Should SWIM be okay to roll again? Seeking expert advice.

[Nicksellsnissan]

So basically here is the situation.

I tried MDMA once for the first time early 2013 and had the time of my life. After having refrained from any use for about 6 months, I met a girl who enjoyed the drug also, and we spent many nights together rolling. I got pretty carried away, and ended up taking large doses (.5 - .7) in a night, every saturday night for about 5-6 weeks in a row (sometimes redosing the next day). The effects of the drug began to lessen quickly, but the hang over seemed to be bearable. I decided that I would spend one more night rolling with this girl before again refraining from all use, and took about .5 over the course of 2 hours. This only caused a lackluster high at best, and was disappointing.

What followed the next day was the most horrendous illness and depression I have ever experienced. I was vomiting all day long at random, and I was being swallowed by a crushing depression. This feeling of endless, grinding, black despair remained with me for about 2 straight months. I became extremely anxious, and believed that I had caused permanent damage because of my stupid over indulgence. I battled this MONSTER of a depression for what seemed like an endless time. After the weeks began to pass, the empty feeling slowly began to give way to what felt like physical bursts of serotonin (happiness) that came and went at random. I would experience flashes of good feeling that would slowly begin to rot back into the depths of depression. I began to take 5-HTP as a last ditch effort to improve my mental condition that was beginning to really frighten me. During this time I did not touch alcohol or mdma - only smoking the odd bowl.

However, as time went on the depression eventually subsided, and after 4 months I felt almost back to normal. Now after the 5th month, I am confident that I have returned completely to my previous state - being able to feel happiness, and having a regulated mood instead of lightening like swings.

I have just been invited to an electronic concert, and am dabbling with the idea of taking MDMA again, but in a maximum dose of 150mgs with no redosing.

I fear that even one dose of mdma could catapult me back into the serotonin monster that had gripped my soul for months prior.

Is this a rational fear? Or should I be okay if I restrict my use, and test my product.

I would like to think that I have not ruined my relationship with the drug, and that the long term after effects were a result of HIGH doses, and that dosing again responsibly will not trigger such symptoms to return.

What are your opinions on this? Am I safe to dose again?

 

[matt2012]

we don't use swim here buddy...that shit is annoying and will not protect you legally anyway.

5 months is not a very long time to wait after abuse but your heavy abuse is not nearly as extreme as some. I would say that if you have resolved yourself to use responsibly from now on, then rolling again after 5 months would be OK. just be aware that you probably gave yourself a good bit of tolerance in those 5 weeks and will probably need more than normal to get the same effects.

this does not mean to up your dose...this means that you either need more time off (like another 6 months) or you need to resolve yourself to taking only one moderate dose a night and take what you get in the effects department.

 

[coelophysis]

just be aware that you probably gave yourself a good bit of tolerance in those 5 weeks and will probably need more than normal to get the same effects.

This exactly. It's up to you what you're going to do with your body but I honestly, in your shoes, would abstain for a bit longer. Why take more right when you're finally "back" from feeling so terrible. Also like Matt mentioned, you probably have a monster tolerance. I could picture 150mgs being underwhelming and then you wasted product, time, and potentially are fucking with your head all over again.
Like I said, I would wait longer. It seems like you need a really long break.
And if you have the time please edit your post to remove all of the SWIM, it does indeed make it very difficult to read your post and we don't hide behind SWIM here at BL.

 

[Nicksellsnissan]

Post has been edited. Sorry about the SWIM. Anyways, interesting replies so far, thank you guys.

 

[Mazzab]

Life is long. Enjoy the music sober. When your healed and recovered fully you'll know and won't have to ask for our opinion

 

[questforstarfish]

My guess would be that if you take 150mg with no re-dosing, you will not end up where you were previously. Like you said, the horrible psychological and physical effects you experienced were a result of extremely high and frequent dosing. I also doubt that your tolerance would be so high 5 months later that it wouldn't affect you, though the effects miight be lessened. If they are, don't re-dose, just accept it as a result of what happened before and move on! Unfortunately the research out there is all over the place when it comes to this stuff, and since they're testing rats and not humans (who have different metabolisms and are given significantly different doses/kg than humans are) it's impossible to predict how this will affect you this time around. My best guess says it would be okay to try it within the parameters that you suggested, but there's no way to be sure.

Even more time off would be ideal, but it's your call entirely. Like I said, if it isn't hitting you as hard as you'd like, don't re-dose and just leave it for a few more months at least!

Good luck and stay safe