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Sick of everything

TruthSpeaker1

TruthSpeaker1

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 28, 2005
Messages
464
Location
atlien
So I don't really like to speak out about my feelings, I was always taught that boys weren't suppose to have them, or if you do you either suppress it or express it when you are alone or with your g/f. Well I'm sick of suppressing it and being alone and not having a g/f or just anyone there that really cares and understands. I mean I have friends, I have girls who are my friends but the last time I had a legitimate girlfriend who I really cared for and loved was 5 years, and i'm scared of calling her because it's either been too long or afraid that she'll reject me again. I'm now 23 and haven't had a legitimate girlfriend for 5 years. I've gotten laid, had girls who have been attracted to me and me to them but nothing that could be called a real relationship. I can sometimes suppress the emptiness inside of me with drugs, friends, parties or achievements (grad school) but at the end of the day I still feel like it's just me out there. I just don't know what to do anymore, I feel like I have no real friends and no future to look forward to.. I just don't understand why I have to carry on living alone.. I'm 23 and have so much love to give yet nobody seems to want to receive it.. I don't feel like I'm handicapped in anyway or have any physical deformities, there are girls who find me attractive yet I can't seem to really connect with any of them in any substantial way.
 
I'm also 23 and at Uni and can deeply relate to your post. I don't really know what to say, given that I'm in more or less the same situation. Do you have a shrink? Have you ever been on anti-depressants? Certain people, who have lost their 'flare' or passion, seem to often get a really wonderful boost from anti-depressants. They can be used to usher you into a more stable and happy time, and then relatively easily discontinued.

I would encourage you to avoid drugs if you're finding that they help. This is always the most dangerous context in which to use drugs, viz., when it's not just for fun, but to remedy a subjective deficit.
 
I can dig where u are coming from, im not in uni nor am i well educated. But can relate to not finding ability to connect or identify with people (girls in piticular). Iv'e been lucky to have found a girl whom i could connect with and is caring enough to @ least try and understand where i'm at and even though i have total trainwreck days she is still standing by me..
I suppose what im trying to say is when i was younger (about your age) i went thru the same thing and had the same feelings. But having said that, If you have the love to give...you will find that right person, Love them and treat them right thats all one can do. Im in no spot to say "dont do drugs to make u feel better" as that would be hypocritical. But have to say its in reality not a good thing.
I wish you all the best and hope that this thread brings u support and good advice 4 u whilst ur in this situation.
 
Truthspeaker-- I can really sympathize with you. I've been in your shoes before, and all that I can say is to try not to worry about it. This is far easier said than done; the longer one goes without a partner, the harder it is not to think about being single. However, this is critical. Focus on doing what you love, and people will notice. Take chances, and don't worry about failure-- that's how we learn best.

Also: consider seeing a therapist. Not for the sake of diagnosis, and certainly not for the sake of medication, but rather simply for the sake of having someone completely neutral and well-trained in mental health to listen to your worries and offer some sage advice (and perhaps some skills to help deal with the emptiness when it looms large). Personally, I'm a big believer in the idea that everyone, ill or not, could benefit from the occasional chat with a psychologist. A checkup, as it were. Since you're at uni, you likely have access to very cheap or even free psych care-- look into it.
 
hey do not try to take it to serious. yes i know its easy to say but you will see it happens sooner as you can imagine. i was 12 years off a gf( only female tourists and stuff like that) till i went to the point where i felt the same as you. first i tried things like shopping at food store etc...even single parties but i felt my same radiculous and like "today it must happens". girls are able to feel that(from my point of view). so i took it easier and relaxter like "why not"attitude or sometimes a little bit posh and hello it was so easy to get in contact and during the first date they were even more interrested when they found out that i was very interrested in a relationship as well. probably sounds like faking around but as i trying to say take it a bit easier. and as long as you have love to share every single lady should be gratefull to meet you!!! stay smart and then stay honestly. just my advise and who knows when it happens it just happens. to everyone for sure. enjoy your time
 
I just broke up with my longest relatonship, was a 2 year relationship and I find myself in a similar position, no local friends, nothing to do where I live and just generally lonely all round. I know that drink and drugs are not the answer, they just seem to make things worse. The main this that ended the relationship with my ex was that neither or us really knew who we were as individuals first, I mean we thought we did, but it turned out we didnt.

I think to truly get to a place where you can be in a happy relationship with someone you have to be happy with yourself, and that may mean being alone for a long time, figuring yourself out, getting out there and doing things that you enjoy, try and take up some new hobbies and find out what it is that makes you happy on your own. Once you have actually found out what makes you happy it will be much easier to find someone else.

The bar scene is a pretty terrible place to pick up potential long term partners, but if you take up some hobbies and make friends whilst doing these things then you are much more likely to meet someone that way that has similar interests to you and a lot more in common that some random you picked up one night.

It is hard living alone, I have only been truly alone for coming on 4 months now, was with my ex and then my parents before that, but it is hard to live by yourself. I know that, but before you can expect to find someone else to share your live with you realy have to be able to live with yourself.

