possibly experience withdrawals from anything) and more bothered with the kind of boredom and drug cravings someone who's been using a lot of drugs can have. 2) I am certainly no amphetamine addict and have only tried it a few times, which was some legal crap, that got me taken to the hospital in an ambulance twice (Oh, and I tried shitty speed once and hated it). My favourite so far is MPA which is a good work stimulant.

Benzos also bore me, just relax me and help put me to sleep.

My only weakness is opiates and if I'd have my choice I'd be permanently doped up for life. Also like Gaba-type drugs, like Lyrica, which are close enough to Opiates, and sometimes Ecstacy, but that is rare.

As far as our ideas about love and relationships, my reasons are a bit different from what you seem to imagine and I think I'm only being realistic, but I'll get back to it later.
 
Not just the sex I'm missing. But starting to. Sex with someone I have strong feelings for is sooo euphoric to me. I don't have that much physical sex drive, it's more about the emotional high, passion, excitment, etc. And the feelings of love and intimacy having sex with someone I love, that is the ultimate bliss. It's just a powerful way for me to express and experience love.
 
Ninae said:
So now my resolution for the rest of this year is:
1. First off, get my looks back, as I've been neglecting my body for the past six months, in most ways possible. No nutrition, no exercise, gained a lot in water weight, then lost it all in two weeks from stimulants. Hospitilised twice for seizures/amphetamne overdoses, no skin/hair care, make-up, etc.
Click to expand...

Reading your post was like reading exactly whats going through my own head, only difference is I'm a guy. Looks do play an important role and I feel that's "one" of the reasons I haven't attracted any females in the past year... like at all, which isn't normal for me. I think it's tied to my drug use. A year ago when I was extra clean & sober, it was common for girls to turn their heads at me and they seemed to easily gravitate towards me in public settings. It's the opposite now. I smoke 2 packs of cigs a day, weed all day long, opiates at night (usually not every day), and I don't think anyone's seen me eat in a couple months... and I'm sure I look worse than I think.

I want to find someone too, but honestly I think the best route is to take care of ourselves first before venturing out into a relationship. Wish the best of luck to you OP.
 
kronedog said:
Reading your post was like reading exactly whats going through my own head, only difference is I'm a guy. Looks do play an important role and I feel that's "one" of the reasons I haven't attracted any females in the past year... like at all, which isn't normal for me. I think it's tied to my drug use. A year ago when I was extra clean & sober, it was common for girls to turn their heads at me and they seemed to easily gravitate towards me in public settings. It's the opposite now. I smoke 2 packs of cigs a day, weed all day long, opiates at night (usually not every day), and I don't think anyone's seen me eat in a couple months... and I'm sure I look worse than I think.

I want to find someone too, but honestly I think the best route is to take care of ourselves first before venturing out into a relationship. Wish the best of luck to you OP.
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Good idea. The only difference is I have a whole aresenal for changing it all around at my disposal. Actually thinking of starting a thread just on the subject as I'm a trained cosmotologist/beautician and have a thousand tips to share on the subject which combined can make all the difference.

Are you aware, for instance, just how much difference to the beauty of your eyes and overall face something as small as your eyelashes can make (their length, thickness, darkness, and curve)? And that it's relatively easy to create the most stunningly beautiful lashes for yourself in your own home without paying a fortune to see a professional every month, or wearing false eye lashes or hideous looking mascara.

And that is just one small detail, so imagine if you combined a few dozens and the improvement in your appearance it might lead to (I know cause I have seen it in others and myself). Another thing that makes far greater difference is the state of the hair on your head, which makes up approx 1/3 of a beautiful woman's beauty (if the hair is beautiful, too, of course and something that contributes to it, and it's not just despite of it - but how much would you desire a bald woman, no matter how beautiful she otherwise was?)

If more women thought more like that there would be SO many more beautiful and happier women out there. It's just takes a lot of effort and learning, and also doesn't come for free, but I definitely think it's worth it, and there are also ways or reducing the costs - like buying an oxygen or electrocurrent device to use at home for yourself instead of going in to pay a fortune for an oxygen facial every month, especially as these things should be used almost daily to give the great results.

I also give online consultations for a reasonable prize for anyone who'd be interested (not meaning to use this board as a means of advertising, just mentioning it as an option for those who need some help out there). Which most of us in the drug scene eventually end up doing as we neglect our looks so badly both internally and externally. Think I'm going to settle for just posting beauty tip every day for now and see if ny of your find it to be helpful and what feedback I'll get.

But really, if you're in the situation of abusing toxic drugs that are harmful to your body the least you should do is make sure to give yourself the best possible nutrition and load up on antioxidants everyday. But how many of us actually do that? It's like we care even LESS for our bodies when we should be caring much MORE, and the worse the situation is the less we care, so no wonder things get fucked up. Just imagine the state of the longterm alcoholic who's been neclecting his body in any way possible aside from the already serious harm from the drug. Not a pretty sight, is it? Come to think of it, I'm not touching alcohol again, simply for the damage it does to your looks/body, maybe the worst of all, and it's not even worth it.

It's really something to think about and something that should be discussed more. Not just for the sake of our looks, health just as much. But of course they go hand in hand and you might argue our looks are just as importnt for our psychological health. So how about some of us make a resolution to do what we can to turn things around for ourselves, for, say, the next 3 months and see what results we can get. But then it can't be just something half-assed, the dedication has to be 100% if you want to see the dramatic improvements, and, come on, haven't you had enough trashy meals and spent enough days sitting on your butt by now?
 
