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Six Miles

E-girl

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 23, 1999
Messages
4,525
Location
PA, USA
Out of nowhere, your voice on my phone
Telling me to come see you, you're in the area.
How many times have i told myself i wouldnt do this?
Wouldn't put myself through the disappointment?
...but what if?
and before i can even finish the thought,
i'm changing my clothes and brushing my hair
And then i'm in my car, on the interstate,
in the direction of you.
I catch myself doing 30 over the speed limit
and try to get my mind off this
You're just a friend... a person i havent seen in over a year
Someone i often think about, and miss
But still, just an old memory
the boy i was going to marry
6 more miles.
It's pouring rain, the road is getting hard to see
It was always that way...
I never knew quite where the path was taking me
when i was with you
Mostly, i ended up on it alone
And tears, always tears, made it so hard to see
And here i am again
Dropping everything on a whim
Not knowing where this path, this night, will take me
I'm there, where you said you'd be
And nervously, I walk up the steps
I can feel my heart in my throat,
Anxiousness rushing through my body like a tingle
And my eyes scan the area...
no sign of you.
But then, out of nowhere,
there you are.
Coming toward me
And i don't know how to react.
I almost want to rush into your arms
But that wouldn't be right.
I walk up to you calmly,
Give you a brief hug
But knowing i'll still feel it a month from now
And we walk, we talk
Seems like nothing new since the last time we spoke
Except that i'm finally successful,
And i've got this great new guy who takes care of me,
And you're still bouncing from job to job,
And basically not caring about anything
And i can't help but think,
you havent changed.
i bet you still lead girls on,
And break their hearts
And hurt everyone you know
And cover your tracks with lies.
I bet you still have all your little quirks,
Leaving dirty socks everywhere
And spending everyone else's money.
why do i miss you...
It seems like i built up this moment,
All those times you said you'd come and see me,
All those times you stood on my porch and promised
You'd come back for me...
And every last time, forgotten
I built it all up in me,
For this moment
That could have been just any other moment in my day
I don't know if i'm more scared that i might never see you again,
or more scared that,
after all that anticipation
i feel nothing.
i look right through you,
and what was fond rememberance
is now just the past
And even though that lump catches in my throat
when you are leaving,
And even though i hold on a little longer
when you embrace me,
goodbye never left my lips easier
after all,
i'm used to watching you walk out that door,
not knowing if i'll ever see you again.
it's become a routine part of my life
that i've had no choice but to accept.
and i get back on that road,
and i drive back into the rain
hoping to wash the scent of you,
the feel of you,
the image of you that i fell for,
off of me.
i think i needed to do this,
just to see...
just to make sure...
and now i know
whatever happens from here,
i'll be ok.
 
Ive been following this story for a while now, and im so glad you have finally got some resolution! You seem like such a familiar person, i really identify with your words.
Keep that head up high, and on with life!!! *smile*
 
i look right through you,
and what was fond rememberance
is now just the past
And even though that lump catches in my throat
when you are leaving,
And even though i hold on a little longer
when you embrace me,
goodbye never left my lips easier
I've lost count of the number of times I've read your poetry and just thought, 'Exactly. She's got it exactly right.' So often your life seems to mirror my emotions. I don't think we'll ever stop loving the boys who broke our hearts. They left such an indelible mark on our lives it's ridiculous to think we could ever leave them completely behind - but we can move on...and that's exactly what we've done. This poem made me gasp at its honesty, made me stop in my tracks as I realised this is exactly how I feel. Thank you so much for describing the strength that I couldn't articulate.
 
"Give you a brief hug
But knowing i'll still feel it a month from now"
i know exactly how you feel..
your words never cease amazing me.
-lil
 
My god how I've found myself in this position a million times. I've said goodbye just as many times... and even now I can look back and know that they'll never change, but I have. And am better off without them.
This was one of my favorites from you hun...definately going on my wall of BL poetry. It just reminds me so much of what I used to put myself through. You are a strong woman e-girl, I admire you.
 
thanks queen beat...
often i still think of him,
and the feeling is still the same.
this might have been that piece where i FINALLY got over him....
i claimed to in others,
but it always fell through.
This piece was my milestone.
Thanks for bumping it as a reminder.
 
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