EverythingsEventual
Ex-Bluelighter
At times the thoughts that reverberate in my mind confuse me
Thoughts of love, life and light
Who are we without love?
What is a life without light to shine through our darkest hours
In the place that I call home, the place that should be safest
I’ve already been abused by my first so-called love
He mistreated me as a teenager
Now he mistreats me as an adult
Lying in tangled, dirty sheets I bled, I cried
As he slept deeply beside me
Sated with the knowledge that he can still take me down
To the hideous place where he goes
When I saw him, it was the first time in years
He clicked on to the fact that I was getting stronger
But with his body he managed to bring me back to reality
That maybe I’m not that strong
That I cannot say no
I cannot go home anymore
He’s gone as quickly as he appeared that night
I won’t have to see him again
Now I’m just left with the physical pain of that night
The reminder lies in an empty packet of emergency contraceptive
He goes back to his family, safe in the thought of his wife
And I feel sickened, I feel cheated by his deceptive smile
Because he’s reminded me I’m still a bad little girl
Who will cheapen herself for the faintest of thrills
On a black night in November I did undress and play his game
And again I lost
And again I was burned
And again I wonder
How the hell did I end up here?
Thoughts of love, life and light
Who are we without love?
What is a life without light to shine through our darkest hours
In the place that I call home, the place that should be safest
I’ve already been abused by my first so-called love
He mistreated me as a teenager
Now he mistreats me as an adult
Lying in tangled, dirty sheets I bled, I cried
As he slept deeply beside me
Sated with the knowledge that he can still take me down
To the hideous place where he goes
When I saw him, it was the first time in years
He clicked on to the fact that I was getting stronger
But with his body he managed to bring me back to reality
That maybe I’m not that strong
That I cannot say no
I cannot go home anymore
He’s gone as quickly as he appeared that night
I won’t have to see him again
Now I’m just left with the physical pain of that night
The reminder lies in an empty packet of emergency contraceptive
He goes back to his family, safe in the thought of his wife
And I feel sickened, I feel cheated by his deceptive smile
Because he’s reminded me I’m still a bad little girl
Who will cheapen herself for the faintest of thrills
On a black night in November I did undress and play his game
And again I lost
And again I was burned
And again I wonder
How the hell did I end up here?