That's my opinion anyway.
 
Hey..don't be too hard on yourself. And the more you let go of cultural concepts of what a "boy" or man" should be like, the more peace you're likely to experience.

Not having a relationship does not reflect somebody being wrong with you; it just means you are not in a relationship. In my opinion it's better not to be in one than to be in one that isn't satisfying or healthy. There is some sort of idea that we need to be in a relationship to be whole. If we don't feel wholeby ourselves then another person isn't going to be able to do so.

So take care of yourself and you never know when somebody might make their way into your life.
 
^^I really have to agree with that post. I learned the hard way that the way of society is not the way for everyone, society forces people to feel bad about things they have no reason to feel bad for.

What you really need to do as I said in my post earlier is focus on yourself, and improving your own confidence and happiness and don't worry too much about not being with a partner, when it happens it will happen, and it will be right, it wont be a forced relationship brought about by societal pressures.
 
Some people find it very hard to 'improve' themselves in a context of complete solitude. Many people simply degenerate.

I agree that relationships are just not practical and usually not possible unless both parties have some sense of self and direction. Presumably it could work between two equally fucked up people but the chances of them actually hooking up are just too remote.

And I agree that the bar scene is the absolute worst place to look for partners. Actually one should never 'look' for partners as this is the surest way never to find them - as someone else said - but I think that bars are the wrong place to expect to find something fulfilling.
 
some very good posts here, i feel exactly the same like everything is going on around me but im stuck in a rutt....
friends are paired off now, or in good jobs, or going on holidays. people i knew have started families and got married... im 24 now and i feel like im no further on in my life had some terrible thoughts lately but its what i seem to do. i pack my shit up and go somewhere new where i can blend into the background as a nobody.... FML :(

to be fair i dont know whats going on in my head, iv had so many things happen in my life... i just struggle to find the positive at times... i feel empty im a mere shadow of my former self
 
Sounds like you're depressed... I would recommend something but I haven't really found anything that's worked other than trying to stay busy. I've found the times I feel the worst are usually when I don't have anything much going on, like right now lol.
 
I can definitely relate to that feeling of stagnation. Most of my friends have left Sydney and are either working or doing postgraduate study overseas. I lost alot of time to drugs/hospitals/depression. But I guess you can only keep going.
 
in the sake of healing music, dancing nancies by dave matthews band has a great quote for you. I'm 25, I've had the "23 year old blues" (quarter life crisis imo). My girlfriend has it occasionally, shes 23. I dont know what it is about that year, but its just such a strong transition period. You're looking for love, looking for a career path, done with school (if you went to college) and USUALLY a year or so into an entry level position or worse. You're navigating life on your own, with little support from parents/others (this is at least my path) at this point, paying all your own bills on a limited budget, etc.

take a look at these lyrics and see if they resonate for you, check out the song too, its really beautiful live.

"Twenty three
Im so tired of life
Such a shame to throw it all away
The images grow darker still
Could I have been anyone other then me?
Then i
Look up at the sky
My mouth is open wide, lick and taste
Whats the use in worrying, whats the use in hurrying
Turn turn we almost become dizzy
I am who I am who I am well who am i
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me?
And then ill
Sing and dance and Ill play for you tonight
The thrill of it all
Dark clouds may hang on me sometimes
But Ill work it out
And then i
Falling out of a world of lies
Could I have been dancing nancy
Dancing nancy
Could I have been anyone other than me? "

take a listen fast forward to around 2 minutes if you dont like the intro, i like it when he rambles tho lol
 
nuttynutskin said:
It is just you out there. The sooner you can accept that the better. Sure there will be others in your life, but just worry about yourself and forget what society says you should be.
Click to expand...

Nice, its true, there are so many theories based off of this premise. The world is your oyster my friend, you can literally use your thoughts to change everything around you. It's quite incredible. Try showering someone you're in an argument with, with "love" (think, this person is beautiful and lovely in their own respect, find something you like about them and just repeat that over and over in your head) and watch what happens.

You can also "switch" situations on people (AND YOURSELF!). I love this example. One time my friend really wanted to come with me to the mall, I wasn't really in the mood but i also didn't want to say "hey i don't want you to come." So, instead of calling and saying

"Hey dude i dont want you to come with right now, sorry" i said "Hey, im just going to go to the mall really quick by myself so you don't have to sit in traffic and wait for me to get everything done, this way we can chill in a bit and just have a good time"

He was like "Oh, thanks man!"

You just turn the focus of any situation to the positive aspects, or the things you appreciate in life, and you'll completely change your perspective. Right now, I'm posting on bluelight instead of doing work. I could think "oh no I'm wasting work time i could get in trouble, this could happen, that could happen." but instead i think "I'm appreciating the recollection of experiences I've had, its helping me remember more important things and hopefully it resonates for someone else out there, making their day a little more vibrant and fun!"

you ultimately have the choice in each moment, you are empowered, the sun came up for you today brother, believe it!
 
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