All I can do is *sigh* these days...
The summer is rolling by, the days getting longer - the nights even longer. Sometimes I get the sensation that i'm watching my life pass by in front of me. There is nothing particularly alarming when I get this sensation, but it seems that is the problem itself. I've lost whatever it was that drove me, or at least I feel like it.
I mean god what a change these last few years have brought. Some good, mostly bad. I look back on the last 3 years and it makes me want to cry. Literally, I feel like i've wasted everything. Wasted my life, my health, my money, my friends, my family, my opportunit(ies), my drive, my ambition, my LIFE. FUCK its hard thinking about this. I mean jesus i'm writing this at Boone Takeout, Lola is in here screaming about a woman at the "country inn and suites" hotel - Lola says, "how not to be a retard, I could teach a fucking class in that shit, man." Shes hilariously crude. Definately a product of her environment. The woman is a survivor. But sometimes, she makes me recoil in disgust and anger.
I'm ranting, and about nothing, so i'll stop. I like to have these things be direct and on-topic but its so hard sometimes. When your writing your thoughts its hard not to write the ones that just decide to just pop into your head. As you can tell i'm a mess right now. I have no stability in my life. I'm a walking bunch of nerves. I plan on using this as my place to come and write my feelings as I begin my detox from opiates/opiods. It will not be fun, it will not be exciting, it will not be painless. It will be hard, grueling, and a test of my willpower and physical and mental bodies. I think that if I can write down, even just some of my thoughts during the terrible experience it will come in handy in my future. I want to be able to remember this for a long time. I cannot slip into the arms of addiction, I have been enveloped in them for far too long. help...
The summer is rolling by, the days getting longer - the nights even longer. Sometimes I get the sensation that i'm watching my life pass by in front of me. There is nothing particularly alarming when I get this sensation, but it seems that is the problem itself. I've lost whatever it was that drove me, or at least I feel like it.
I mean god what a change these last few years have brought. Some good, mostly bad. I look back on the last 3 years and it makes me want to cry. Literally, I feel like i've wasted everything. Wasted my life, my health, my money, my friends, my family, my opportunit(ies), my drive, my ambition, my LIFE. FUCK its hard thinking about this. I mean jesus i'm writing this at Boone Takeout, Lola is in here screaming about a woman at the "country inn and suites" hotel - Lola says, "how not to be a retard, I could teach a fucking class in that shit, man." Shes hilariously crude. Definately a product of her environment. The woman is a survivor. But sometimes, she makes me recoil in disgust and anger.
I'm ranting, and about nothing, so i'll stop. I like to have these things be direct and on-topic but its so hard sometimes. When your writing your thoughts its hard not to write the ones that just decide to just pop into your head. As you can tell i'm a mess right now. I have no stability in my life. I'm a walking bunch of nerves. I plan on using this as my place to come and write my feelings as I begin my detox from opiates/opiods. It will not be fun, it will not be exciting, it will not be painless. It will be hard, grueling, and a test of my willpower and physical and mental bodies. I think that if I can write down, even just some of my thoughts during the terrible experience it will come in handy in my future. I want to be able to remember this for a long time. I cannot slip into the arms of addiction, I have been enveloped in them for far too long. help...