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^ Just felt like answering that last post - I don't necessarily agree with you that women need to spend soooo much time on themselves to be considered beautiful. I never ever wear make-up, don't do anything at all with my hair and I get more compliments than I need. I mean, I understand what you're saying but I think it's a shame to be conveying the message that we need to 'work on ourselves' that much to be beautiful and that there's no such thing as natural beauty. It just sort of bugs me that this has become the new standard. Natural looking women are so much more beautiful imo.
But anyway, not trying to start an argument. Just wanted to give my input.
 
Sounds like you could entertain the idea of writing a bood of your tales, experiences and tips. It seems like you have a lot to say. For all the troubles you've written about here, my take is that you have your shit together for the most part. I'd suggest, go with confidence and let it roll! Good Luck!
 
Pagey said:
Natural looking women are so much more beautiful imo.
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+1 Women wearing makeup is like guy's wearing aftershave (covering up own sex scent). In the long run it fucks your skin up too. A natural face of someone with a reasonable/good diet shines far brighter than any makeup covered face. Whoever came up with the whole face makeup thing should be shot. Preferably in the face.
 
To address you all three - my point was just finding ways to make YOURSELF beautiful so you never need the make-up, or just a little of it. Though beautifully applied make-up is also an art in itself and is sometimes a joy to watch, but that is another topic, and more of a rarity.

Like, making your skin so beautiful and perfect from how you eat/live and how you treat your skin, from things like great diet, the best of natural skin care, facial exercises and massage to make your skin and muscles toned and tight and your whole face glow, making use of all the new developments in beautifying technology, like ozone therapy, light healing, electro stimulation, etc. etc. All these things that few know so little about can transform your whole face.

Also, think I already mentioned I have started writing a book and spending as much time on the computer writing and researching as I can manage. Anyway, think I will start a thread on the subject in the appropriate forum tomorrow and we'll see how it goes - time to get my beauty sleep.
 
Ninae said:
Not just the sex I'm missing. But starting to. Sex with someone I have strong feelings for is sooo euphoric to me. I don't have that much physical sex drive, it's more about the emotional high, passion, excitment, etc. And the feelings of love and intimacy having sex with someone I love, that is the ultimate bliss. It's just a powerful way for me to express and experience love.
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aka: "i miss being wanted/needed on a daily basis."

after reading this thread, there's so much to say....but in the end, all I really want to ask is, dayum girl, do you want a hug????
 
littlepenguin said:
aka: "i miss being wanted/needed on a daily basis."

after reading this thread, there's so much to say....but in the end, all I really want to ask is, dayum girl, do you want a hug????
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Aww, thanks but I just got one...my new connect, who I have a crush on, seemed to like me so gave me a hug after our first deal. It could be looking worse right?

And, I wasn't just speaking about being loved and wanted on a daily basis, but also just missing sex specifically.
 
kronedog said:
Reading your post was like reading exactly whats going through my own head, only difference is I'm a guy. Looks do play an important role and I feel that's "one" of the reasons I haven't attracted any females in the past year... like at all, which isn't normal for me. I think it's tied to my drug use. A year ago when I was extra clean & sober, it was common for girls to turn their heads at me and they seemed to easily gravitate towards me in public settings. It's the opposite now. I smoke 2 packs of cigs a day, weed all day long, opiates at night (usually not every day), and I don't think anyone's seen me eat in a couple months... and I'm sure I look worse than I think.

I want to find someone too, but honestly I think the best route is to take care of ourselves first before venturing out into a relationship. Wish the best of luck to you OP.
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Well, I tried, but apparantly regaining the beauty you have lost during drug addiction is not even "A topic for discussion".

Oh well, it wasn't actually for myself but as a favour to those who might need it. Sad really, as I could present a full program of renovating your looks from the inside out, taking every aspect of your appearance into account that would make a world of difference, and not just some random tips that don't achieve much by themselves.

Guess some just don't get laid much, or are interested to. Seems like many here are content just being high and posting random stuff on this board. I am just very interested in helping someone restore their lost beauty as I know the profound effect it has on your life.
 
Ninae said:
As far as our ideas about love and relationships, my reasons are a bit different from what you seem to imagine and I think I'm only being realistic, but I'll get back to it later.
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You're still an addict if you're off drugs. Medical authority now considers addiction a chronic disease the same as cancer, a progressive debilitation which left untreated causes the patient to die. There's nothing in your gene's that change just because you're off drugs and the pattern of behavior, which you yourself stated as "near-nympho" (a disease based off addiction) continually re-occurs. "I want to feel high while sober ..." "Sex with someone I have strong feelings for is sooo euphoric to me." You've made yourself very clear about how you work in relationships and there is nothing I've elaborated on that contradicts that.

Furthermore, which I tried to stay away from, is that you can be perceived as a self-whoring attention seeker. In the grand-scheme of things, six-months is not that long and yet you make a big deal out of it and beauty is obviously a high ideal for you. You barely have a question in your OP and I don't really think you'll consider the responder seriously when trying to answer the question you do have.
 
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Hm.. there is more to life than making yourself look pretty to get male attention.. It's bad to be so obsessed with beauty regimes and rely your happiness in finding 'the one'. Maybe you should try and find some different interests.

I agree with Edvard, to be blunt you are coming across as a bit of an attention whore. I bet you aren't intentionally though.. perhaps work through your insecurities.
 
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